CALLED TO BE A FAMILY

The Kids’ Responsibility To The Family
Ephesians 4:14-16
Bob Bonner
April 29, 2007

Football strategist and Hall of Fame coach, Vince Lombardi, was a fanatic about fundamentals. Those who played under his leadership often spoke of his intensity, his drive, his endless enthusiasm for the guts of the game. Time and again he would come back to the basic techniques of blocking and tackling. On one occasion his team, the Green Bay Packers, lost to an inferior team. It was bad enough to lose...but to lose to THAT team was absolutely inexcusable. Coach Lombardi called a practice the very next morning. The men sat silently, looking more like whipped puppies than a team of champions. They had no idea what to expect from the man whom they had come to fear most.

Gritting his teeth and staring holes through one athlete after another Lombardi began: "Ok men, now we go back to the basics..." Holding a football high enough for all to see, he continued to yell: "...gentlemen, THIS is a FOOTBALL!"

How basic can you get? He's got guys sitting there who have been playing on gridirons for 15-20 years...who know offensive and defensive plays better than they know their kids' names...and he introduces them to a football! That's like saying, "Maestro, this is a baton." Or, "Librarian, this is a book." Or, "Marine, this is a rifle." Or, "Mother, this is a diaper." Talk about the obvious!

Why in the world would a seasoned coach talk to professional athletes like that? Apparently it worked, for no one else ever led his team to three consecutive world championships. But how? Lombardi operated on a simple philosophy. He believed that excellence could be achieved best by perfecting the basics of the sport. He didn't believe in a lot of the razzle-dazzle, crowd-pleasing, risk-taking plays that might have filled the stadium for a few weeks and even won some games. He believed that the winners would be those who played smart, heads-up, hard-nosed football. His strategy was know your position and learn how to do it right. And then do it with all your might!

That simple philosophy put Green Bay, Wisconsin, on the map. Before Lombardi's advent, it was a frozen whistle stop between Oshkosh and Iceland.

What works in the game of football works in the Church as well. With solid, balanced coaching or parenting, Churches that succeed keep at the task of perfecting the basics. The ultimate spiritual parent over the Church is God the Father. He addresses His church family in Ephesians 4:11-16, and explains to them the basics of what it takes to be a healthy church family.

In verses 11-13, which we looked at last week, we learned what the responsibility is of a local Church’s earthly spiritual parent’s, the elders. Basically, the spiritual leadership’s job is to "...equip the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ." 

This morning, we want to look at what the spiritual responsibility of the non-leaders, the “kids’ responsibility” to the church family is, as it is spelled out for us in verses 14-16.  The Apostle Paul writes, “As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming;”

Through the Apostle’s words, God is warning us as well as exhorting us, not to remain as children in our relationship to the Lord. Here, God is challenging the spiritual parents, the leadership of the Church, to prepare the “kids,” those not in leadership, for spiritual adulthood—to learn truth and to take spiritual responsibility for their lives. And in this country, that can be one difficult assignment for any parent, whether a spiritual parent or otherwise. Why is it so uniquely difficult in this country? Because this country was birthed on the glory of the independent spirit. Added to that, nowadays, the world view encourages all people to question and disrespect if not outright defy any and all authority. All of which makes for a challenge for any leader to teach the biblical view of submission to authority or to show deference or honor to those in authority. However, regardless of our world’s social climate, the Church leadership still has its calling before God to do its part to parent, or teach the children in the faith. 

Like little children in one’s family, many attendees in Churches are childlike in that they are spiritually gullible, deceived, short-sighted, undiscerning, me-centered rather than other-centered. Added to that, like all the Churches in the first century, those believers were struggling with separating their world view from the biblical view which is to be the basis of the way we live. Here, in this passage, God is instructing the spiritual leaders of the Church to teach and encourage the “children” to learn the Word of God. Church leadership is to intentionally shepherd in such a way that we provide opportunities for people to grow in accordance with the Word of God.

In verse 14, Paul highlights three specific dangers by which spiritual “children” are typically led astray and need preparation to stand against. The first danger “every wind of doctrine” is the various false doctrines and doctrinal extremes pushed by individuals within the Church.

Church leaders, and preachers, especially, bounce from one doctrinal extreme to another. In many of our evangelical Churches we have preachers "majoring on the minors,” and "minoring on the majors." Sometimes, it’s not so much that the doctrine is wrong, but that one doctrine gets focused upon, to the exclusion of all other doctrines. They get stuck on certain subjects, like prophecy, or the work of the Holy Spirit, or just evangelism, or just body life or the love of God and never on the justice of God. 

