THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE

Genesis 29:31-30:24
Bob Bonner
January 7, 2007

F. B. Meyer was a wonderful old believer who died at the age of 83, in 1929. He will be forever known for his famous character sketches of biblical personalities and his other writings that have brought great comfort and encouragement to people who wrestle with the normal struggles of everyday life. F. B. Meyer was a man who deeply loved Jesus Christ and found Jesus to be all that he ever needed.

Recently, I was made aware of a side of his life that I never knew before. But upon discovering, I have become even more impressed with him and the power of our Savior’s love upon those who put their confidence in him. Meyer once confided in a friend the truth about his unhappy home life. He told his friend that he “felt welcome in any home in England but his own. His loveless marriage was a source of deep heartache for him.”

Dave Roper, in his book on Jacob and Jacob’s relationship with his two wives wrote these words that need to be shared with every family member who finds himself or herself in a relationship that is taxing and filled with heartache and broken dreams or expectations. I warn you that this reading is longer than I would normally quote in a situation like this, but it is too good not to read. Dave writes: “Some find family life to be their source of greatest satisfaction. Others find that its reversals, torments, and puzzles lead them to contemplate the meaning of life for the first time. A challenging marital relationship can be our schoolhouse, the means by which we become conformed to His will, until we are finally living in, by, and for Him alone....

“God often puts us into situations that seem to frustrate every hope of life, progress, and growth. Someone with much love to give finds herself in a marriage in which that love is unrequited. Another longs to bring peace to his home, yet lives in an atmosphere of unrelenting unrest, clamor, and confusion. The circumstances seem so meaningless and the efforts so futile and impossibly difficult. Yet God knows exactly what He’s doing. We must trust Him and submit to His will without struggling to escape. We only make life more painful for others and ourselves when we resist His hand....

“This is not to say that we must accept physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, or situations that endanger our children or ourselves. There are legitimate biblical bases for separation and divorce, although it’s not my purpose to discuss them here. Suffice it to say that adversity does not in and of itself constitute a reason to break free. We must remain yielded, waiting for God’s shaping and knowing all the while that He loves us deeply. God’s “unfailing love surrounds the [one] who trusts in Him” (Psalm 32:10)....

“A difficult marriage provides a setting in which God can confront us with our skewed sense of self-importance. We begin to see ourselves for who we really are—not nearly as thoughtful, patient, polite, gracious, giving, and self-controlled as we have imagined ourselves to be. At best, marriage challenges these flattering illusions; at worst, it shatters them. We come to see how incurably ruined we are. Indifference, harshness and coldness are the crosses on which our self-love begins to die.” (JACOB, David Roper, pp. 51-53)

The truth of David’s words can be seen all over our passage of study for this morning, beginning with Genesis 29:31. This morning we will get an overview of the first seven years of Jacob’s household, following his almost simultaneous marriage to two wives, Leah and Rachel. In this passage, we will not only see these two women’s heartaches and struggles, but we will also witness their spiritual growth, their baby steps of faith and looking to God.

In Leah, we see an older, unattractive sister who was foisted upon her husband, Jacob, by her father, Laban, who wanted to get rid of her. In turn, no matter how hard she tried to please and seek her husband’s love, it never came. Unrequited love, lack of recognition, or complete disregard is difficult to endure. One recourse is to pursue love and recognition by any means, without regard to the cost in terms of the long-range effects. That is the course Leah first chose, mixed with her steps of growing faith. But in the end, we will see Leah, in the midst of her suffering, find herself wrapped up in a love relationship with the living God. She discovers, that God’s love is sufficient to bring meaning to her life.

In Rachel, we will see a deep jealousy for Jacob. She wanted him to be hers and hers alone. She didn’t want to share him with her sister. She wanted to be the only honored one who would bear all of his children. Like Leah, she would pursue recognition and self-esteem by any means she could, leaving a household divided. Ironically, in the end, with all her machinations, she bears only two children, and dies giving birth to her second child. As with Leah, we will see that Rachel’s missteps of pursuing her goals at all costs were mixed with small steps of faith. 

