CALLED TO BE A FAMILY

The Parents Responsibility To The Family
Ephesians 4:11-13
Bob Bonner
April 22, 2007

Recently, I was away on a study sabbatical preparing for our series to begin in late Fall on the book of Philippians. Previous to that week, I felt like I had a pretty good idea as to why God was leading the rest of the elders to choose this book as our next study as a church family; but I never expected to find the treasure chest of practical truth and personal direction for my life today and for this church family today as I did in just my broad study of the book. Allow me to pass on to you just some of the choice pearls of my discovery as it concerns our present study, Called To Be A Family.

First of all, the Philippian Church was a very small body of believers in a relatively small Roman colony. From my sense of the Church’s history, at the time of Paul’s writing his letter to the Philippians, the Church had only been in existence 12 years at the most. Philippi was not like Ephesus, a large metropolitan city made up of several Churches, but rather a small city, probably no bigger than Grant’s Pass, having just one Church. I doubt that the Church at Philippi was even as large as Crossroads. Yet, its size had nothing to do with the Church’s relative significance during the first century.

I say that because, according to this letter, and all the commentators I have read agree, the Apostle Paul had a very special relationship with this Church. So unique was his relationship with these people that one might even call the Church at Philippi his home Church. It was the local body of believers that he felt closest to. He rightly felt that way for two reasons: first, they were the ones who had sacrificially given to support his missionary efforts and to support him while he was being held in a minimum-security type prison in Rome. Although there were a few well-to-do believers in the Church, most of them were struggling financially to get by. So anything they sent to Paul came at a great sacrifice to them. Yet they always made sure that Paul was cared for. When he was sick, they would send someone from the Church to care for him.

The second reason Paul had such a special love-relationship with the Church at Philippi, was that from the day he first birthed the Church, these new believers shared the same passion as Paul. Their passion was not just their shared love for Jesus Christ, but the book of Philippians makes it very clear that the thing that bound this small Church and Paul together was their shared zeal for reaching the lost for Christ and for coming alongside new or struggling Christians, encouraging them in their walk with Jesus.

The third thing that had so touched Paul’s heart about this Church, was that it was the model to which he would point to others and say, “Those people really know how to love one another. Because of their selfless love for one another, they are making a difference in Philippi and around the world in reaching the lost for Christ.”

To say that the Church at Philippi was the most mature Church of the early Churches would not be an exaggeration. They were a loving group of people who had for 12 years been united in love by Jesus Christ and focused on His commission to make disciples, to get the gospel out, locally and abroad.

However, 12 years after the Church’s birth, word got to Paul while he was in prison, that something was happening in his home Church that was not good. Conflict and personal disputes over self-interests and personal preferences had arisen in the Philippian Church. Exactly what the issues were we are not told. As a result of the conflict, their unity around the purpose to spread the good news about Jesus had begun to dissolve. Divisiveness arose between two prominent women. Some commentators suggest that this divisiveness even reached the level of the leadership. Paul, as one can imagine, was deeply grieved over this news concerning his home-church family. He was like a parent broken-hearted over his children who suddenly were fighting with each other, rather than loving each other.

Paul had seen it before and knew that without unity, the Church’s role in fulfilling the great commission of making disciples of Jesus Christ would never be fulfilled. That Church had to get back to the basics. Interestingly, that ties together perfectly with where our study of God’s Word has taken us, in this series “Called To Be A Family”, in Ephesians 4:11.

Allow me to remind you of what we have seen thus far in our study. We began with the understanding that has been best summarized by the Westminister Confession and Catechisms, which raised the question, “What is the chief and highest end of man?” and answered the question by stating, “Man’s chief and highest end is to glorify God and to fully enjoy Him forever.”