To avoid that danger, we, here, at Crossroads, deliberately choose to preach through books of the Bible, knowing that if we do, we can't help but touch on the whole counsel of God; and by teaching through books of the Bible, we can’t avoid touching on those subjects that are sometimes difficult, unpopular or uncomfortable to speak about. Once in awhile, when the Lord specifically directs us into a series like this one, or one on prayer or a doctrinal subject like eternal rewards, we will go there. But, even then, typically, the messages are based on a passage of Scripture rather than a selection of verses from which one can bounce all over, ripping verses out of their context.

So, the first mark of a spiritual child is that he or she is unaware of, and follows after, leaders who exclusively teach doctrinal extremes and false doctrines as true.

The second way spiritual children are misled, is “by the trickery of men.” The word "trickery" comes from a word which was used to refer to men who played with loaded dice. They deliberately tricked or misled people for their own benefit. This refers to those non-Christian or liberal theologians or unscrupulous leaders who water down passages or quote them out of context or come up with some reason why the verses shouldn’t be in the Bible, so as to benefit their own interests.

For instance: one of the most often misused verses in this vein is Proverbs 29:18, which reads in the King James Version:  “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” This verse is continually used to support the idea that God wants us to make big and grand goals to do things in a mega way for Him. Although God does declare that He wants us to be organized because He is organized, this verse has nothing to do with goal settings or coming up with what we typically `refer to as a “vision.” The word used there for "vision" literally is a reference to the actual Word of God. This verse is talking about how people who ignore or don't have the Word of God are going to live unrestrained lives, and maybe even perish as a result of that. But those who obey the law are going to be happier or blessed. Hence, people misuse this verse to demand that we create a vision for the Church or come up with a modern vision for the Church, rather than seeking to apply God’s vision already spelled out in the Word of God. One of the challenges of church leadership is to take into account the people and assets of the local Church and to strategize how they can be organized and used so as to fulfill God’s vision for the Church. But it is never the Church’s job to create a vision, no matter what people think, Proverbs 29:18 says.

A second mark of a spiritual child is one who does not know when someone else is abusing Scripture to push his/her point of view or convictions, to manipulate or mislead the “children.”

And closely related to this is the third way spiritual children are misled, Paul says, "by craftiness in deceitful scheming."  Since Paul uses this same expression of "deceitful scheming" in 6:11, we can assume that Paul is referring here to Satan's involvement in leading people subtly astray from truth by using people he is directly or indirectly influencing in evil ways. In context with 6:11, Satan will typically pit one believer against another. The evidence of that pitting of one against another is stated in 4:31, the stirring up of bitterness, clamor, slander and malice, all of which breeds contention and disunity, the very opposite of what Paul calls for in 4:32, being kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving. It is for this reason that the Apostle Paul warns in 6:12 that the battle of all Christians who find themselves in conflict with one another, is not with that other person. Their enemy is not flesh and blood. It is Satan who is manipulating that person or the relationship to destroy or bring division in the church family. That other person within the local Church with whom they find themselves at odds or disliking is not their enemy. That other person is their eternal brother or sister in Christ.  That’s why we are instructed from God’s Word not to treat them with harshness and slander. Rather, with grace and longsuffering, that comes from knowing yourself and your own need for being treated with longsuffering, and for your own need for Christ to continue His ongoing personal transforming work in your life. But spiritual children typically can’t distinguish their enemy from their growing family member.

Hence, a spiritual child is a Christian who is unstable in his personal walk with Christ and needs to be taught the Scriptures. The spiritual child’s responsibility is to follow the leading of and to receive spiritual instruction from the spiritual parents. The child needs to get biblical truth into his head and then have the opportunity to put it into practical experience in his life. It’s never enough to know the truth, we must put it into practice. We have many Christians who know the truth, but few who “epignosco” the truth, or personally are applying it. And as we have seen in 4:1-3, one sign of spiritual adulthood is when an individual practices the truth of longsuffering, not heavy-handed, or demanding perfection, and takes seriously the diligently maintaining of the unity which is ours, rather than being divisive.

In all three areas, biblical truth is the answer to raising spiritual children to maturity. It is the responsibility of the church’s spiritual leadership to make sure that the Bible is continually taught and followed as the basis of our practiced faith. Again, that's why expository preaching is the cornerstone of this church’s equipping ministry. That’s why we encourage personal Bible study for each person in this fellowship. Psalm 1 teaches us “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.” This psalm clearly indicates that only as each of us as individuals digs into Scriptures, learns what the Word says and specifically applies it to our life, will we develop roots that will keep us from getting blown away or misled by every wind of unbalanced doctrine of false truths. Only as we put the truth into practice will our lives be fruitful and eternally prosperous.

