MARRIAGE, GOD’S DIVINE DESIGN

Genesis 2:18-23
Bob Bonner
February 1, 2004

An automobile accident badly injured a driver and demolished his new sports car. Witnesses removed him from the car and placed him beside the road to wait for the ambulance. One arm and both legs were obviously broken and he was bruised and bleeding. A police officer examined the situation, walked back to the injured man and said, "I know you're in a great deal of pain, sir, but I need to ask you a few questions. Are you married?"

Startled, the man raised his head slightly, glared at the policeman and said, "No sir! This is the worst mess I've ever been in."

Unfortunately, for millions of disillusioned people, this poor injured man summarizes the plight of many a modern marriage. No one needs to tell us that our generation may be watching the death of marriage as God meant it to be.

Many things have contributed to this attempted homicide committed against God's basic unit of society: marriage. A couple of major contributors to the demise of marriage are the following: First, many couples are no longer intimately acquainted with the Designer of marriage or His divine design for marriage. As a result they have not a clue and few have experienced the good gift that God intends a marriage to be. The second contribution to the death of marriage follows as a result of the first. It is that young couples entering marriage often times have incorrect or unrealistic expectations of marriage itself and of their future partners. When those unrealistic expectations aren’t met, they flee their marriage bonds in hopes of making their fantasy come true in someone else.

When one marriage counselee was asked what he expected in a wife he responded, "What every man expects." And when asked to be more specific he said, "She should always be beautiful and cheerful. Could have married movie stars but wanted only me. Hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops. Beauty that won't run in a rainstorm. Never sick, just allergic to jewelry and fur coats. Insists that moving the furniture by herself is good for her figure. Expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet. Favorite hobbies: mowing the lawn and shoveling snow. Hates charge cards. Her favorite expression: "What can I do for you, dear?" Thinks I have Einstein's brain, but look like Mr. America. Wishes I would go out with the boys so she could get some sewing done. Loves me because I'm sooo sexy."

When the counselee finished his description, he was asked to describe what he got in a wife. In response he answered, "A wife who speaks 140 words a minute with gusts up to 180. She once was a model for a totem pole. A light eater as soon as it gets light she starts eating. Where there's smoke, there she is cooking. She lets me know I only have two faults everything I say and everything I do. No matter what she does, her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory. The last time she used a broom was to fly somewhere. If I get lost, all I have to do is open my wallet and she'll find me. She fights with the neighbors just to keep in practice until I get home."

We may smile at this fellow’s plight, but many men get married with similar unrealistic expectations. However, men aren't the only ones who hold faulty expectations of what they hope their marriage partner will be like. A concerned mother asked her marriageable daughter why she hadn't married. She responded, "I just haven't found the right person." To which her mother followed up with another question: "What kind of man are you looking for?" To which the daughter replied, "The man I marry must stand out in company, be musical, tell jokes, sing, dance and stay home nights." Without even flinching, her mother came back, "Good night, child! You don't want a husband you want a TV set!"

As a direct result of not understanding why God created man and woman, and God's divine design for marriage, these faulty expectations of marriage by both men and women become like strands in a cord that end up strangling their marriage. People get hurt, become bitter and then they become very cynical about men and women and the worthwhileness of marriage.

This morning, we want to begin reexamining God’s divine design for marriage by first looking at why and how God created women. We will start by reading Genesis 2:18-23, getting an overview of the scriptural landscape, and then we will look more closely at the details of God’s creation of woman, the first wife.

Before we even begin, allow me to make an observation: you will note that in verse 18 we have a striking announcement by God that something is not quite right. He presents a problem. The rest of those verses, verses 19-23 solve that problem. We read, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, ’This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’”

When we look closely at the organization of these verses, it may at first seem strange that in verse 18, God points to a problem that “It is not good for man to be alone.” And then, rather than immediately dealing with the problem and just creating woman, God instead starts parading animals before Adam and telling him to show his authority and place of rule over the animals by giving to each a name. Then, after that exercise, God creates woman. Why the delay in creating woman?

God, amongst other things, is the wisest teacher and instructor ever. He was going to give Adam a needed education. If he was ever going to rule over the animals, Adam needed to become closely acquainted with them. Further, as Adam would closely examine each animal before naming them, he would begin to see that he was different than they were. This would later help him not to treat his wife as one of the animals.