Previously, we summarized how it is that each of us can uniquely glorify God amidst a God-ignoring and even in some cases, God-hating world, where its citizens choose to live in rebellion of God. As Christians, God’s Word says that we can glorify Him in three areas: First, as an individual, I can glorify God by walking in obedience to His will, as clearly explained in His Word, while living amidst a sin-filled world. Second, we noted that we can glorify God as a group of believers, as a Church, by loving and building up one another amidst a fallen world. Then, third, as a lovingly united Church we can glorify God through evangelism.

All three of those ways of glorifying God are like the three legs of a three-legged stool. If all three legs are functioning, then God is being glorified. But if one leg is missing, then the stool falls over, and rather than fulfilling our purpose in life, to glorify God, we are, instead, bringing shame to Him. Furthermore, there is a very clear and logical progression to each of these legs. The way of glorifying God begins with me being committed to walking in a manner that is worthy of the calling with which I have been called. If I am doing that, then the next natural step is to walk worthy together with you as a fellow member of a local body of believers. Then, and only then, can we effectively and unitedly glorify God by reaching out in love to those around us. I must be committed to be an active part of all three.

Last time we were together, we noted in Ephesians 4:1-6 that Paul gave us a key ingredient required for us to walk together in unity. This ingredient was not something that would always be easy to do, therefore we had to be diligently serious about practicing this one thing, or unity would not exist. The Spirit of God exhorts us to long suffer with one another. That should tell you that God knew long ago that you would be called to worship and serve together with people that would frustrate you and drive you nuts sometimes. And when they did, you were ordered by God to long suffer with them. How do we become good at long suffering? Paul instructed that first it begins with asking God to make you humble so that you will operate from a basis of humility. Then, when you become offended or irritated or frustrated with someone who is hard for you to love, you will practice gentleness, which is a fruit or outgrowth of humility. In turn, the one who has irritated you and others who have observed the irritation will recognize a further outgrowth of humility, and that is patience. 

If you are not a patient person, if you can no longer suffer with a person that just rubs you the wrong way, then the Word of God strongly suggests that the problem is not the other person, but God’s desire to produce true humility in your life.

Sadly, after 12 years of being a model Church, a loving and reaching-out Church, Paul watched the Church at Philippi start to fall apart because of selfish interests of  the people, their personal preferences and their refusal to long suffer so as to maintain the unity of the body. They held themselves and their interests and their way of doing things as superiorly important to those of others. They were no longer diligently maintaining the unity. They were no longer considering as extremely important what is best, and the well-being of others. When in conflict, they were not following what God’s Word says and as a result, the Church was headed to the graveyard of Churches.

So, maintaining the unity, through a commitment to live in longsuffering relationships with one another, is a key to becoming a healthy church family. Today and next week, we want continue looking at Ephesians 4:11-16. This week, in verses 11-13, we want to look at what the parents’ responsibility is to the church family, that is, what is the role of the Church’s leadership. Next week, we will look at what is the kids’ responsibility to the church family, that is, the rest of the body.

In the past, when I have preached expositionally through just these three verses, it has taken me five, forty-five minute messages. This morning, we will not do that. Our goal for this morning is mainly to get the big picture and make it simple.

Please follow along as I read these verses, and then we will break them down into bite-size, digestible chunks. God’s Word says, “And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.”

First, in verse 11, Paul identifies who the spiritual “parents” or guardians are of the local Church. Basically, it is the leadership. Or, to be even more specific, the pastors or elders. Keep in mind, different than Paul’s letter written to one small local Church at Philippi, this letter to the Ephesians was written to a large metropolitan city filled with several Churches. This, in effect, was a cyclical letter that was sent throughout the Churches in Ephesus. Not each local Church in Ephesus had each one of these kinds of leaders. As a result, each Church’s particular makeup of leaders would determine its own personality and specific way that Church fulfilled its purpose in building up the body of Christ and reaching the world for Christ. 

For instance: if one Church had a spiritually-gifted evangelist, then their approach to evangelism would be different than that of the Church across town that had no spiritually-gifted evangelist. The Church without the spiritually-gifted evangelist was still responsible to do the work of evangelism, but how they evangelized and the results of their evangelism would not look the same as that of their fellow Church across town.

