CALLED TO BE A FAMILY

“The Process of Correction” - II
I Thess. 5:11; Rom. 15:14
Bob Bonner
June 10, 2007

Years ago, while I was in seminary, I had a classmate, one of the few who were single. Mark was 23-years-old at the time, stood about 5' 9", slender, and had a baby face that was topped by blond curly hair. As many of us did during those years, Mark served as a youth pastor in a local church. Shortly after he took the position at the church, Mark was invited to one of the youth’s homes for dinner. He tells the following story that took place after that dinner:

“After dinner, Mrs. Roberson and her husband edged me toward the living room. Suddenly Jenny, their freckled seven-year-old daughter protested, “Mom, are you going to tell him or not?” Apparently something very important was about to be revealed. Mrs. Roberson, a little embarrassed said, “Mark, Jenny wants me to tell you that she thinks you’re cute.”

“For a twenty-three-year-old youth pastor, that can be real salve for the wounds received on the ministerial battlefield. Jenny persisted, “Tell him the whole story, Mom.”

“By now, Mrs. Roberson was scarlet, but at this point there was no turning back. She continued, “Well, one night—about a month after you arrived—we were discussing church at the table. Jim asked Jenny what she thought of the new youth pastor. She replied, ‘You mean the little shrimpy guy with the crinkly hair?’ Then without even pausing, she added, ‘I like him. I think he’s cute.’

“It’s nice to know that, even though you are a little shrimpy guy with crinkly hair, someone on earth still thinks you’re cute. That was encouraging. A bit roundabout and humbling perhaps, but still an encouragement.”

The famed actress of years past, Celeste Holmes, said it well, “We live by encouragement and die without it—slowly, sadly and angrily.” People are marked forever by the presence or absence of encouragement. Proverbs 12:25 reminds us that, “Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up”.

The ultimate source of our encouragement is God. The Apostle Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort [encouragement], who comforts [encourages] us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort [encourage] those who are in any affliction with the comfort [encouragement] with which we ourselves are comforted [encouraged] by God”.

There are many different distressful occasions for when we need to be encouraged or comforted. Occasions such as losing a job, or encountering a major setback in an important relationship, or lying in bed with a body wracked with pain, or when one of your grand expectations fails to be realized. It’s at these discouraging moments that we long for a word of encouragement. 

However, there is one other occasion when much encouragement is truly needed, and that is the occasion that Paul has in the back of his mind as he makes this statement in 2 Corinthians, that is those times when we are blown about by the storm caused by our own sin and failure;” those times when the Christian becomes the favorite target of Satan, the “accuser of the brethren.” It is this occasion that Paul has in mind, as he writes these words in 2 Corinthians For later in 2 Corinthians 2:7, in referring to what we are to do with a Christian grieving over his failure, who has sinned and repented, Paul writes these words, “So that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort [encourage] him, otherwise such a one might be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow”.

Sadly, our history as Christians has not been so much to comfort, accept and love those among us who spiritually fail. Our tendency has been to shoot our own wounded. But God’s Word teaches that when the believer repents, we are to encourage that family member by demonstrating love and acceptance. It is our encouragement that further releases people from the chains of the past.

When we began this series on “Called to Be A Family,” we noted that in Paul’s words directed at the local church in how it is to function as a family, the very first “one another” instruction teaching us how to live with one another, was the instruction to “forbear or suffer long with one another,” to allow others wobble room in their maturing process. However, as we noted a few weeks ago, that was not intended to mean that we are never to confront and correct one another, when destructive patterns of behavior are observed.

Two weeks ago, we began looking at God’s instructions as to how we are to confront and correct those whose lives reveal destructive patterns of sinful behavior. We said back then that the place to begin is to make sure that one “speaks the truth in love” to those whose lives need correction. At that time, I mentioned that there are three “one another” instructions that explain what is necessary if we are going to be successful at building up one another in love. Last time, we looked at just the first instructive “one another” that explains how we are to “speak the truth in love” with one another, and thus bring about correction in another’s life. 

That first “one another” is found in Galatians 6:1-3, where we are commanded to “bear one another’s burdens.” As we studied that instruction, we noted several important points. Allow me to remind you of just two of them. First, the instruction to “bear one another’s burden” comes from a Greek word that expresses that the ultimate goal of correcting another is to restore another in moving from an experience of spiritual or moral failure to one of victory and freedom from that failure in his life.

This correction is not about punishment or condemnation, but rather lifting up, restoring someone to spiritual health so that the person can become a positive functioning member of the local church family.

