A GOOD WIFE, THE GIFT OF GOD

Genesis 23:1-20
Bob Bonner
July 10, 2005

On the very last evening of the very last day of this year, my very last child will be married! The preparations for this day that have been done so far have been such a blessing and a joy to us already! If you know my son, Nick, you would guess that his proposal to his bride-to-be would be anything but normal or average. True to his nature, he was creative and fun loving as he planned and prepared for this special event. Rather than butcher all that took place on that day, because it was much more than just a “Will you marry me?” event, I would direct you to their very own wedding website to read the full story. If you are interested, here it is:

www.theknot.com/ourwedding/autumneliseduckworth&nicholasrobertbonner

But I would like to point to one of the gifts that Nick gave Autumn that day. After surprising her with the ring, Nick gave Autumn a Bible with her new name-to-be, Autumn Elise Bonner, engraved on the cover. Inside, he had marked the following passage and placed the date beside it. It reads: Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” How exciting and filled with hope are those words for any young man looking forward to the years of married life with the girl of his prayers and dreams. Furthermore, how incredibly true are those words for one who seeks the Lord’s guidance before marriage as to the “if,” the “who” and the “when” of marriage.

But just as those words are filled with truth, hope and excitement, there is another side to that blissful marriage coin. There is a very real downside to having found and to having been part of a wonderful and meaningful long-term relationship with someone who knows the Lord. That downside is what we will be witnessing this morning as we come to what must have been one of the most heartrending days in the life of Abraham. I am referring to those days just following the death of the beloved wife of his youth, Sarah.

When a man or woman buries their spouse of many years of marriage, it is perhaps the lowest point ever reached by the human spirit. It is the sunset for the surviving spouse of all earth’s hopes and expectations.

This morning, as we look once more at Genesis 23, we stand beside Abraham as he weeps at the grave site of Sarah. He is walking through the deep, dark valley of the shadow of death. Yet, as this chapter and as others tell us from their same experiences, during such a dark hour as this, there is a light which always shines through the shadows of death. As we walk with Abraham through this valley of the shadow this morning, the Lord has lighted our path with some hopeful truth from His Word. On this wake walk, we will underscore four truths. Look with me at Genesis 23:1 in which we will see illustrated the first ray of truth. We read, “Now Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah. Sarah died in Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan; and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.”

According to these first two verses, Abraham’s family had moved north from Beer-sheba to return to their former homestead in Hebron. It was in Hebron that Sarah died. In one respect, Hebron was a wonderful place to die. As the name Hebron means fatness, this had become the place where both Sarah and Abraham had experienced the “fatness of their souls and the richness of their fellowship” with the Lord.

As was customary in those days, the body of Sarah was placed in a special tent all by itself. Presumably, this is the same tent that later in 24:67 is called “Sarah’s tent” which her son Isaac took as his own, and, for a period of time, lived in as he mourned his mama’s death. His possession of and living in this tent speaks volumes as to his love for his mother and their closeness.

It is into this tent that Abraham goes alone to weep and mourn the passing of his beloved. This is the only time that the Bible records Abraham weeping. Think about that for a moment. This old man has gone through many, many bitter disappointments and times of heartbreak: the break-up with his beloved nephew Lot, and then the watching of Lot’s spiritual failure; Hagar’s and Ishmael’s rejection and eventually being sent away; and most recently, his heart had been torn with anguish as he was commanded to sacrifice his son Isaac.

But now, and only here, with Sarah’s death, we read that Abraham “mourns” and “weeps.” In Hebrew, those two verbs, respectively, describe “the beating of the breast” and “lamenting with grievous sorrow.” In Hebrew, I know of no better way to describe the deep anguish of soul that he felt at this time. One must lose a spouse to truly know the depths of his sorrow at this time. This indeed was probably one of the darkest hours of life for Abraham. Furthermore, for Abraham, this well of grief was continually being fed by the springs of wonderful memories of their lives together. (Ray C. Stedman, Man of Faith, p. 215)

