CALLED TO BE A FAMILY

Gal. 5:13; Eph. 5:21; Rom. 15:5-6
Bob Bonner
May 20, 2007

Recently, I came across some old Family Circus cartoons that illustrate a couple of truths of family life. The first cartoon showed several slides of a little boy pulling a rope by himself across the yard. In the final slide, his older brother chides him, “I’ve told you, you can’t play ‘tug-of-war’ by yourself!” The obvious message of this cartoon is that it takes more than one person to be a family. Furthermore, we aren’t meant to live life alone.

As I thought about this cartoon, I wondered “Why did the artist feel this message needed to be illustrated?”  I decided to review several previous Family Circus cartoons and found what I think may explain why the artist felt it necessary to remind us of something so obvious as that it takes more than one person to make a family. In a previous cartoon, the same two brothers are standing in front of their mother. The younger is crying in the background while the older is explaining to his mother, “Jeff accidentally hit me, so I accidentally hit him back!” 

The point of this cartoon is that sometimes it is difficult to accept that in order to be a family, you have to choose to live with others who may sometimes hurt you, either accidentally or on purpose. Because each of us wrestles with our own selfishness, we recognize that there is no such thing as a perfectly harmonious family who never struggles with one another. However, there are families who work at relating to one another in a more healthy manner than others, because they recognize the value of being part of a family. 

As Christians, we know that the Word of God emphasizes the value and importance of being an active member of a local church family. Healthy church families, those who effectively work together to build each other up for the purpose of reaching their neighbors with the Good News about Jesus Christ, deliberately work on those areas that encourage healthy and productive relationships. 

In this brief series, Called To Be A Family, we have noted that the governing principle of a healthy church family is that those who call a specific church their home deliberately choose to love one another. Like blood is the medium through which life is sustained in the human body, so is being committed to loving one another, that which sustains the healthy church family. Throughout the NT, there are several other one another commands that help us to better understand what it really means to love one another. Thus far, we have looked at and considered in a practical manner what the Bible says about loving one another as “members of one another, ”being “devoted to one another” choosing to “long suffer with one another” and to “honor one another” as highly precious and valuable. This morning, we want to look at three more practical one another commands.

In case you have not noticed, each of these one another commands is interwoven with each other. For instance: a case could be made that the three one another commands that we are going to look at this morning, further explain not just what it means to love one another, but they also illustrate what being “members of one another” looks like and also, they illustrate how we can practically “honor one another.” For the purpose of our study this morning, I’m placing these next three one another commands underneath “honor one another,” because I believe they demonstrate more specifically how we are to show value to others in our own church family. 

The first one another we want to look at this morning that shows us how to demonstrate that we value one another is found in Galatians 5:13. There we are told be servants of one another. The Apostle Paul instructs us, “For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity of the flesh, but through love [there’s that medium through which the life blood of the church flows] serve one another”.

If we are really going to grasp what Paul’s intent is in instructing us to serve one another we must understand the rest of the context of Galatians 5 and why Paul brings up twice in this verse this concept of freedom. We also need to understand the adversarial role “the flesh” plays in serving one another.

The concept of being free is a major theme in the book of Galatians. In 5:1, the freedom to which Paul refers is the freedom we have from being under the bondage of trying to obey all of the Laws of God in order to be saved or to maintain His approval, love and forgiveness. The message of Galatians is that Christ has set us free from having to perform in order to be accepted. Further, Paul teaches us that Christ has set us free from trying to remake ourselves into holy people. The message of Galatians is that as we seek to daily walk with Christ, He will transform our lives.

Hence, this freedom does not mean that as Christians, we are free to live any ol’ way we wish, including sinful ways. Furthermore freedom does not mean that we are not still slaves or servants of Christ. Most importantly, this freedom, in obedience to Christ demands that we, as members of the local body of Christ, take seriously our role to serve one another. Throughout the week, we are to so live our lives that we demonstrate the seriousness with which we value one another by making room in our lives to serve or reach out to one another.