In some cultures, men treat their wives like oxen—as though their sole function is to carry out difficult physical tasks. In other cultures, like Nigeria, men treat their wives like rabbits, as though their sole purpose was for the multiplication of children. Men marry in Nigeria simply to have children. Then the man leaves his family and finds his fulfillment at work. Their homes have two rooms in them. One for the wife and children, and one for the man. In our culture, we often treat women like birds - objects of beauty dressed in feathered costumes to be seen in floor shows and treated as playthings or pets. God never intended for wives or women to be treated like the animals.

So by having Adam observe and name the animals before creating for him a wife, God was preparing Adam for marriage and how he was to treat his wife.

In addition, Adam also discovered that he could not talk with the animals, and that would limit his fellowship.

Finally, given the responsibility to name the animals caused him to realize that all of them had pairs, except himself. There were male and female animals, but only himself at this point. This observation would increase his acute awareness of being alone and in need of a partner. It was only after Adam realized his need, and that the other animals did not meet that need, and Adam wanted that need fulfilled, that God created woman.

I’m convinced that by using this approach to reveal Adam’s need to himself, God set the foundation for a relationship in which Adam would value and honor his wife. He would never trivialize her. In fact, Adam so adored his wife that when it later comes between Adam choosing to obey God and staying with God, or eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and not losing Eve, he chose Eve! He loved her to death, literally.

Now, let’s look closely at several terms that help us understand woman as God created her.

Twice in this passage, God describes the one whom Adam needed as a “helper.” This Hebrew term, “helper” is not a demeaning term. A helper is not an errand boy, who is inferior to his boss. Out of 20 usages in the Old Testament, 17 times this same term is used often to describe God Himself, as one who assists man in his plight, when he needs a savior or deliverer. It’s a word that describes “one who provides what is lacking” in the man, one who can do what neither man alone nor man in cooperation with animals could do. Its Greek equivalent describes a physician. Hence, a helper is an honorable calling. Man was created in such a way that he needs the help of this unique female partner. He was incomplete without her, and vice versa.

In marriage, men and women were meant to share all facets of their lives together. They were meant to provide what the other was lacking. In doing so, they would find completeness.

Although the Scriptures clearly teach that the man is to be the head or overseer of the home, that doesn’t mean husband and wife don’t share responsibilities or hold in common various duties and obligations. For instance, what happens if a woman has certain strengths, like skills of managing money better than he? Does he ignore her talents because someone else, or culture, has determined that he is suppose to do all the investing or the balancing of a checkbook? Can’t she be in charge of the finances and investing? Sure she can. Sometimes her innate abilities surpass his and it would be foolish for her not do so.

Furthermore, sometimes there may be seasons in couples’ lives where one is out of work or chooses to not work so that he or she can stay home with the kids or pursue further education. A married couple is a team and they are to figure out what is best for them together. If they do come to a place of disagreement and a decision has to be made, God ultimately will hold the man responsible to make the decision. Likewise, if he ignores his wife’s insights or refuses to grant his wife responsibilities in areas in which she is gifted and he is not, God and life in general will hold him responsible. Wise is the couple who equally together seek the Lord’s guidance in their homebuilding.

Besides mentioning twice that Adam needed a helper, this passage also tells us twice that she was to be “suitable” to Adam. That word, “suitable” means “one who corresponds to” or “perfectly fits” or is “tailor-made for”, like you would have a suit tailor-made to fit just you. It also carries the meaning of being the “perfect counterpart.”

Let me demonstrate this idea with this wooden pen my friend Cliff Meyer, a local pastor, custom-made for me. If you look closely at this wooden pen, you will see that it comes in two parts: the top and bottom part. With the top, you twist it, and the ink cartridge comes out. Twist the top back, and the cartridge returns. If you look real close, you will notice that the wood grain on the bottom half exactly matches the wood grain on the top half. Furthermore, because they are of the same kind of wood, the pen is weight balanced. The top half is suitably made for the bottom half. Once created, there is no other half of a pen in the world like it. These two halves are a perfect match. Together they are “suitable.”

Sometimes these two pieces of wood which were designed to match each other and bring balance to one another, don't quite match or balance. They get off kilter. When that happens, I know exactly why. I have failed to follow Cliff’s instructions as to how to put the pen together properly. As a result, the pen, with the top half not seated properly to the bottom half becomes out of balance, the grain lines don’t match, making it not as pleasurable to the eyes, etc. All because I didn’t follow Cliff’s instructions.

