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CALLED TO BE A FAMILY
“One in the Bond of Love”
Ephesians 4:25
Joe Burgess
May 6, 2007
It would be very hard to live up to the build up Bob gave last week, but I trust that from what I have to share this morning that you find God’s Word more than adequate and that His Spirit will fill in any of the gaps.
When I was last up here, on March 11th, I spoke about my pictures of the church. There was no printed outline or fill in the blanks, but just an expression of what I saw portrayed in Scripture as a description of the church. In that message I stressed two points. They were, “Oneness is truly a God thing” and “Love is an action word.” This is what I have come back this morning to speak about in more detail by looking at two “one anothers” – “love one another,” and “members of one another.” One of them is a condition of who we are and the other is the life blood by which we function.
We’ve got a five year old in our home, and he likes to sing. One of the songs that he has butchered in some form is one that is pretty catchy. Unfortunately for the rest of the family it was the theme of a show our older boys (and myself) could not stand–Barney, the big purple dinosaur. You’ve probably heard it, and if you want to help out you can. The words go like this.
I love you, You love me
We’re a happy family
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to you
Won’t you say you love me too?
I can’t sing well, but I love music and I love it in a wide variety of forms. I love the way we sing about love. Just think of some of the songs that we have sung in our churches over the years.
We are one in the bond of love
We are one in the bond of love
We have joined our spirit with the Spirit of God
We are one in the bond of love
And the second,
Bind us together Lord
Bind us together Lord
With cords that cannot be broken
Bind us together Lord
Bind us together Lord
Bind us together with love (1)
There is only one God
There is only one King
There is only one body
That is why we can sing (2)
Do any of you have a song that comes to mind? Maybe you can give a quick line or the title. We don’t have the time to go any further than that.
Whether it is in the Christian realm or not, songs about the desire and expression of love have endured longer than most others. People deeply desire to be loved, and in our world today they chase after it in every imaginable way, only to find in the great number of cases extreme disappointment and frustration. People want to be a part of a loving, healthy family. The one anothers we are looking at today have this issue at their very root.
The first of the two is “love one another.”
As we look at the various “one another” exhortations in Scripture, there is an important observation to be made. And that is that this one “one another” to “love one another” is repeated much more often than any other. I am convinced that it is repeated so often because it is the life blood through which all of the others are possible. Of the 58 times we find the word for one another used, 11 times we are told to love one another. And if you include Christ's direct commands to love one another, it is used 16 times.
When the apostle Paul was thrilled with a church and its process of building up one another, he always thanked God for their love. For example: Paul writes to those believers at Colossae, “We give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love which you have for all the saints;”(Colossians 1:3-4). To the believers at the church in Thessolonica, Paul writes, “We ought always to give thanks to God for you, brethren, as is only fitting, because your faith greatly enlarged, and the love of each one of you all toward one another grows ever greater; therefore, we ourselves speak proudly of you among the churches of God for your perseverance and faith in the midst of all your persecutions and afflictions which you endure.”(2 Thessalonians 1:3-4).
When Paul evaluated a church’s maturity, the “bottom line” was always “love.” Peter agrees with Paul, for he says, “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”(1 Peter 4:8).
Bob began his main portion of this series with verses 1-3 of Ephesians 4. In that message we heard that we were to do certain things toward each other in love. It was the first of the “one anothers” we would be looking at, and that was that we forbear or suffer long with one another, and the way in which we are supposed to do that was “in love.” This term “in love” was also found in last week’s passage, where we read that we were to speak the truth to one another in love and that as we did this and as the body worked together in oneness that we would experience the growth of the body in love. As we continue through Ephesians we find that chapter 5 begins with the statement that we are to walk in love just as Christ also loved us.
It seems pretty obvious to me that the foundational principle that relates to us being knit together as a family is that it was done in love, and that we are to continue in that way. Every thing that we have looked at and everything we will look at is based upon action, and the fundamental guiding principle for all of these actions is that they are founded “in love.”