Furthermore, we showed you from the text, that this process of correction is to be done with genuine gentleness and humility, and only by those who are Spirit-controlled Christians. Should correction be attempted by any other person apart from gentleness and humility, most likely the outcome of that correction will be more destructive than restorative.

This morning we want to look at two more one another concepts that fill out the instruction as to how to properly bring correction to another’s life. The first is found in I Thessalonians 5:11. Here Paul states, “Therefore encourage one another, and build up one another, just as you also are doing”. The writer to the Hebrews echos Paul’s point when in Hebrews 10:24-25 he writes, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching”.

This word “encourage” comes from the same Greek word used by Jesus for the Holy Spirit, found in John 14:26. There, it is translated “helper”. The actual word means “to call alongside.” Just as the Holy Spirit is called alongside to help us, so it is with us when God calls us to come alongside to help a struggling Christian family member. In fact, when we encourage others, we come as close to the work of the Holy Spirit as anything we can do in God’s family. When we realize the value of mutually encouraging one another, there is no limit to what we can be stimulated to accomplish for the Lord.

So often though, we find ourselves in situations where we just don’t know what to say that will really help someone who is struggling in the faith. Have you ever felt that way? The key ingredient to encouraging one another, to helping someone through a spiritual rough spot is the Word of God. It is God's truths as stated in Scripture that is to be the foundation of our encouragement to others. That's what Paul has in mind in Ephesians 4:12-15 when he talks about "truthing in love". We live the truth of God's Word as well as speak the truths from God's Word so as to build up the body and to encourage one another. 

Here are three different passages that illustrate this for us.  Paul instructed his disciple Titus concerning the qualification for an elder. He writes in Titus 1:9, “He [elder] must hold firmly to the trustworthy message [faithful Word] as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it”. As an elder, I am to use the Word of God to bring instruction and encouragement to another’s life; not some pop psychology of the day or my personal opinion. God’s Word is the basis of true encouragement.

Once again, in writing to another of his disciples, Paul exhorts Timothy, in 2 Timothy 4:2, “Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction”.

Here’s one more: Paul writes to the Christians at Thessalonica, in 1 Thessalonians 2:11-13, “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory. And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is at work in you who believe”.

Hence, there should be no question as to the basis from which we encourage others. We encourage them based on what God says is true about them and life.

Allow me to give you two examples of how the Word of God can encourage. The first comes from the first century church in Thessalonica. When Paul wrote his first letter to them, among other things, he was writing to them so as to relieve their fears and anxieties as to what had happened to their friends and family who had died as Christians, but Jesus Christ had yet to return. Where were they? What was their destiny? Had Christ failed them? In chapters 4 and 5 of Paul’s letter, he encourages and comforts them with the truth of God’s Word as to what they could expect for their dearly departed loved ones. After having answered their concerns, Paul even states, “Comfort [encourage] one another with these words”. 

My second example of encouraging others from the Word is directed specifically to those occasions when a fellow believer has experienced failure in his life and his shame has overwhelmed him so much that he wonders if God could really forgive him or ever use him again. In those situations, my personal words have no eternal spiritual value or authority. But God’s Word does. Typically, I will point this person to Colossians 1:14, 27, that clearly explains that because of the finished work of Christ on the cross and because of His resurrection, my friend has been redeemed once and for all, and all of his sins are forgiven, past present and future. The debt of all sin against him has once and for all been canceled, and Christ Himself, now lives in him. Christ will never abandon him, due to his failure. Regardless of what my hurting friend may be feeling, God’s Word says this is true. 

Furthermore, I may point this person to Ephesians 3:12, which states that because of the work of Christ on my behalf, I can still approach God with boldness, freedom and confidence, rather than as a head-down failure. Because of what Romans 8:1 says, my brother is free from any condemnation from God.

Those truths from the Word of God bring hope, healing and grace to those broken because of their failure.

Having said all of that, allow me to caution you as to how you attempt to bring Scripture to bear on another person’s struggles. I have met many well-meaning Christians who have tried to come alongside a struggling Christian, to encourage him with the Word of God. But when an exit interview was taken with the one who was supposed to have been encouraged, that person felt like the Word of God had been used more like a club, than an instrument to bring healing. This is why Paul tells Timothy to encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. Be sensitive to the other person’s emotional state as to how, when and where you deliver God’s truth.