Serving one another so as to demonstrate that you and the Lord value someone could be as simple as calling someone on the phone that you haven’t seen at church in awhile, simply to check up on them and to pray for them. Typically, as a pastor, I don’t take names and numbers of who is and who is not here from Sunday to Sunday and then call those who have missed church. This fellowship is too large for me to be able to keep tabs on everyone. But every once in awhile, the Lord puts someone from our fellowship on my heart to either pray for them or to call them. When the Lord does that, it is not always convenient to what my pre-arranged schedule for the day included. Yet, I have learned that when the Spirit of God prompts me to serve, even when it may appear to be inconvenient, I am to obey Him and serve others by calling them or by praying for them. When I obey the Spirit’s prompting I have ceased to be amazed at how important that unplanned prayer or phone call was. It has taught me to be more sensitive to the Spirit’s prompting as to unique opportunities to faithfully serve others and the Lord.

So important is the relational aspect of serving one another and the need for us to realize that we are members of one another, that Paul, here in Gal. 5, deliberately repeats five times between verses 13-26 that we are part of one another.  His repetition of these terms should be a blaring signal to all of us that we were created to best function as active members of a church family, involved in one another’s lives.

There is something else we can learn from this verse about serving one another. It teaches us that God realizes that our practice of serving one another is not natural to our lives. In fact, this fleshly propensity inside each of us to live for ourselves and to use others for our own purposes, pushes us not to take seriously our need to serve one another. Paul, in verses 19-22, actually lists the evidence of such a selfish lifestyle or its practices. There we read these words, “Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Note the words in italics: those italics are mine. The other items found in this laundry list of examples of the flesh are pretty much understood by most Christians to be evil and rejected by God. But these italicized examples of the flesh, we tend to overlook. I want to assure you that our Holy God does not overlook them! He despises these things every bit as much as He does immorality of all kinds and murder. And those whose lives reflect these italicized actions, those who make no attempt to reign in their words and actions that stir up strife, God says “will not inherit the kingdom of God.” 

What does that mean? Does that mean that they will lose their salvation? No. What it means is that those who practice such things and don’t take seriously the forsaking and repenting or turning away from such actions are probably not even saved....even though they may be moral in other areas of their lives and even attend church. All of these deeds are the fruits of the flesh and the lost or those who are not walking with Christ.

On the other hand, Paul lists for us those supernatural actions, those actions that are not natural to selfish human beings, but actions that nonetheless become a reality when we abide in Christ, or in other words, we live moment by moment depending upon Him to live His life through us. We read in verses 22-24, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires”. In other words, those who truly are saved, pay attention to rejecting, confessing and turning away from those previous deeds or selfish desires of the flesh. And then they choose to serve others in the local church family, as demonstrated in their goodness, patience, kindness, etc. expressed to others.

What does all of this have to do with being a healthy family member? Everything! If we are going to freely serve others in this local church family, we first have to realize that everything selfish in us will fight against serving others.  For instance, our typical non-serving hearts might think, “I don’t want to work in the nursery, or on the sound board, or serve in one of the many other ministry opportunities available to me here. Let someone else do it. I’d rather just come and sit here, to enjoy the fruits of everyone else’s labors.” You see, everything in our selfish flesh will want to chase after that which only pleases us or does something for us. Our selfish, fleshly hearts think, “I will invest my time in only those things that give me a positive return. Be committed to a small group as a leader, because I have some things they can benefit from? No. That takes too much time. I’d rather do other things. I’ll only go to a small group if I like the people or they can do something for me.”

However, God’s Word teaches us right here in Galatians, if I chose to experience Christ’s freedom and life-changing power in my life, I must first choose to reject my selfish desires and ask Him to live His servant-like life through me, as I choose to function as a member of this church family. I am to make my service to this local church family a priority in my life. I see no biblical excuses not to. Only as I deliberately choose to serve you and you deliberately make a place in your schedule to serve me, will we equip each other to become spiritually healthy as individuals. Furthermore, only then will we become an attractive and functioning church family able to reach out to other hurting Christians and the lost.

Let’s turn back to Ephesians 5 and look at a second one another command that is indicative of one who is living as a healthy member of the local church. In Ephesians 5:21, Paul writes “...and be subject [or be submissive] to one another in the fear of Christ”. This command introduces a section that charges us as believers to be submissive to those in various positions of authority over us.

The words, “be subject” or “be submissive” here, literally come from a Greek word meaning “to rank beneath or under someone.” It is a military term picturing soldiers in a regiment, soldiers in a line under an officer. Hence, the words, “be subject to” have become synonymous with “take orders from” or “obey” someone. The late Martin Lloyd Jones further explains what this entails. He writes, "The characteristic of a man in that position is this, that he is in a sense no longer an individual; he is now a member of a regiment; and all of them together are listening to the commands and the instructions which the officer is issuing to them. When a man joins the army he is, as it were, signing away his right to determine his own life and activity....He cannot go on a holiday when he likes, he cannot get up at the hour in the morning when he likes. He is a man under authority, and the rules are dictated to him; and if he begins to act on his own, and independently of the others, he is guilty of insubordination and will be punished accordingly." 