The source of this love is God and it was shown supremely to us through the actions of Jesus Christ. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus, Himself, before He was crucified, gave us the New Commandment with an example in John 13:34 and it was that we love one another even as He has loved us. This is how we are to love one another.
John 13:34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”
And this is not something that we are to muscle up on our own. Sure, Christ modeled it and Christ commanded it, but even the power we have to follow the example and the command is richly given to us by God. Robin read my notes, and she reminded me of a favorite verse she has frequently heard from Neva True which is Romans 5:5.
Romans 5:5 “and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
Love is not something we have to muster up. It is a gift from God that we are to freely share. So, our first point from Scripture today and our life blood “one another” is this:
A. Love one another = The glue that binds us together is the love of Christ, and as we have richly experienced it we are to freely share it.
The truth is that the bond has already been established through Christ. Yet we daily find that living this truth is a real challenge. It is for this reason that Scripture pays so much attention to exhortations for us to do all that we do to one another in love and to the specifics of even how and what we are to do. One of the places where we find help in this area is in the next several verses of Ephesians. If you have not turned there already would you turn to Ephesians 4 as I start reading at verse 17.
Ephesians 4:17-24 “This I say therefore, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality, for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.”
This section of Scripture is probably the favorite of all biblical counselors. It contains the biblical model for change and presents it in a very clear way, which is followed by several examples. One aspect that is often neglected in this, however, is the context in which we find it. This whole section of Scripture appears in the context of a discussion of how we relate to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ and how we both corporately and individually encourage the growth of the body. In the first of the examples about how to apply these truths, which reminds us of the context, verse 25 we read these words,
Ephesians 4:25 “Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.”
“For we are members of one another” – this is so critical to remember, and it is in this context that we will look at the rest of the verses today. Last week Bob spoke about how God has joined us together as one body. As such we ARE members of one another. This is not about joining a club. It is about being a part of ONE body. Just as my fingers and toes are body parts, so is each one of us who has accepted Jesus Christ a member of His body–the church. And in very practical ways, members of the local fellowship where you call home.
Just as we spoke of “love one another” as the life blood, “members of one another” represents the body through which the blood flows.
B. Members of one another = As a part of the body of Christ I am knit together with other believers, and I have a responsibility to lovingly serve and support the rest of the body.
But in order to live like a healthy and vibrant member we have to make an investment. When I got married I had to stop living as if I was single, and when I choose to live like I am single or when I put my own priorities first those are the times when my marriage struggles the most.
Verses 17-19 remind us that we are no longer who we once were. There was a time when every single one of us did not know Christ and it had an impact on how we lived. There is a time when most of us, accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, and at that time we became a new creation and we were set apart for a new way of living. In a very real sense we went from living a single life to a life knit together with God and others. I don’t have the time today to spend a great deal of time on these verses, so where I want to draw your attention specifically is to verse 19.
“and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality, for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness.”
The thing we see that marks unbelievers is that they live for themselves. Terms such as “hard hearted” in verse 18 and “callous” here in 19 point to someone who does not consider the interest of others. Rather they are about pleasing themselves in their sensuality or their “if it feels good do it” approach to life. They have no thought of right and they are all about self-satisfaction. Greediness is a blunt word, but it is an important word for all of us to consider. Because the truth is that the people Paul was writing to were believers in Christ who were being commanded to put aside these practices. As followers of Christ it seems obvious that some, if not many, were in actuality living as if they were single. They were living for themselves.
It would be easier to take if we could assume that they did not know any better, but the words of verse 20 tell us otherwise, “But you did not learn Christ in this way....” The last couple of weeks Bob has pointed to his head and then to his heart and has spoken of the disconnect that happens to us. We hear and know things, but we don’t embrace them, and in embracing them apply them to our daily lives. I agree with Bob’s comments last week about even us as Christians have become so “preference and self-oriented.” How much have we really adopted various forms of optional Christianity, of optional involvement, of consumer oriented church? We need to take seriously the way in which we learned Christ and purpose to live consistently. Scripture calls us to deal with our selfishness, and Ephesians tells us how.