One of the typical challenges of all children in obeying or listening to or following after their parents or anyone in authority is when they know that their parents aren’t perfect. But, nonetheless, God still tells children to honor their parents and all those in authority. Likewise, it is also presumed from this passage, that the member’s responsibility is to make a conscious decision to follow the Church’s leadership, as imperfect as it may be. The only exception to that is when the Church deliberately encourages people to do that which is clearly unscriptural. God has not appointed or called church leaders to lead because they are perfect or have all the answers, any more than all parents must be perfect and have all the answers in order to be honored as parents. That’s why, in this imperfect world, God charges and commands those who are not the leaders or the elders of the Church with these words found in 1 Peter 5:5, “You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” To further educate us as to what a healthy church family looks like when it is functioning properly, God gives us an illustration, that begins with the end of verse 15 and continues through verse 16. It is the illustration of a properly-working human body. We read, “but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.”

As we look at these two verses, let’s first look at what is the most important part of the human body, without which it cannot function properly, and that is the head. Here, this word for head, does not mean just head, as one who is in authority over someone or the one who gives direction, but it also means "head" in the sense of source or origin, like the headwaters of a river is the source from which that river flows. In this case, Christ is not only the head or the authority which governs what the rest of the body does, but Christ is also the origin or source of the power which enables His Church to fulfill its two-fold task: the building up of fellow believers, so that we in turn, can reach the lost. Hence, as we seek Him, He will supernaturally direct and enable us to build into each others’ lives.

In addition, Paul tells us how Jesus Christ plans to use us to build into each other's lives in verse 16. He says that it is through Christ that "the whole body, is being fitted and held together..."

The expression, "being fitted together" is a unique word in Greek literature, invented by Paul to teach a truth, hitherto not understood. It is a word which is made up of three different words: Sun = "with," harmos = (from which we get our word harmony, but it means) "joint"---and what's a joint in layman's terms? It’s a grouping of bones and ligaments working together to enable movement of a portion of the body, like the knee joint; then the third word is logeamai = "to choose"

When you put these three words together, Paul's meaning becomes more apparent. Jesus has chosen to join together several individuals to function like the body parts that make up a joint. And all of these joints, along with the rest of the body parts are designed by Christ to work together in harmony to accomplish His task. When a muscle doesn’t function as the head tells it to, we call the action of that muscle of the body a “spasm.”

Allow me to take this a few steps further to make two more specific applications from this observation. It should be obvious from this that there is no such thing as lone ranger-type Christians in a local Church that is spiritually healthy. None of us reach the point where we can coast on our past involvement in a Church. We never reach a chronological age or gain an established amount of Bible knowledge whereby we don’t need one another or need to be involved in a tangible way to be a part of others’ lives in the local church. Furthermore, to be tangibly involved in another’s life requires that I do more than come to church on Sunday mornings. I need to connect somehow on a regular basis with others in my church family. I need to come together regularly with others who can ask me hard questions about my walk. Hold me accountable. Encourage me. Give me perspective when I am not thinking correctly about something.

Think about this for a moment: How healthy would your physical body be if suddenly, at age 60, your right arm or leg suddenly said, “I quit! I’m retired. I don’t want to participate with the rest of my body. So, the rest of you, hobble along without me.” We would not call that person’s body healthy. Although it may not be politically correct, to say this, it is the truth. And truthfully described, a body like that is handicapped because one member of that body has quit working.  For each of us to be healthy, for this church family to be healthy, we need to be connected in a tangible way to other parts of the body, functioning for the same purpose.

By the way, next Sunday, Joe Burgess is going to be speaking to this specific issue. Not only will he be speaking next week in the middle of this series, on something the Board has recommended be taught, he will be closing this series. I can’t wait to hear him. One of the reasons he will be speaking on behalf of the Board, is that we want you to recognize that this truly is a unified elder-led fellowship committed to teaching the Word, and that together we are very serious about all of us taking to heart these basic truths that are necessary for us to be a healthy, unified Church, that is committed to building up the body of Christ.

A second very important personal application from this passage is that it teaches us that Jesus is the one who is responsible for choosing an individual, like yourself, to be a part of a particular church family. Just like I once thought I first chose Christ to be my Savior, and later found out that God’s Word teaches that He chose me first, before the foundation of the world, so I have recently come to understand that although I used to think I was the one who chose to be here at Calvary Crossroads, I did not. God’s Word, in the original language, clearly reveals in these two verses that He chose for me to be here fitted together with you. Therefore, I can choose to stay here and learn to love you, as is God’s plan; or, I can ignore God’s call for me to be here, seek for newer and easier people to love who share my same preferences on how the Church should be run and miss out on a tremendous blessing of God in my life, as He causes me to grow in Christ.