As used here in Ephesians 5, Paul is saying that if we are living in submission to the Holy Spirit, or what verse 18 describes as being “Spirit-filled,” then we will at times find ourselves called to obey or be submissive to other Christians. Allow me to explain this, because there has been much written on the use of this term “submission,” especially as it concerns this passage concerning the roles of women, much of which has been in error.

First, let’s make it clear what submission does not mean. The Greek word for submission is never used in the Bible or outside of the Bible to refer to what some are calling today, mutual submission.

Some teach that Paul’s command here is telling all Christians at all times to live in submission to one another. In other words, no one is ever anyone else’s authority figure. This can’t be correct for two logical reasons. First, to say that Paul intends this to mean mutual submission would make this word a contradiction of terms.  The very word submission demands that someone is always in charge or in authority over someone else. To say this word means mutual submission would thus make the term submission meaningless. Can you imagine an army or country made up of all chiefs and no Indians? There’s a word to describe that state of chaotic affairs. It’s called anarchy. Our God is a God of order. He would never encourage anarchy or chaos. In fact, if you want to know what God’s perfect form of rule is, it is a monarchy. Jesus is the King over His Kingdom. Everyone is in submission to Him. God would never encourage such nonsense as redefining a term that bred nothing but disorder.

Second, this idea of mutual submission conflicts with the theme of Ephesians 22-6:9. The whole section of Scripture that follows this verse is made up of three specific areas of authority and leadership that demands submission and obedience. The three areas where someone must be in charge are marriage, parenting, and at work. To support that the husband is to be the head of the wife, Paul uses Jesus as the example of the head of the church. Jesus would never make Himself mutually submissive to the church any more than he would expect a husband to be mutually submissive to his wife. That makes absolutely no sense. It would leave no one able or given authority to make a decision when husband and wife disagree.

Furthermore, in Ephesians 6, it would make equal nonsense to think that children were to be considered on equal par of authority with their parents. Paul clearly orders children to obey their parents. Slaves, or in our culture, employees, were to follow the instructions and obey their masters or bosses. The bosses were not to mutually submit on their own job sites to their slaves. Again, that is totally illogical.

That which makes this type of godly submission correct in these circumstances, rather than this foolishness of mutual submission, is that each of those three situations is linked by the inclusion of the same or similar phrase that they are to obey or submit in the fear of Christ. In other words, out of respect for Christ and as though you were directly serving Him, wives are to submit to their husbands, children to their parents and slaves to their masters.

So, the question must be asked and answered. What did Paul mean by “Be submissive to one another?” The answer should be obvious. There are many situations when Christians are called to be submissive to other Christians, just as there are many situations in which certain people hold legitimate authority over others, such as in the relationship between teacher and student, elder and member of the congregation, police officer and citizen. However, there are many times that the situation can be such that the roles of submission will be reversed as one moves from one arena in life to another. For example: Let’s say that you have a Christian policeman who stands out in the street to stop traffic. As he is controlling the traffic, let’s say another citizen, an elder from his church drives up to him. Even though the policeman at church is to submit to the leadership of that elder in the church setting, on the street, the elder is to submit to the policeman.

Here’s another example: The Bible says that a wife is to be submissive to her husband, as it concerns her marriage. But what happens if the wife has her own business and her husband is an employee in her business? The Word of God says that in humility, as unto Jesus, at work, the husband submits to his wife. As it concerns the direction of their home, she, in humility, is to submit to her husband.

Bottom line, we always will live in submission to or answer to someone else. If we are going to bring glory to Jesus Christ and health to the church, then we are to submit to those authorities around us as if we are being mastered by Jesus Christ.

Having said all this about submission to authority and leaders, let me hasten to add that God is not giving those in authority permission to run roughshod over others. In Ephesians 5 and 6, husbands, parents and employers were all charged not to lead in harshness, but in love. Leaders, whether they be husbands, parents, employers or elders are to display humility, respect for others, teachableness and openness as they lead. Philippians 2:3-5 says, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Having this attitude which was also in Christ Jesus.” That means, as a parent, husband and leader, I must listen to my kids, my wife and those under my charge. I am to give credence to and value their ideas. I don’t have to agree with them, but I must demonstrate to them that even if I don’t agree with them on a course of action, at least they know I am good-willed and I value them. 