How we deal with verses 21-24 individually will determine how we grow corporately. And according to verse 25, it is imperative for the health of the body that we as individuals do our part to properly reflect who we are in Christ. Verse 21 reminds us of the priority of teaching. We need to be people who seriously consider what Scripture has to say to us. But it can’t stop there. Verses 22-24 remind us of the responsibility to respond. As we learn the truths of Scripture we need to put aside those things that are not consistent and to put on those things which are. We need to be people who stop arguing with God about our personal preferences, and begin putting into practice what He tells us. The problem, as I see it, is not so much a here to here [head to heart] as much as it is a hear to here [ear to foot]. The theme for Mexico this year was “Do the do.” Scripture tells us that we need to do with what we hear.
James 1:22-25 “But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man shall be blessed in what he does.”
Because we are members of one another we need to take seriously our own part in God’s plans. If God reveals to us something that is not right in ourselves, that does not strengthen the body then we have a responsibility to personally deal with it. At the same time we are to encourage others to do likewise.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.”
God has given us His Word to equip us. It is profitable as Scripture says. It is profitable for more than just gaining head knowledge as can be done with teaching that does not lead to action, but it is profitable for showing us where we have gone off track (reproof), for showing us how to get back on track (correction), and for how to stay on track (training in righteousness), all so that we might be prepared for God’s service.
Ephesians tells us that when we find those reproof moments from Scripture that we have a personal responsibility to heed them, to stop doing the wrong or destructive behavior, and to put on the right and Scriptural behavior. After all, we are no longer who we once were. We have been made anew in the likeness of God ... created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.
Each of the points we will look at about how we deal with one another as members of one another, consistent with the principles we have just looked at, has both a “put off” and a “put on” which is based upon an understanding of truth and a call to walk in it in love.
1. Members of one another do not lie to one another, they tell the truth in love
As members of one another we have a responsibility to treat each other in certain other oriented ways. The first one we find in verse 25 is to stop lying. Just as we would not lie to ourselves we are not to lie to those who are a part of us. Our membership in the body of Christ requires that we be honest with one another. Lying is a selfish behavior. It is founded in protecting ourselves often at the expense of others. If we are truly going to live as members of one another we need to consider, as Scripture says, the interests of others as more important than our own.
Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
This passage contains another one of those “one anothers.” That is how we regard one another, that we are not self-focused and greedy individuals, that we do not become callous to the needs of others. One way we reflect that is in our truth telling, and as was said last week this needs to be done in love.
2. Members of one another do not harbor anger toward one another, they are lovingly longsuffering and forgiving.
Verses 26 and 27 tell us,
Ephesians 4:26-27 “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
Anger is a destructive emotion, and it is always directed somewhere. We can be angry at ourselves, God and others, but it always requires a direction and if left undealt with always results in an effect. When we harbor anger we close the door to other “one anothers” such as being long suffering with one another or forgiving one another, and Satan has a hay day both in our hearts and in our relationships. If we are serious about our membership with one another we need to be serious about our attitudes toward one another, and when something arises we need to be diligent to deal with it properly by either setting it aside as unimportant or lovingly approaching those who are involved.
3. Members of one another do not steal from one another, they lovingly give to meet others’ needs.
Verse 28 tells us,
Ephesians 4:28 “Let him who steals steal no longer; but rather let him labor, performing with his own hands what is good, in order that he may have something to share with him who has need.”
Our culture is about what we can get. Yea, we might be nice about it in some ways or philanthropic at times, but ultimately it is about self-satisfaction. The ultimate end of this is getting what we want at any cost. Bob spoke of the intense pleasure Paul had in thinking of the Philippian believers because of how they showed their consistent love toward him, and how they gave out of their meager possessions in order to support Paul and the ministry of the gospel.
Paul concluded his letter to Titus with the following exhortation.
Titus 3:14 “And let our people also learn to engage in good deeds to meet pressing needs, that they may not be unfruitful.”
Members of one another work hard for each other’s benefit. They are giving, and in so doing reflect the free and sacrificial giving of our Lord.
4. Members of one another do not tear each other down, rather they lovingly speak timely words intended to build up and are full of grace.