Likewise, when we don't follow the Creator's design or His grain lines or the directions for marriage, we don’t function as we should. We get out of balance, and to some, we even look mismatched. When this happens, typically, instead of turning to the Creator to see how we were meant to best fit together, many individuals in a marriage start trying to fix their partner to their specifications rather than God’s. Or even worse, they start looking for another partner, when in reality there is no other “suitable” partner. Unless one’s partner dies, God has made only one partner that is suitable for you. So if you are married, don’t try to change your partner or change partners. Instead, seek God and find out what He is trying to do in your life. What changes is He trying to make in you?

Sometimes there are rough edges in our lives, sharp points that need character reshaping if God is going to use us more effectively for His glory. More often than not, God uses those closest to us as His tools in the shaping process. If you reject that spouse, God will typically bring someone else along who is even more harsh or abrasive to make the needed changes in your life.

God's point in using this specific term "suitable" then is this: Husbands and wives, the one to whom you are presently married is God's suitable, tailor-made complement for you.

For some of you right now, things may be rough in your marriage, and if it is, it's only because you need to keep working on following God's biblical directions or grain lines for fitting perfectly together. But one thing is for sure - get the idea out of your mind that there is someone else out there who can better meet your needs. There isn't. And even if you did look for someone else who you think could better meet your needs, ask yourself this question: “If I thought I had the Mr. or Mrs. Right last time and they didn’t turn out right, how can I be so sure I’m right this time?” The one to whom you are married now is the one with whom God created you to be “suitable.” Your spouse is as handpicked for you by God as Eve was for Adam. You may not think so, but God has a plan for your mate. He plans to use your mate to make you into the person He wants you to be. He didn’t give you your spouse so that you could remake him/her.

Furthermore, I have never heard of anyone’s spouse becoming that person they fantasized about in days passed. That fantasy spouse is just that...a fantasy. However, as faithful spouses seek the Lord’s direction, correction and shaping of their own lives over time, they soon discover that the very spouse they have turns into their greatest love and perfect partner.

In verses 21-23, we have God’s actual creation of woman. Verse 21 reveals the world’s first surgeon and anesthesiologist: God, and His first operation. He caused Adam to sleep and then operated.

The text reads that God took out a “rib” from Adam’s side. He didn’t create her from scratch as though she were meant to live her life independent from Adam. He fashioned her from Adam’s body, because husbands and wives were made to be one unit. She was made for him, to be a part of him, to complete him. In addition, only in him did she find her completeness. Hence, whatever affects the one spouse was designed to affect the other. His life would become her life, and vice versa.

From that point on, whatever made Adam’s wife happy, whatever needs she had and he met, he in turn would find happiness. Likewise, whatever needs he had and she met, she would find happiness as a result. On the other hand, if Adam ignored her needs or only thought of himself and not of her, or she ignored him and only thought of herself, they would only end up hurting themselves and living with less.

If I focus on my needs first, or only on my needs and not meet hers, in the end I am only hurting myself. And the same thing is true from her side. Likewise, the best way for me to find joy in my life is to consider and do for my wife what is best for her, what completes her and what brings her joy. We are to become students of one another.

I discovered something interesting about that word “rib.” It is used 35 times in the Old Testament. And out of all of those times this word is used, this is the only place it is ever translated “rib”. The majority of the time, it is simply translated “side.” Indeed, a “side” is significantly different from just a rib, and the translation of side appears to fit better here than “rib.” So why they have it “rib” in my Bible, I don’t understand.

A “side” would include more than just a rib-bone. It would also include flesh and blood. This understanding of the term as being a “SIDE” coincides well with Adam’s highly emotional exclamation in verse 23, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.”

The thought behind her being taken from Adam’s side evidently is to stress that woman was made neither from Adam’s head (suggesting superiority) nor from his feet (suggesting inferiority) but from his side, indicating equality and companionship.

Some have seen even more application than this from God’s taking Eve from Adam’s side. Abraham Lincoln was known for being a man who thought deeply about the mysteries of God. And one of those mysteries that he pondered deeply was the creation of woman, her value and her role in marriage. When Abe's sister, Sarah was married to Aaron Grigsby, he wrote for these newlyweds a song, which he entitled, "Adam and Eve's Wedding Song." You might recognize the last three lines of this song, for although some have added their own poetic thoughts to them, their origin came from Lincoln himself. He wrote:

The woman was not taken from Adam's feet, we see, so he must not abuse her, the meaning seems to be.