As it concerns elders, the Apostle Paul has even more specific instructions as to our behavior when we don’t come eye to eye on matters with others, or even if we must correct another. Paul writes to the elders, in 2 Timothy 2:24-26, “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” You see, a leader must honor, respect and show those he is responsible for that they have dignity, even though they may not agree with his decisions. 

The last one another concept that we want to cover this morning, which is essential to the building up the body of Christ in love, is found in Romans 15:5-6. There Paul states, “Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus; that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

If we are ever going to be unified and build each other up so as together reach this community for Christ, we must be of the same mind with one another. But note will you, that the power to do so does not come from us, but from God. It's only as we seek His purposes as clearly defined in His Word that He will enable us to build up the body.

What does this mean, “to be of the same mind with one another?” It doesn't mean that we must agree on everything we do, but rather, we must agree on what the basics are as to what our goal is as a church, according to the Scriptures. But how we get there really doesn’t matter as long as we are not violating Scripture. So, if there is a gray area as to how we should move forward, we don’t push our personal preference in that area. Instead, we remain focused on what the overall biblical goal is. In other words, in the non-essentials, we agree to disagree. 

What’s really interesting about this expression of “being of the same mind” is the immediate context that precedes it. The entire fourteenth chapter of Romans concerns the discussion of what we are to do when we don’t agree on the gray areas, those not-so-clear areas of the Christian life. There are many important principles necessary for us to apply from chapter 14, if we are truly going to be of the same mind rather than disruptive or divisive. For example: in 14:19, Paul states, “So then, let us pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.” In other words, that which is most important is the building up of a healthy local church family. We don't all have to agree on convictions about how we are to proceed. But we must make sure that we pursue peaceful means for the building up of the body. Keep in mind Ephesians 4:3, where Paul instructs us to be “diligent to preserve the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace”. Why? Because disruption, demanding one’s personal ideas be followed isn’t peaceful and doesn’t result in bringing health to the local church family or provide the environment necessary to build up those in the church family.

Years ago, I read a piece written by Gordon MacDonald about a situation in which he was invited to preach and encourage some missionaries in a foreign country. He writes: I have a vivid memory of visiting a major city in another country where I was the guest of missionaries. During the days I was there, I was impressed with two things: first, the relative ineffectiveness of their common work, and second, the critical appraisal fellow missionaries had for one another. It seemed as if every conversation I had with anyone was marked with criticism of another's philosophy or strategy. So poisoned did the atmosphere seem that I found myself counting the hours until the wheels of my plane would lift off the ground to take me away.

Perhaps it was my problem, but in attempting to minister to them from the Scriptures, as I had come to do, I felt stifled and impotent to offer them anything helpful. It was as if each was separated from the others by invisible walls. Together they sang and prayed; apart they criticized and diminished one another. 

If we are going to love one another and build up the body of Christ, we cannot lose sight of our overall purpose. We cannot get hung up on our own pet ministries, programs, convictions or strategies. That is not to say that those programs, convictions etc. are not important. But we can't afford to put individual interests before what God has called those in authority over us to do. When differences as to strategies, preferences or convictions come, we are to “be of the same mind with one another” putting our faith in our sovereign God who is in control, and allow Him to direct the leadership in the details as to how the job gets done. 

So, here are some questions for you to consider about how these three one another concepts apply to your life as it concerns your local church family:

1. When a decision is made or a direction is taken by the leadership of the church, one that is not in violation of Scripture, but contrary to what you think is best, what are you to do? Bad mouth the leadership to others, telling them you think they are dumber than a box of rocks because they would not follow your suggestions? Do you stomp away and leave the church? Do you sit back and wait for the situation to fail, and when it does you tell them, “I told you so!” Or, do you “be of the same mind,” pray for God to bring success to the leadership’s course of action, in spite of your different views?

2. If someone were to evaluate your practical service to others in this church family, how would they describe it? Non-existent? Weekly? Periodic? Sporadic? Diligent?

3. Are you maintaining unity in the church family by respectfully submitting to those in authority over you, whether they be employers, governmental officials, parents, elders, teachers or husbands? Are you dishonoring those in authority over you by your attitudes and actions? Are you causing leaders to lose face in the eyes of others by what you are saying?

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