After identifying the “who,” the leadership of the Church, Paul then tells us in verse 12a, what this leadership is to do. He says that God has placed the elders in the Church, “for the equipping of the saints.” In other words, the elders are to intentionally equip the saints or the rest of those who are a part of their church family.

Although it is not stated right here, the basis from which all equipping is done is clearly stated in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 which reads, “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” The Word of God, the Bible, is the foundation, the textbook from which all discipleship, all mentoring, all spiritual counseling, and growth is based. It is why the leadership at Crossroads is committed to expository preaching, rather than to topical messages. It is why the leadership at Crossroads is committed to sermons that last longer than twenty or thirty minutes. The teaching of the Word of God is central to the equipping and spiritual growth of the body.

Well, for what purpose are the leaders to equip the individuals in their local Churches? He says, “for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ;”.  In a nutshell, the leadership are to intentionally shepherd the Church so that Church growth takes place. What does he mean by Church growth? He does not really have in mind that you increase the numbers of people who attend your Church. By Church growth, Paul has two things in mind: Here in Ephesians, the Church growth he has in mind is the individual edification, the spiritual growth of the individual. That is the building up or making stronger of an individual so that the individual can walk effectively with Christ fulfilling his or her purpose in this life. As we will see next week, this building up requires the common effort of the whole Church. No one can grow mature in his or her faith in isolation. And all members are to take seriously their role in helping others to grow. The leadership’s job is to intentionally provide the leadership direction so that these things happen.

There is a second angle to Church growth that is equally important in the building up of the body. Paul clearly points to that in his letter to the Philippians, in which he stresses that the responsibility of the local Church to Church growth includes the reaching out to the lost and bringing them to Christ and building them up as well. 

Please note that Paul introduces this “building up of the body of Christ” by calling it “a work of service.” This is not play time. This definitely can be enjoyable, as enjoyable as raising children. But sometimes, just as raising children can be hard and even frustrating work, so is the building up of the body of Christ. It is work for all of us. Each and every one of us is commanded by God, as members of a church family, to be a part of this work of service, contributing to the building up of one another. It was never meant to be an option. It’s not a matter of whether or not you feel like it. To turn away from this responsibility because it takes work is not only blatant disobedience, it is also unhealthy for you. 

As it concerns the leadership, we understand what God says the leadership is supposed to do, but how will we know when we have done what we are supposed to do? God tells us, in verse 13, that the leadership is to keep after its responsibility “until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.”

Now that’s a mouthful! Let me break it down for you into its parts and then summarize it for you. The leadership is challenged to keep in focus two objectives of biblical Church growth: first, til we all attain the unity of the faith. 

If you remember the context of the expression of “the faith,” back in verse 5, Paul was not saying that we all have to agree on every jot and tittle of doctrine. No Church has ever had that unity or full agreement of doctrine in the entirety of Church history. That’s one reason that there are so many various evangelical Churches. This expression, “the faith” specifically points to the faith concerning Jesus Christ and who you are in Christ. The first three chapters of Ephesians are specifically dedicated to instructing us as to who we are in Christ. These last three chapters explain how, who we are in Christ, is to be lived out in our everyday life with other believers. 

But merely “attaining the unity of the faith” or understanding in one’s head who you are in Christ, is not enough. That’s why Paul adds, “and of the knowledge of the Son of God.”  There are a lot of Christians who have head knowledge but no experiential knowledge of their faith. The knowledge to which Paul is referring here is experiential knowledge. It is this very “experiential knowledge” that the Apostle Paul prays for the Ephesians to learn, back in 1:15-21.