Few stories are more moving than these two women’s stories. We will witness each beat of their profound heartache as they give birth to and name each of their children.

 By way of review, Jacob suddenly finds himself married to two women when he only had bargained for one. For the next seven years, between his two wives and their two handmaids he builds a family. The birth of eleven sons and one daughter over these seven years entails that the births are not successive and that two or more of the four mothers were pregnant at the same time. 

By way of preview, you will notice two things taking place as these women proceed to name their children. First, through the naming of their children, each woman will reveal her own spiritual state, reflecting her struggle to trust in the Lord. Second, you will also witness in these names, each woman’s arrogance and self-exaltation. Each will use these names as darts which they will hurl maliciously at the other. Because of this, one commentator, Armstrong says, “The atmosphere in the household was electric with tension and jealousy.”

It will also be observed that out of desperation, these wives cry out to God for help. In contrast to them, their husband, Jacob remains prayerless through these next seven years. His spiritually impoverished state and poor leadership in the home is represented by the minimal dialogue assigned to him in these verses. 

Our passage falls into four parts or “acts.” Act I is found in verses 31-35, we have Leah’s first four births. In these verses we see a just God blessing this oppressed and despised woman, using her from the get go, to build the foundation of Jacob’s family. We read, “Now the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, and He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah conceived and bore a son and named him Reuben, for she said, “Because the Lord has seen my affliction; [“my humiliation” or “my misery] surely now my husband will love me.” Then she conceived again and bore a son and said, “Because the Lord has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.” So she named him Simeon. She conceived again and bore a son and said, “Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore he was named Levi. And she conceived again and bore a son and said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” Therefore she named him Judah. Then she stopped bearing.

Note that Leah has deliberately named her children with reference to “the Lord”. By doing so, she is confessing her faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and not the gods of Laban, her father. This clearly points to Leah being a believer, a godly woman growing in her faith. She must have been one who spent much time in prayer concerning her marriage and her children. Yet, her love is focused upon Jacob and his desire for her. 

Because Leah had been party to deceiving Jacob into marrying her, the text says that Leah was “unloved by Jacob.” Literally, the Hebrew says Jacob “hated” her. Jacob had emotionally rejected her, which socially placed her in an inferior position within the household. Jacob could not divorce her, but he sure didn’t do anything to honor her. All he wanted was to be with Rachel. 

So, how does a woman (or anyone) live with someone who doesn’t love her? God answers that question by moving upon Leah, showing her His ultimate love and compassion, through granting her four sons in rapid succession. These rapid births stand in stark contrast to Rachel’s coming struggle to get pregnant. But through it all, God is showing Leah that she is loved by Him and in that alone, she has value. She will find even her deepest hunger for human love met by Him. In spite of God’s moving upon her, Leah still had eyes for Jacob alone. As a result, she almost missed God’s loving courtship of her.

In these verses, God wants to show Leah that it is okay to desire or want her husband’s love, but she will not need it to survive or feel like her life has meaning and fulfillment. In other words, there is much more to life than having a fairytale marriage. There is nothing more significant and life-sustaining than knowing God loves you and He wants to work His purposes through your life.

God’s first love gift to Leah comes in the first of her several sons. Cradling her firstborn son, she names him Reuben which literally translated means “See, a son!” However, Leah deliberately and creatively interprets his name to mean, “the Lord has seen my humiliation, misery, affliction.”  Right up front, she recognizes God’s gift to her.

Then, quicker than you can turn the lights out, she gets pregnant again and gives birth to a second son. Leah realizes that God has heard the prayers of a wife still hated and rejected by her husband, and thus God gives her a second child. This time, she names him Simeon, which means, “the Lord hears.”  Please note the two verbs involved in both of these names: one is the Lord sees and the other is the Lord hears. These two verbs, the Lord sees and hears, is a clear indication of God’s providential concern for those unfortunate ones, like Leah. Growing is her realization that God loves her.