All me to quote from C. J. Mahaney’s little book, Humility, True Greatness. His words not only speak directly to how we encourage others with the Word of God, but they also speak directly to the next one another concept we will be touching upon in a moment. He writes, “Through each and every interaction, however casual, however brief, I want to impart grace through my words, for that’s God’s purpose in granting us this gift of speech. And in effect, we have God’s promise in this passage that when our words are edifying and appropriate, they will give grace. So, we have to ask ourselves: Is this the effect of my speech upon others? Is this their common experience in our conversations? Do they experience grace in and through my words?”

This standard is particularly important when it comes to correction. Before I correct someone, I need to prepare for it by asking, How can this correction give grace? That doesn’t mean that we avoid giving correction or that we trim the truth in correction. But we must prepare to give grace when we correct, and we must give hope in the midst of correction.  And by giving hope in the midst of correction, C. J. has in mind helping someone understand their true forgiveness and state of restoration before God, based upon His Word.

He continues, “In correction or in any kind of communication with others, when you examine your words you’ll discover your heart....What do your words reveal about your spirit?.....As I understand it, corrupt talk [as it concern correction of others] is the fruit of pride and the revealer of pride, while edifying words are the fruit of hearts that have been transformed by the gospel and evidence that a heart has been humbled by the gospel. Only the humble are genuinely concerned about edifying and encouraging others....The presence of pride and self-righteousness...[causes some correctors] to think too highly of themselves to care about building others up or to be sensitive to their true needs. It’s the humble who are perceptive; they’re skilled in discerning the work of God in others because they care about others...”

Isn’t it interesting that the key to suffering long with others as well as the key to correcting others with such grace that they have hope is your own humility?

Let’s quickly look at the third of the three one another concepts that deal with correcting a fellow Christian who has been struggling with sin or a destructive habit. This “one another” is found in Romans 15:14. Turn with me there, where Paul states, “And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, and able also to admonish one another”.

There it is, "admonish one another."  What does it mean to admonish someone? And how do we go about it? The Greek word for "admonish" is a difficult word to translate directly into English, because there is no exact one-word equivalent to it. Sometimes this word is translated as admonish, or warn or exhort or counsel or correct. The common denominator with each of these English terms is the idea of confrontation.  In Greek literature, along with this idea of confrontation, we can see two basic elements to this type of confrontation.

The first element of this word translated “admonish” is that it always implies a problem and presupposes an obstacle that must be overcome. In other words, something is wrong in the life of the one who needs confronting. And hence, in Greek literature “to admonish” presupposes the need for a behavioral change in the person being confronted. 

However, when you see this term used in the Bible, it has an added ingredient to its meaning of confronting to bring about a behavioral change. When behavioral change is being called for in the New Testament, the instruction is not to just change the destructive behavior, but to change the mental thinking that supports the destructive behavior. In other words, the Bible teaches that bad or destructive or evil behavior is an outgrowth of incorrect thinking or an evil heart. That’s why over and over again in the Bible, we are told to have our minds renewed by the teachings of the Word of God. Hence, the first ingredient necessary for biblical admonishment or biblical confrontation must include the use of Scripture whereby we seek to affect first mental change to bring about behavioral change in the believer. And, as always, the supernatural change agent is God’s Word.

The second element inherent in this term, “admonish,” has the motive in mind. The motive behind the admonishment is always one of trying to benefit the one being corrected. In other words, the motive is one of love and our deep concern. This motive is seen in Paul’s corrective words to the first century Christians living in Corinth. To them he states, “I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.” (1 Cor. 4:14) Paul’s heart is one of tender concern and love for the Corinthians.   

So the two ideas behind this word for "admonishment" is that out of our deep love and concern for individuals, we confront them so as to see change in their destructive behavior.  

Now, let’s be clear here.  The motive behind admonishment is not to get someone else to change because what they are doing irritates you or your personality or your personal preferences or cultural codes of conduct. When we try to change others because they irritate us, or their personality is annoying or their preferences bug us, that kind of confrontation is not about deep concern for the other person, but about one’s own personal preferences. It is self-serving and unloving. Biblical admonishment takes place when very clear biblical behavior is being violated, and out of deep love and concern for others, you reach out to them.

Admonishment is always a difficult task. I don't know of a loving, sensitive person who enjoys or looks forward to admonishing another person. But how do we go about successfully admonishing one another and lowering our risks of unnecessarily hurting another person and being rejected? Paul gives us a couple of clues here in verse 14. 

In Romans 15:14, Paul has just complimented these Christians by letting them know that he was thoroughly convinced that they had what it takes to admonish one another correctly. First, he says, “I am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness”. That expression full of goodness is a reference to them living generally godly upright lives. He is saying, "You Romans are competent to counsel because you are walking the talk." Now Paul does not mean to say that they are perfect, because they weren't. They were a little rough around the edges concerning their spiritual maturity, but their attitude reflected their sincere desire to seek God and to live for Him.