There are a lot of thoughts written about how Christians are supposed to face heart-wrenching times such as these. Many of those thoughts aren’t worth the paper they are written on. However, Chuck Swindoll correctly writes about the proper role of grieving at times like this in our lives. He states, “Abraham’s expression of grief was unrestrained and unapologetic. Some of us today, however, feel guilt over our grief. We want to rush past the deaths of our loved ones, to recover quickly and go on with life. We feel that it is somehow unspiritual to mourn. But Scripture never condemns grief. Tears are valuable. They are God-given relief mechanisms....Leave room for weeping, not only in your life, but also in the lives of others.” (Abraham the Friend of God, A Bible Study Guide, p. 138)

Sarah was grievously lamented by Abraham and not without cause, for this was the loss of the companion of an exceptionally long lifetime. She was not only his life partner for 80 years or so, but she was also the only link to the home of his childhood. She alone could sympathize with him when he talked to his father, Terah and his brother, Nahor, about his choice to follow God’s calling, which would take him far away from his homeland, family and all that had been familiar.

From the beginning, his bright, young and beautiful bride willingly entered into Abraham’s calling by God. She did not just go because she had to. Dangerous were the wastelands and towns through which they traveled, but Sarah never looked back as Lot’s wife did when she left Sodom. Tenaciously, along side her husband, she endured the dangers of war and the possible loss of her husband. She endured famines and imprisonments by Pharaoh and King Abimelech. She had experienced these heartaches as well as she enjoyed sharing in Abraham’s great purposes and dreams. She had been one with him in accepting and cherishing God’s promises of having a son who would bring forth a nation of peoples. She had grown side by side in faith and the understanding of God’s will for their lives. She had been there to comfort and strengthen him in his many trials. The Scriptures talk about a husband and wife becoming one flesh. Abraham and Sarah had truly become one in hardship, hazard, hope, faith and in the eternal love of God.

What an incredible reminder this is to us all. Abraham and Sarah stand before us as an illustration of the truth that the truly happy home, the home in which peace and joy and love have their abode, is the home that is indwelt by the Spirit of God. As Abraham and Sarah sought to follow after and to obey the Lord, to make His priorities their priorities, their lives were deeply enriched. The challenge before us, whether married or single, is to make sure that God has His rightful place in our homes, for only through Him can we experience a little bit of heaven here on earth.

Yet, it was only when this break in their relationship occurred, only as the reality of Sarah’s death set in did Abraham feel the loss of their perfect love that had bound them together all these many years. For as every loving couple knows, that one day of separation will come...but you are never ready for it when it does. So, how do you get through the anguish of that time when it does come? We see a hint to the answer of that question in these next verses.

“Then Abraham rose from before his dead,...” This rising up signifies Abraham’s squaring of his shoulders as a man often must do in times of heartache. By faith in the promises of God, he takes the necessary steps to get on with life. Faith in what promises? We will see that in a moment. But first, look at what his faith enabled him to courageously do. He took those painful steps to dispose of his wife’s body properly and then to move on with his life.

As many of you know, we recently got word that one of our missionaries and a relative of ours, Doug and Nicole McClure are living through the wake of the loss of their premature 6-month-old twins. In speaking with Doug, I sympathized as he described the anguish that he had to go through in India, away from close family members and friends to aid him in providing for the burial of his “perfectly formed six-month-old baby girls.” As in Abraham’s day, Doug did not have the luxury of having a funeral home assist him in this process. He had to have the caskets made. He had to shop for baby clothes in which to bury the girls. He had to hire someone to dig the hole, and so forth. And all without Nicole’s help, because she was in the hospital fighting for her life. How did he make it through this time, alone? The same way Abraham did. Let’s keep reading, for the clue is in verse 4.

Abraham went to the sons of Heth, or to those powerful land-owners among the Hittites to purchase a burial plot. He said to them, “I am a stranger and a sojourner among you; (note those words) give me a burial site among you that I may bury my dead out of my sight.”

Those words, “I am a stranger and sojourner among you...” meant much more to Abraham than they appear to us at face value. This is an expression that refers to all believers who recognize that their very existence depends upon God and His provision for their lives. Furthermore, this phrase explains the Christian’s perspective of life on earth. This is not our permanent home. Like Abraham who lived a nomadic life in tents on earth, our homes here on earth are temporary. Ultimately, we are aliens or strangers here. Our real home is eternal and in the heavens and one day, we will all go there. We know this to be true because of what the New Testament writer of Hebrews tells us.