Yet, she still pines away for this worthless husband’s love. Leah is noticing God, but at the same time, she is also snubbing Him. But God is the patient lover. He continues to court an ungrateful Leah and brings her roses in the form of another son. She calls this one “Levi” which means “hope for attachment.” In other words, she thanks God for the “flowers,” the next son, but she still is hoping that her earthly husband would now be drawn to her with the birth of their third child. But, Jacob will have nothing to do with her.

However, sometime between her third and fourth son, her focus begins to shift from looking for approval and love from her husband to finding her value and worth in God. And true to His character, God’s love never ceases. He brings her another love gift, a fourth child. With this gift, the light finally goes on for Leah. She recognizes that although she would still like Jacob to love her, she doesn’t need Jacob’s love or approval to be a fulfilled person. She now recognizes God’s love, acceptance, approval and provision for her. Hence, she names this fourth child, Judah, which means, “praise the Lord!”

This child, Judah, by the end of Genesis, turns out to be the son who brings healing to the family relationships at great risk to himself. Through this unloved mother and this son, Judah, will come blessing and reconciliation to the whole world, via our Savior Jesus Christ. 

In these next verses, we see how God chooses to bless His people even through their fleshly human efforts to have children. In vv. 1-13, we see Rachel’s and Leah’s handmaids give birth to sons of Jacob. After seeing Leah birth four sons so quickly for Jacob, Rachel feels terribly insecure of holding on to her husband’s love. Desperate to be honored as a woman who can provide children for her husband, she is the first to yield her handmaid, Bilhah to Jacob for the purpose of bearing children for her. We read of Bilhah’s births in verses 1-8, “Now when Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she became jealous of her sister; and she said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or else I die.’”

Although the text does not tell us so, I think it is quite possible that Jacob is beginning to see that Leah has proven to be very valuable to him by producing sons for him. Although his love has not shifted toward her, he does recognize her success in bearing children. Equally possible is Rachel’s sensing Jacob’s pleasure with Leah’s production, and she jealously fears losing her husband’s affections. Frustrated with her situation, she makes this demand of Jacob to give her children that I am sure he has already tried very hard to fulfill to no avail. Possibly, she felt that Jacob wasn’t spending enough time in her bed, in comparison to Leah’s. 

Her outburst angered Jacob. Jacob strikes back, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?” Jacob strongly suggests he is not the problem, but she is, since God had not judged her worthy of being blessed with children. 

Realizing the foolishness of her accusation against Jacob, Rachel turns to him and says, “Here is my maid Bilhah, go in to her that she may bear on my knees, that through her I too may have children.” This expression “that she may bear on my knees” refers to an ancient Near East ritual that legitimizes and welcomes the newborn child of a maid into the family as an adopted child.

“So she gave him her maid Bilhah as a wife, and Jacob went in to her. Bilhah conceived and bore Jacob a son. Then Rachel said, ‘God has vindicated me, and has indeed heard my voice and has given me a son.’ Therefore she named him Dan. Rachel’s maid Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. So Rachel said, ‘With mighty wrestlings I have wrestled with my sister, and I have indeed prevailed.’” And she named him Naphtali.

Note right off the bat that Rachel’s naming of her two sons does not reflect a strong faith like Leah’s. Rather, they reflect Rachel’s bitter struggle with her sister for vindication.

This first pair of names for these two boys tells the whole story. “Dan” means “justice.” In other words, Rachel believes that she has been vindicated or won a victory. In Dan, she has found success. God has begun to set things right for her. Note also that Rachel has been praying to God. Her words testify that God had heard her prayer and justified her and made her successful in her husband’s sight.

By naming her second child Naphtali, which literally means “my wrestling,” Rachel may have thought that divine justice was rewarding her for her tenacity in the midst of strife. 

In the end, when we put these two names together, we get a picture of Rachel’s heartfelt thoughts. “Through my wrestling, I have found success! I have won.” But how could she really believe that? How can any gamer consider that the one who bears her own four children loses to the one who bears only two children, neither of which have really come from her? How does a two beat a four in anybody’s game where the greater number is supposed to win?