Allow me to illustrate just what is necessary for experiential knowledge to take place, and in turn for spiritual growth to take place. I have learned in the past and just recently had to experience once again one of those unique growing times in my life. Someone once said that all of us come to various points throughout our lives where head knowledge moves into experiential knowledge which in turn produces spiritual growth. Those times of spiritual growth have two elements which have to take place. The first element is what I have heard called the “need to know” opportunity. It is one of those times that you come to a place in your life that you have never been before and you don’t know how to move forward. Some might even call it a crisis moment in your life when you cry out to God, “Help me, Lord. I don’t know what to do about this.” That’s the need to know situation.

Then comes the second element, the “need to grow” opportunity, when God hears your cry for instruction, and from the Word of God, He either shows you or He sends someone else to show you from the Word what to do. It’s a moment in time when God instructs. Now, if you are going to take advantage of this opportunity to grow, you must decide: will you obey what God says you must do, or will you not obey? What if what He asks of you hurts you, costs you something or makes demands of you that you do not like or it doesn’t feel good? Here’s the test: Will you obey in faith and grow? Or, disobey and not grow? 

Recently, God made it very clear what I needed to do to grow. He has asked me to do something that I did not want to do, because I knew it would only bring me greater pain. Yet, if I want to grow and honor Him, I must, and have, chosen to do what He has said, regardless of what displeasure or cost it will bring my way.

However, is that enough for me to grow? All I have to do is choose to obey? No. Why? Because even though I make a deliberate choice to obey, it doesn’t mean I will obey or stick to the course that God has set before me. By myself, I can still quietly choose to stop walking in obedience.

And the same is true for you. Why is this? Because God knows that as long as we live in this self -centered fallen world, we cannot grow in isolation even if we really want to. You and I require the help of others in order to continue to grow. We will see clearly next week that God has designed us that way. 

Let me be very practical with you to explain why we can’t grow spiritually in this world living in isolation. First, when you come to that time where you are desperate and you don’t know what to do; when you come to the time of “need to know”, do you really think you have perspective on the entire issue that surrounds you? No you don’t. Alone, you do not have true perspective on your situation. If you are like “Eeyore”, that dear sweet donkey in Winnie the Pooh, who always thinks the world is coming to an end, and you are ready to push the panic button every time you see a foreboding time, then you don’t have perspective. You need someone on the outside to help you see reality. On the other side of the spectrum, if you are “Polly Anna,” where everything is always okay, then you don’t have perspective either. You need someone on the outside to help you see reality. You cannot grow spiritually as a loner, because you do not have true perspective on you or your situation.

Here’s a second reason you cannot grow spiritually in isolation. Let’s say that, like me, you discover what God is telling you to do and you commit to do what He says. Are you capable of holding yourself accountable? No. Alone, you cannot hold yourself accountable in the long run to your commitments. You need others to hold you accountable to obeying what God has called you to do, especially when it is something hard! 

Furthermore, you cannot grow in isolation when you are facing faith challenges, because you need others to come alongside you when the pain or difficulty appears to be too great to encourage you, to remind you of truths forgotten and to point you to the God of hope. Alone, you cannot encourage yourself.

Bottom line: You cannot successfully grow spiritually in isolation, no matter how good intentioned or spiritual or old you are. The only way you will truly gain experientially, knowledge as to how to live in Christ, is to live in community with others who from the Word of God can give you perspective, hold you accountable, and when needed, encourage you in your walk of faith. And as leadership, the pastor and elders, we must intentionally provide the shepherding that allows and encourages you to experientially grow in the faith. If we do not, then the leadership is not equipping the saints. 

Second, the leadership of the Church is to continue equipping the saints until we all attain....to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.  The mature man is one who is actively serving Jesus Christ, as Christ served the Father when He came to this earth. If you want to read about what a mature Christian looks like, if you want to read what the “stature which belongs to Christ” is all about, then read or listen to the following: Philippians 2:5-11. “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”  That’s the “full stature of Christ.” Maturity is reached when we sacrificially reach out beyond ourselves to build up other struggling believers or reach out beyond ourselves to introduce others to Jesus. That’s what Jesus did for us. Maturity is revealed by our intentional ongoing service to others.