You might be wondering, “How did you come up with that conclusion that God chose for you to be here and not the other way around? When did Jesus choose for you and me to be a part of this local family?” Great question! Glad you asked! Well, since Jesus is all-knowing, and has chosen me to be His long before the foundation of the world, it is reasonable to conclude that long before I was saved, Jesus chose for me to be a part of this fellowship. Furthermore, Psalm 139 tells me that God ordained every day of my life. Hence, I am not here by accident or by my own choosing. I am here because He placed me here and, as our passage teaches, we are by God’s sovereign, providential will “being fitted together.”  Is there ever a time that I could be in God’s will and leave this fellowship? Absolutely. However, like the permission to be divorced, there are a lot fewer reasons for God to give permission for us to reject one another than many people would like to think! It is through this rubbing shoulders together and learning to long suffer with one another, that genuine, authentic, and committed love is learned and displayed. It is this tough love that demonstrates to the world that we are Christ’s disciples. 

I have only recently realized the huge implications this truth has for my life. For example: As a pastor, if the grass looks greener to take on a ministry elsewhere, or if I choose to quit the ministry, am I really free to do so, because it might be my preference or the easy thing to do?  The answer to that has to come from answering another question: Am I or are you Christ’s servant, or is He our servant? Did I call Him to follow me or did He call me to follow Him? Did He create the Church for me or for you, or for my or for your preferences, or did He create each of us to be His chosen fitted part of this body for His purposes and preferences? Again, who is serving whom? Who’s preferences are to be considered above all else? 

Since I have been called to be His servant, His preferences are to rule my life, not my desires for comfort, ease or personal preference.  So, whether we stay with a Church or leave a Church, we had better be sure God truly has released us and it is not a choice we are making because somehow, “ I’m tired of trying to love you,” or “tired of not having my preferences realized.” For now, I’ll leave you to ponder those implications of Christ first calling you and His calling you to a Church.

The next two words in verse 16 explain something else that the "head," Jesus Christ is doing in His Church. He not only hand-picked you and me to be a part of this local Church, but He also gave each of us certain abilities needed to make this Church function properly. He fit us together and verse 16 goes on to say, He also is the one who "holds us together."

The word used here for “hold together,” literally means "to cause to stay together.” Jesus is causing us to stay together. It is His purpose that we bond, stay together, through developing a committed relationship based in Him. How does Christ hold us together? By so sovereignly designing each of us that we lack something the other has to offer.  Hence, we need each other, if we are mutually going to bring one another to spiritual maturity and accomplish the task of leading others to Christ.

Having pointed to Christ’s role in calling us to be a family, let’s not miss the role we have to play in becoming a properly functioning body of believers. We are not without personal responsibility in making this Church a properly-functioning body. In verse 15a, we read, “but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up [literally, this is a charge or command of God. In the original language, it would more accurately be translated, “let us grow up” or “let us be about the business of growing up] in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ”.

There are going to be days when every one of us wish that maybe we were a part of another church family. Just like in every great marriage, there are moments when we wonder, “Wouldn’t life be a lot easier if I were not married, or married to another person?” It is at that time, we need to be reminded that God has called us together to do a work of building up this body so that together we can reach the lost for Christ. Therefore, I must choose to submit to His calling me and putting me with you and you with me for His purpose. 

Furthermore, the real medium that will, in the end, make this working together profitable for all is “love.” Twice in verse 15 and verse 16 Paul mentions that love is the medium through which we function. It is like the blood that circulates through the properly-functioning human body that enables us to live. The literal translation of “speaking the truth in love” is “truthing in love.” This is significant because it brings together both the action of doing and speaking in love. It’s the doing and speaking love that is the medium by which we cause each other to grow up in Christ. Sometimes people say they are speaking in love, while their actions defy their declaration. “Truthing in love” means your actions speak as loudly as your words. Check out 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. The ends do not justify the means. I know it is a well-known and often-quoted passage. But it is rarely taken seriously. It’s viewed as poetry. Well, it’s much more than poetry. It is the instruction of the Word of God. Hence, if someone challenges you that your words do not match your actions, then take seriously their challenge before God and His Word and see if they are right.  Then take the appropriate action.

I close, by once again returning to Paul’s letter to the Philippians. He exhorts us, like the Philippians, “Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

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