Hence, the first ingredient necessary for successfully admonishing another, is that your life reveals the heart of one who is sincerely seeking after God and that you want to walk worthy of the calling with which you have been called---to a holy and upright life.

The second ingredient necessary for successfully admonishing another is seen in the next phrase in verse 14. Paul says, “I am convinced that you are able to admonish others not only because you are full of goodness, but also filled with all knowledge”. In other words, you have adequate knowledge of the Word of God to show the one being admonished how and why God says he must change. This presumes that one is careful not to confuse the absolutes in Scripture with non-absolutes or the obvious gray areas of life in which the Scriptures do not give clear direction.

Hence, like the process of “encouraging one another, ”correction or admonishment requires that our basis of operation is the Word of God, not pop psychology, personal preference or the convictions of “Dear Abby.” It must be based solely upon His Word.

The final ingredient necessary for successfully admonishing another, comes from the study of the word, admonishment, itself. True admonishment is always motivated by a deep concern and love for the ones being admonished. We are not out to make individuals look bad, humiliate them, put them down or vent our irritation with them. It’s not to spank those who have disappointed us or crossed our prejudices. Biblical admonishment’s pure motives are to make others look better and to build them up so that they can become more effective for Jesus sake. Two biblical illustrations should suffice: The first was Jesus’ confrontation with Peter after Peter had denied Christ three times. Check out John 21 for the details of that occasion. The second is the Prophet Nathan’s confrontation of David, after David had committed murder and adultery. Check out 2 Samuel 12 for the specifics of that admonishment. Bottom line before you admonish another, check your motives.

As we bring these two messages on correcting one another, through bearing one another’s burdens, encouraging and admonishing one another, allow me to wrap this up with a real life example of how, when these three “one another’s are properly applied, they produce positive growth, hope and blessing to the individual needing correction. 

When I was in graduate school, I had a dear friend named Steve, who had graduated from SMU, Southern Methodist University, in Dallas, Texas. Steve grew up in a southern, Christian, Bible-belt home. Upon leaving high school and home, headed for college, Steve found himself on his own for the first time. Steve was an athlete, an outgoing, good looking and just plain sharp individual. You just knew that he would make something special of his life.

When he arrived at college, he immediately joined a Christian club on campus. But he also made quick friends with some rather wild party-going folks. Pretty soon, along with going to Bible studies and church, Steve found himself also living the party life. 

Several months later, after the Fall Semester had begun, at one of the Christian club meetings, the leadership challenged the students to step up to the plate to become godly leaders on campus, and for those who were interested, there would be some special leadership training provided. Steve had always been a leader, so he signed up. One day he got a call from the campus pastor to come by his office. When Steve arrived, he expected to get more information of when the leadership training would take place. What he got instead changed his life. The campus pastor sat Steve down and “confronted” him about his party lifestyle, and what the Word of God had to say about his behavior. He expressed great love and concern for Steve, but told him that unless he was willing to put that lifestyle aside, and seek first, Jesus, he would not be qualified to be a spiritual leader on campus. But if he could demonstrate repentance and a serious heart change to serve the Lord, this campus pastor said he would personally love to take Steve under his wing.

At first, that really ticked Steve off. He had never been shut out of leadership in any arena of life he had entered thus far. But he could not deny the truth of the Word of God, rightly and lovingly applied to his life. In turn, he repented, and God continued to change Steve’s mind, heart and behavior as a result of Steve submitting himself to the Word of God. Eventually, Steve became a godly leader on his campus and upon graduation, entered Dallas Seminary, where he graduated with not only a Masters degree, but a doctorate. For the past 35 years, he has had a very effective service for Jesus Christ and His kingdom.

All of this, because a wise friend cared enough to encourage, admonish and bear his brother’s burden.

Remember, being part of a local church family involves all of us being involved in each other’s lives, including this process of bringing loving and biblical correction to one another. Possibly, you have attempted to bring some helpful correction to someone in your family or to a friend or acquaintance, but you have not received a favorable response. Maybe it would be good for you to review your notes from both of these messages on correction to see if there may be something missing in your approach to correcting others.

Biblical “bearing one another’s burdens, encouragement, and admonishment” all go hand in hand. As you look at this week’s study and the first study on “Correction,” how do you see the points that were made demonstrated in Jesus’ confronting Peter (John 21), and Nathan’s confronting David (2 Samuel 12)?

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