Hence, for how long is the leadership to be about intentional shepherding of the rest of the church family? Until every person understands experientially who they are in Christ, and expresses the maturity of the fullness of Christ, that maturity that is revealed in sacrificial service of the building up of the body of Christ.

The responsibility of the leadership of a local Church is to intentionally shepherd the flock, so that they will become spiritually mature, for the purpose of serving as Jesus Christ served.

Take just a quick moment and travel back with me to the Church at Philippi and Paul’s letter to the Philippians. I purposefully left out one more important observation I made last week in my study. The leaders in the Church at Philippi for many years had intentionally shepherded that Church, equipping the saints, such that they were growing together in love and reaching out in love to the lost and other hurting believers. Then something happened. We really don’t know exactly what, but somehow they got distracted by lesser things. In the end, they had allowed peoples’ selfish interests and conflicts to stop the moving forward of the equipping of the saints and in turn, disunity took place. That’s why Paul introduces this letter as he has never introduced any of his other letters. He writes, “Paul and Timothy, bond-servants of Christ Jesus, To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, including the overseers and deacons:”. In other words, Paul, as gently as he can, is saying to these Church leaders whom he absolutely loves, “You are responsible for allowing these disruptive conflicts to continue on in your Church. You need to step up to the plate and correct those divisive self- interested people who chase after their preferences under the guise of principle, hold grudges and refuse to be reconciled. You need to return to intentionally shepherding the flock, so that they are once again the unified, loving reaching out family I know them to be.

Friends, on behalf of every member of the Board, we have an admission to make to you this morning. I know every one of our elders. They are godly men, good- willed, good-intentioned men, who have an excellent grip on the Scriptures. Some of them have served with me since the birthing of this fellowship as we know it today. We are very much like the leaders at the Church of Philippi. We began well, intentionally shepherding the flock with a devised plan to equip the saints that worked well for years. But we have to admit to you this morning that somehow, like the Philippian leaders, we have been distracted from the intentional shepherding style of leadership, to more of a maintenance style of leadership. As a result, our church family is not as healthy as it can be. We are not building into each others’ lives as God has called us to do. We are not as focused on reaching out to the lost as we have been in the past. As elders, we take responsibility for this oversight. Furthermore, we are presently, seriously seeking the Lord’s direction as to how He would have us to proceed. How is it that He would have us get back on track, in accordance with His Word. Because we care about you and what’s best for all of us, we ask that you commit to praying for us in the months ahead as we return to intentionally shepherding this flock.

One last thing: We are not the second Church in the history of the Church that has come to this point. There have been many others just like us. As I have watched over the years, Churches trying to turn themselves around, sometimes the leadership comes back to the congregation with their vision, but the motive behind their vision is really not what’s best for the spiritual health of the church family, but what will make the Church look vibrant or make the leadership look good. We are not interested in what looks good on the outside or what attracts people. We want to know from God what He wants us to do as it concerns your best interests. How can we best serve/lead you to deeper spiritual growth such that you will fulfill your personal calling before God.

Therefore, we commit to you to seek out God’s direction as to what He says will be best for us, as based upon His Word. We have a lot of wonderful things taking place in this fellowship. The fact that there are new people coming to Christ through this ministry, the fact that there are people being discipled and growing is really a mark of God’s favor and mercy toward us. The positive growth of women’s ministry, men’s ministry, the various youth ministries, etc. are all signs of life. We are far from dead. However, there are some similar unhealthy signs of the Philippian Church raising up their ugly heads here. And we don’t intend to allow that to continue on. The vision that God’s Word declares for the local Church is clear. What we seek is this Church’s individual strategy for intentional shepherding at this time and place in our church family’s life, such that we fulfill God’s biblical vision for the Church. Please pray for us. In the months ahead, as we have formulated more clearly what we are presently working on, we will bring it to you, and seek your involvement.

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