The woman was not taken from Adam's head, we know, to show she must not rule him. Tis evidently so.

The woman, she was taken from under Adam's arm, so she must be protected from injuries and harm. [Abraham Lincoln, vol. 1, Carl Sandburg, Sangamon edition, p.5253]

Women are to be valued, cared for, cherished, loved and protected. This is even more clear as we look at the word God chooses to describe His deliberate creative work of the first woman.

In verse 22 we find God’s creative workings of woman summed up in the word “fashioned.” When God created man, He chose a completely different verb to describe His action. He used the verb from which we get our noun “potter.” In other words, God took dust, threw some water into it, making it clay-like mud and shaped man like He would a clay pot.

But when it came time to creating woman, God “f-a-s-h-i-o-n-e-d” her! This word literally is the term used for CONSTRUCTING A WORK OF ART. This work of God was the product of God’s artful genius! The Holy Spirit used the Apostle Peter to describe her as a weaker, meaning a more delicate and priceless, vessel. Where as the man may be likened to that washtub-like musical instrument called a “gut-bucket”, a woman would be likened to a Stradivarius Violin. Dr. Bruce Waltke, a Hebrew scholar, in pointing out the significant difference between the two manners in which God went about creating man and woman said of God’s creation of woman, “God is not about to waste the best of His creation on an unappreciative male.” Men, the point being, your gal is special, so treat her as such.

In addition, because she was built out of part of Adam, his life would become her life, and vice versa. If Adam only thought of himself and not her, or she only thought of herself and not him, they would only end up hurting themselves. The best way for Adam to find pleasure was to make sure his wife was pleased. And the best way for Eve to find pleasure was to make sure Adam was pleased.

Likewise, the best way for me to find joy in my life is to consider and do for my wife what is best for her, what completes her and what brings her joy. If I focus on my needs first, or only my needs and not meet her needs, in the end, I am only hurting myself.

Make no mistake about it. According to verse 23, when Adam awoke and God presented him with Eve, he was blown away with God’s “fashioning.” There is not sound or words in English that express the joy and excitement Adam felt when he first saw his beautiful beloved. The best I can do to translate the emotion and meaning of that statement in verse 23 would be the combination of a loud “wolf whistle”, and a modern day exclamation of when one sees their dream come true, “Yes!”

As head of the home, just as ruler of the world, Adam illustrates his headship in verse 23, His priority, by giving woman her name. By the way, this idea of equality of men and women, yet priority of headship being given to the man is not contradictory, any more than the trinity is contradictory in that we have God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit in One. They are equal in essence, yet unique in their roles. Both the Son and the Spirit’s role is to point the world to the One in priority, God the Father.

Likewise, men and women do have roles. Sometimes they are distinct and sometimes they are shared. Headship, the place the buck stops in marriage, the one to whom will answer to God for the manner in which the home is run, is the role of the husband. Depending on your situation, men, that could be good news or bad news. Either way, we have our responsibilities clearly set out before us in God’s word. First and foremost it is our privilege to honor, cherish, nourish and treat as precious our wives.

As it concerned Adam giving a name to woman, there is something very interesting about it. The name for “man” in Hebrew is “Ish.” Adam took his name for himself and gave it to woman when he called her, “ISHAAAAAA!” Even her name sounds like the expression of pure pleasure, joy and satisfaction he felt inside knowing that he had finally found his one and only unique, suitable counterpart. Adam’s name for Eve was not only a reflection of himself but also a statement of their equality as designed by God.

Men, if Jesus were to take you out for lunch by yourself after this service, and ask how you were treating the women in your life, how would you respond? This goes for those of you who are married and not married. Some of you unmarried men have employees, employers, secretaries or girl friends. Are you treating them with honor, value and worth? If you are married, are you treating your wife, your female employees and employers with the honor due them? If not, why not?

Wives, if your husband is not treating you with honor, why not? If Jesus were to take you out to lunch after this service, and asked you, “Is your husband only reflecting back to you the amount of honor and value you show him?”, how would you truthfully answer that? Remember, God knows all!

You single girls, if the man you are dating is not treating you with honor and value; if he is not treating you for who you are rather than for what you can do for him, dump him! You’re worth more than that!

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