Look with me at Hebrews 11:9. The context of these verses is the faith walk of Abraham and Sarah. Beginning with v. 9, we read these words: “By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God.” Now, which city would that be? It is a reference to the heavenly and eternal city of Jerusalem, also written about by the Apostle John in Revelation 21:2, 9-27. This eternal city in heaven will be the final destination and home for all believers down through history. It is the place where both Abraham and Sarah will serve Jesus forever.

Let’s keep reading, verses 11 - 16, “By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised. Therefore there was born even of one man, and him as good as dead at that, as many descendants as the stars of heaven in number, and innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore. All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.”

Here’s the point: That which carried Abraham and Sarah along through their challenges of life together; that which carried Abraham along in his final years without Sarah was his knowledge by faith, that one day, he would be in heaven, living in that heavenly city...with the Lord, and also reunited with his beloved Sarah. Abraham knew that Sarah had not been permanently taken away from him, but rather, she had merely changed addresses. She had left her temporal address for her new eternal address.

Abraham knew and lived every day of his life here on earth, viewing it through the eternal lens of that permanent home, that eternal city in heaven. With that perspective, with that assurance, Abraham was empowered by the Spirit of God to move forward with his life. Abraham knew that there were better times coming.

The same is true for us today. We know we have a new life ahead of us with the Lord. We have a life free of sin, free of physical maladies, free of taxes, free of sorrow. We have a new home coming. Hence, survival during the heartbreaks in this life is only made possible through maintaining the eternal perspective: There is a better and eternal home coming.

In the rest of our passage, we find two more truths. Let’s continue reading, verse 5; “The sons of Heth answered Abraham, saying to him, “Hear us, my lord, you are a mighty prince among us;” (more literally in Hebrew, “you are the prince of God among us.”) These Canaanites had recognized that God had His hand on Abraham. Indeed, there had been no one who had ever lived among them like Abraham. They witnessed the blessing and protection of God on Abraham’s life. Therefore they more than willingly said to him, “...bury your dead in the choicest of our graves; none of us will refuse you his grave for burying your dead.” So Abraham rose and bowed to the people of the land, (“to the members of the council of land-owners”) the sons of Heth. And he spoke with them, saying, “If it is your wish for me to bury my dead out of my sight, hear me, and approach Ephron the son of Zohar for me, that he may give me the cave of Machpelah which he owns, which is at the end of his field; for the full price let him give it to me in your presence for a burial site.” Literally, the Hebrew words for “approach Ephron” are “go and plead my case to Ephron.” But notice what happens next. Ephron is sitting right there at this council meeting of land- owners. And before anyone can say one word to him, we read in verse 10, “Now Ephron was sitting among the sons of Heth; and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the hearing of the sons of Heth; even of all who went in at the gate of his city, saying, “No, my lord, hear me; I give you the field, and I give you the cave that is in it. In the presence of the sons of my people I give it to you; bury your dead.” In other words, Ephron didn’t wait for the sons of Heth to pressure him. Rather, he willingly, without social pressure, sold Abraham this plot of ground.

Recognizing what a generous gesture this was on the part of Ephron, Abraham responded. “And Abraham bowed before the people of the land. He spoke to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, saying, “If you will only please listen to me; I will give the price of the field, accept it from me that I may bury my dead there.” Then Ephron answered Abraham, saying to him, “My lord, listen to me; a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that between me and you? So bury your dead.” Abraham listened to Ephron; and Abraham weighed out for Ephron the silver which he had named in the hearing of the sons of Heth, four hundred shekels of silver, commercial standard (meaning of a negotiable type currency of the day). So Ephron’s field, which was in Machpelah, which faced Mamre, the field and cave which was in it, and all the trees which were in the field, that were within all the confines of its border, were deeded over to Abraham for a possession in the presence of the sons of Heth, before all who went in at the gate of his city.”

Burials usually took place in one’s native land. But up to this point, Abraham had not owned one piece of land in all of Canaan. By purchasing this field as a family grave site, Abraham was declaring that this land of promise was his and his future family’s home. There would be no returning to Haran or Ur.