Leah, not to be outdone by her rival sister, responds by giving her maid, Zilpah to Jacob. She reasoned that what had worked for Rachel could also work for her. We read, “When Leah saw that she had stopped bearing, she took her maid Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. Leah’s maid Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, ‘How fortunate!’ So she named him Gad. Leah’s maid Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, ‘Happy am I! For women will call me happy.’ So she named him Asher.”

Gad means “fortune”. God had shown Leah prosperity, by giving her another son.

Asher is from “women will call me happy.” Essentially, Leah is saying “I am to be envied.” Notice that the source of Leah’s happiness has changed. She is not happy because she has gained Jacob’s love. She is happy because she has provided the family with more sons, and that will raise her stature in the community.  

In the third act, in verses 14-18, Rachel tries another avenue to produce children that backfires. She tries a superstitious love potion. We read, “Now in the days of wheat harvest Reuben went and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them to his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, ‘Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.’ But she said to her, ‘Is it a small matter for you to take my husband? And would you take my son’s mandrakes also?’ So Rachel said, ‘Therefore he may lie with you tonight in return for your son’s mandrakes.’”

What’s the big deal with these “mandrakes?” A mandrake is a yellow fruit about the size of a large plum and full of soft pulp. Among other things, it was considered an aphrodisiac, which comes from the name for the Greek goddess of love, beauty and sex, Aphrodite. It was also called “the love fruit.” Later, even Aphrodite was called “lady of the mandrake.” Apparently, Rachel was so desperate to get pregnant she would follow a superstitious route and eat this “love fruit.” 

As Jacob’s favorite wife, Rachel had the privilege of deciding which of Jacob’s wives or concubines would sleep with him on any given night. Hence, she cut a deal with Leah, doing to Leah and her relationship what Laban had turned his and Jacob’s relationship into-- from a family relationship into an economic relationship.  We read, “When Jacob came in from the field in the evening, then Leah went out to meet him and said, ‘You must come in to me, for I have surely hired you with my son’s mandrakes.’ So he lay with her that night. God gave heed to [rewarded] Leah, and she conceived and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah said, ‘God has given me my wages because I gave my maid to my husband.’ So she named him Issachar. Leah conceived again and bore a sixth son to Jacob. Then Leah said, ‘God has endowed me with a good gift; now my husband will dwell with me, because I have borne him six sons.’ So she named him Zebulun.”

In essence, Leah has traded her mandrakes for her husband’s services. Dr. Waltke emphasizes the sorrowful nature of this agreement by highlighting the use of the expression, “he lay with her.”  Waltke explains that this expression is never used of a loving physical relationship between a man and his wife. Rather, it is used solely in describing an illicit or forced sexual relationship. Jacob, in other words, fulfilled his obligation, but there was no love between these two.

Once again, Leah immediately bears two more sons. As we can tell from the text, the next son’s name, Issachar means “God has rewarded.” Because Leah has focused on God and His ability to bring about children rather than her putting trust in mandrakes, God rewards her.

Still, Jacob never loves Leah as she wishes to be loved. But with this next son, and specifically with the name she gives him, we notice another big step in spiritual growth for her. Now, her longing for love is as satisfied as it can be in this life. For Zebulun means, “God has endowed me with a good dowry”. Finally, she is declaring her realization that she has been chosen by God to be endowed with His perfect love. She was declaring that her life was fulfilled. Oh, I’m certain she had times of great loneliness and days when her heart yearned for human love. Yet, she found that God was always there to comfort her, just as Psalm 107:9 teaches, that God in time “satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things”.

Isn’t it ironic, that Rachel, who trusts in mandrakes to increase her ability to bear children, still doesn’t find success in childbearing, while Leah, who ignores the mandrakes and focuses upon God’s love for her, realizes His ability to open her womb and she bears children!!

The last of Leah’s named children is mentioned in verse 21. “Afterward, [meaning some time after the seven-year contract with Laban was over] she bore a daughter and named her Dinah.”