Verse 29 continues with another way in which members of one another are to deal with one another. It says,
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
I recently read a book on communication which took at look at Ephesians and what the author called the “Jesus way of talking.” He used an acronym to describe five Scripture principles to guide our speech, and as I consider them I have to deal with them in the form of questions. Is my speech truthful? We already saw that we were not to lie to one another. Is my speech uplifting? This passage speaks to that question. I need to be someone who practices uplifting speech. I need to take pause before responding to consider the words which I use, and there are several practical markers I can consider.
The first and most important is to stop the garbage from flowing from my mouth. This includes cutting and angry comments. Rather, I need to be about building up the other person. This can be so easy to blow right past when I do not consider the other person as more important.
Real Example: Dinner needs to be cooked and there is a pile of dishes in the way. I went outside to tell Robin that it was time to work on dinner, and told her that I did not know how SHE would be able to prepare it since SHE did not ask the boys to do the dishes.
Was this unwholesome? YES
Was this edifying? NO
Was this necessary? NO
Did this reflect God’s grace? NO
Did I hurt Robin? YES
No matter how I look at it, this was wrong. I took advantage of timing to press a personal agenda and to do so in a harsh and condemning way. This happens all of the time in homes, and it happens all of the time in churches. As followers of Christ we need to be diligent about reflecting Christ in our speech and maybe even practicing “The Jesus way of talking” – Truthful, Uplifting, Forgiving, Thankful, and Scriptural.
5. Members of one another do not treat each other harshly, but treat one another with the loving kindness which they have learned from God.
Looking ahead to Bob’s outline I see that he is planning on coming back here in a few weeks, and this topic definitely warrants a deeper look. For today let us briefly consider the greater principles of verses 30-32.
Ephesians 4:30-32 “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
I know as a parent when I see my children fighting with each other it hurts, and I can only imagine that God grieves in some way when we as His children do not get along and we contend with Him and with each other. As we have family ties and common blood that flows through us, I think about God’s Holy Spirit who gives spiritual life and who abides in every single one of us.
We have to be about treating each other rightly. The principles of kindness, tenderness and forgiveness are critical to our health as a body. Just as human families are torn apart by not practicing such things, so is the church – the body of Christ, and with this God cannot be pleased. I trust that when we come back to revisit these verses that we will really be challenged again by God’s Word and its impact on our lives.
In closing, I think the challenge to each of us, is the one which I have felt this week working on this message and finding areas where I fall short, and that is to go back to the various points which speak about how we as members are to deal with one another. Review them. Ask yourself and ask God to keep these things fresh on your mind, be diligent to practice them in your life.
Next week Bob will speak about another group of “one anothers” which include “being devoted to one another” and “honoring one another.” Will you think about how you can better show your devotion to Christ and how you can honor him in your life by considering better how you can live as a member of Christ’s body and reflect Christ’s love to those God has chosen to make a part of your life.
Jesus gave us a new command and He gave us the supreme example. And when we abide in Him and walk in His love the results will be incredible.
John 13:35 “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
And if after all of this you are still questioning whether or not you have a place in this or whether you will choose to take your place, I would like to close by encouraging you to read the following statement which might have been typed on an old typewriter with a missing key.
Our typ-writ-r is old and d-arly lov-d, but it works quit- w-ll -xc-pt for on- of th- k-ys. W- wish at tim-s that it work-d p-rf- ctly. It is tru- that th-r- ar- forty thr-- oth-r k-ys that function w-ll -nough. But that on- k-y mak-s a big diff-r-nc-.
You ar- an -ss-ntial m-emb-r and part of th- t-am that mak-s our ministri-s possibl-. You may say, “Th-r- ar- pl-nty of oth-rs”, but that is not -ntir-ly tru-. -v-ry p-rson counts; your h-lp is vital. If you think your l-v-l of s-rvic- do-s not m-an much, r-m-mb-r this typ-writ-r and say to yours-lf, “I am a K-Y M-MB-R.” And r-m-mb-r: W- LOV- YOU! (3)
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