Today, one can still visit this cave of Machpelah in Israel, where both Sarah and Abraham are buried, along with their son and his wife, Isaac and Rebekah, and their grandson and his wife, Jacob and Leah. Today, there is a Muslim mosque erected above the sight. Even though Abraham purchased this land, today it does not, in the eyes of the rest of the world create a legal title to the land; but it bound the hearts of Abraham’s future generations to this land. There is much tension felt if you go there and try to visit this site today. The Arabs, who control the land around Hebron would just as soon not allow non-Muslims at this site. It’s the second most holy site to Muslims, in Palestine. It is second in importance only to the Dome of the Rock, in Jerusalem. If it were not for the tourist dollars, you can be assured they would never allow any but Muslims in to see this cave.

“After this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field at Machpelah facing Mamre (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. So the field and the cave that is in it, were deeded over to Abraham for a burial site by the sons of Heth.”

As I have pondered the location of this burial site, I believe it is significant for another reason. When Abraham bought the burial ground for Sarah’s body, it was probably within eye sight of his tent in Hebron (Mamre). Hence, every morning when he awoke, he could get up, step outside the front flap of his tent and see where his beloved slept. That is really touching...it almost makes me cry.

I’m reminded of a dear sweet saint in this church, who, before it was considered illegal, had her husband buried in her backyard. They both used to love working in the garden together. Hence, there is not a day she works in her garden when she doesn’t visit her husband’s remains. It brings her comfort that every time she looks out her back door, she can see where he is buried.

Likewise, even though Abraham would marry again, no one would ever replace the beloved wife of his youth, Sarah.

It interests me that this is the first grave ever mentioned in the Bible. Hence, it points to the significance of the godly life of Sarah.

As we read earlier in Hebews 11:13, Sarah was the first in a number of deaths that did not see the fulfillment of God’s promises here on earth concerning her children taking over the inheritance of their land. Before her death, she never met her daughter-in-law, and she never saw her first grandchild of promise. Yet, she did not die without hope. She believed and knew the land would be theirs and she knew that she would see her loved ones again. From heaven she has seen and welcomed the fulfillment of God’s promises from a distance.

This brings up another major point for us to consider. Just as Abraham bought this cave in hope that this would not be the last time he would ever see Sarah, we too have a hope for the full benefits of the promises of God that will accompany our salvation beyond this life. It was okay for Abraham to grieve, but like Abraham, when we grieve, we do not grieve as those without hope. We have an eternal hope that enables us to endure the hardships of this life. Whether that hope be to see our fellow believers beyond the grave, or whether it be to see the fulfillment of all of God’s promises as to the new kingdom and new earth, even though we may presently be living in a world that is filled with evil, confusion and heartache.

Closely linked to that third truth is this last one: What God has in store for us is far greater than what we now experience on earth.

In the Apostle Paul’s lifetime, he experienced everything we do, from the typical minor afflictions of everyday life, such as inopportune flat tires or spilled coffee on a fresh new outfit, to beatings, torture and eventually martyrdom. Yet, that which got him through it all, was his focus on God’s promises and the hope that they bear. He wrote these words of encouragement to all who would come after him, as it concerns the travails of this life. We read in 2 Cor. 4:16-18, “Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

When we focus on the things of this life too much, whether it be our possessions, dreams, or special people we love, like our grandchildren, children or significant others, and hardships come and we lose that which we have come to love here on earth, then deep despair like a tsunami, floods our souls. That’s why in times of grief, only a living faith in the eternal God will keep our joy and hope alive, and us free from despair. Our faith in God is a faith founded upon the reality that our God is the God of the living, not the of the dead

Allow me to close with these words of Ray Stedman: “As we have looked at this scene of Abraham, bowed in grief for the moment over the dead and lifeless body of his dear life companion, our own hearts enter with sympathy into that scene. We know life can often strike with terrible blows; we feel the thrust of it, the hurt of it, the loneliness of it. We know that we can be shaken sometimes by the things which take place. But, thank God, although there are things about us that can be shaken, there are other things that cannot be. When our faith rests upon the finished work of our Lord Jesus, and our hearts have been captured by the one who has said that we can never be fully satisfied with what is here below—but our eyes are caught by the sight that streams from the city beyond and we press on toward that —then we may be fitted and made ready for that place, mastering lessons (we have learned here) for use over there.”

(Stedman, Man of Faith, p. 224)

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