We learn later in Genesis that Jacob does have other children, even daughters, after this seven-year period (37:35; 46:7,15), but their names and their mother’s names are not mentioned.

This short verse, without explaining what Dinah’s name means, makes a statement. This is Moses’ way of stressing the insignificance of the individual who is unimportant to the formation of the nation. But the name Dinah, which means “judgement” may also infer that God’s judgment or decision to allow Leah to be predominant in her birthing has finally ceased. This daughter signals the end of the seven-year contract with Laban has passed.

As time passed, Rachel probably took her husband’s rebuke to heart and began to seriously seek God about her barrenness. In turn, God blesses Rachel with her first son. We read in verse 22, “Then God remembered Rachel, and God gave heed to her and opened her womb. So she conceived and bore a son and said, ‘God has taken away my reproach.’ She named him Joseph, saying, ‘May the Lord give me another son.’”

Finally, Rachel has a son, naming him Joseph. This name literally means, “may the Lord add to me another son”.  After all, if a birth had broken the barrenness, more could follow, right? Right. This son is her hope for the future and more children to come.

There are several points to be made from this passage. One of the obvious truths we are reminded of here is that God is the creator of life and He sovereignly chooses whose womb to open, when it shall open and how often.

But the major theme of this passage is the question of how can we live without our need for human love to be returned. We were made for love—to love and be loved. But what of those whose love never feels like it is being returned? Must they wither away in loneliness and despair? No. The text leaves us with two principles as to how to handle living with someone when there is no sense of mutual or committed love:

First, we need to rearrange the priority of our focus on the objects we love. Leah first felt like most of us, that in order to be happy, she needed to be loved by Jacob. Her first priority in enjoying love, was making sure that it was the love of a man. But as she sought God in prayer, she soon learned that was not true. Instead, what she really needed to know first was that God loved and approved of her. That made all the difference in the world. She may always want to know her husband’s love, but she did not need it to find contentment, fulfillment or purpose in life. What enabled her to continue to live life amidst being spurned by human love, was to be embraced by God’s love, that comes with a purpose. Her purpose was to raise all these kids. So, if you feel like your romantic dreams or need for love and acceptance have been a disappointment, then: Focus first on your love for God, then on others’ love for you.

Second, note the irony of these two women. Rachel has her husband’s love but not his children. Leah has her husband’s children but not his love. Both women want what the other has. Neither is content or treasures what they do have for its value. So goes coveting. So how do you find contentment in a less than idyllic home or marriage? Focus on what you have, not on what you don’t have. Only as Leah began to focus on what she had, seven children, did she begin to praise God. Only then did she find contentment. She didn’t find what she wanted from a man, but that was okay. In its place, she found what she needed, a mission in life. To bear and raise children, that would make a difference in the world.

Listen to these words of F. B. Meyer. He writes: “Are you unmarried? Do not bewail yourself as if your life must be incomplete....Cease to measure yourself by human standards. Find rest in being just what your heavenly Father wills you to be. It may be that you have been kept free from the limited circle of a home, in order to pour your love on those who have no one else to love them.” Though his soul ached as he was tied to a less-than-perfect marriage, F. B. Meyer believed he was being prepared by God to give love and strength to others. And, by God’s grace, he did and still does, through his writings.

Dave Roper, a friend and wise biblical counselor writes these wise words to those who find themselves in a difficult marriage. “If you are among the ranks of the unloved in this life, don’t run from your pain or try to manufacture or manipulate love. Instead, give yourself to knowing and loving Jesus Christ. Through Jesus you will find God’s love drawing you closer to Him...

“Ignore the voices that tell you to set yourself free. They are nothing more than the echoes of self-love and will only lead you to greater emptiness and misery. “Remain,” [stay where you are] as the Apostle Paul urges in 1 Corinthians 7:20....God is working through your heartache, working against your intentions and desires, but pressing you in His direction, holding you with His affection, molding you to His perfect design. There is no greater love.” (Ibid, pp.54-56)

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