NOBLE EPITAPH

Genesis 35:16-36:43
Bob Bonner
March 18, 2007

When Becky and I lived in New Jersey, our home backed up to a graveyard. Up until then, I had thought that graveyards were something one ought try to avoid. But that graveyard proved to be quite beneficial. Besides having quiet neighbors, it was a wonderful place to take a walk. Not having walked in many cemeteries before, I was amazed at how old some of the headstones were. There were many that dated back before the American Revolution. Some were made of hardwood and still legible. But what caught Becky’s and my eye the first time we walked this graveyard, were the various epitaphs carved into the headstones. These brief statements epitomizing an individual’s life were thought provoking. One read: “A special gift, while we had her.” Looking closely at the date, the grave held a child who died at the age of 7. Another read, “A faithful wife and loving mother.” There were several with similar notes, “Home with Jesus!”

Besides providing us with quiet neighbors and a nice place to walk, that cemetery got me to thinking. When I die, what short statement would I want carved in stone that summarized the investment of my life? This question further pushed me to consider how I was living today, in light of eternity. Whenever I have the time, I continue to walk through cemeteries and read grave markers, to remind me that life is short and also to look for meaningful, noble epitaphs. One last epitaph from the grave marker of one of my mentors who was committed to clear biblical exposition, it reads, “He was a faithful steward.”

This morning, as we continue our study of Genesis, chapters 35-36 are two chapters that record several deaths and epitaphs of significant Biblical figures. In the first half of chapter 35, which we have already covered in past weeks, we read of the slaughter of the Hivites and the death of Jacob’s beloved nursemaid, Deborah. In the rest of chapter 35, we read of the death of Jacob’s beloved wife, Rachel and his father Isaac. The deaths of Deborah, Rachel and Isaac appear to have happened all within a short period of time, probably within four weeks of each other. 

When we come to chapter 36, we read about the genealogy of Jacob’s brother, Esau and his descendants who rule Edom. There is no mention of Esau’s death in this chapter, presumably because he had rejected his family’s birthright and did not figure in the future development of the nation of Israel. However, each of the deaths listed in these chapters, along with Esau’s presumed death, and the subsequent epitaphs or lack of epitaphs teach us much about how we ought to consider investing our lives. Hence, these chapter are worthy of our study.

After his marvelous encounter with God at Bethel, in Genesis 35:1-15, Jacob leaves Bethel and travels due south. During this brief period, Jacob is forced to endure the deaths of two more of his family members. “Then they journeyed from Bethel; and when there was still some distance to go to Ephrath, Rachel began to give birth and she suffered severe labor. When she was in severe labor the midwife said to her, ‘Do not fear, for now you have another son.’ It came about as her soul was departing (for she died), that she named him Ben-oni [son of my sorrow]; but his father called him Benjamin [son of my right hand]. So Rachel died and was buried on the way to Ephrath (that is, Bethlehem). Jacob set up a pillar over her grave; that is the pillar of Rachel’s grave to this day.”

Rachel was Jacob’s first and only true love. They had known each other for less than 30 years, but his life would be forever empty without her. Sure, there was still Leah, his other wife, one forced upon him by her father, but she would never take the place of Rachel. Jacob was committed to Leah and he would continue to treat her well. Yet, Jacob never get over his loss of Rachel.

Jacob’s greater love for Rachel than for Leah, and Leah’s subsequent jealousy was well-known within the family. Hence, with Rachel’s death, Leah’s number one son, Reuben tries to stand up for his mother, Leah, by sending a signal to his father to start treating his mother with the same love with which Jacob had loved Rachel. Reuben’s attempt to honor his mother by dishonorable means, seriously backfires on him. We read, “Then Israel journeyed on and pitched his tent beyond the tower of Eder. It came about while Israel was dwelling in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine, and Israel heard of it.”

Bilhah was old enough to be Reuben’s mother, and was the mother of two of his younger half-brothers. So, this was clearly a very abnormal, sick situation. Why would Reuben do such a thing? As mentioned before, he possibly was trying to stand up to his father on behalf of his mother, but it was also an obvious attempt, per the pagan customs of the day, to establish himself prematurely as the family’s next ruler through sinfully sleeping with his father’s handmaid.

There is an obvious absence of an immediate response by Jacob to Reuben’s sin. Other than stating that Israel had heard about it, we find that Israel did nothing to confront Reuben about his sin. It could be that Jacob is still his passive fatherly self, merely following his father, Isaac’s ineffective model of parenting.

Or, there could be another reason for Jacob’s inaction. This horrible act followed directly on the heels of Jacob having just buried his lifelong nursemaid, Deborah and his beloved Rachel. Jacob was racked with grief. He could have been in no mood to deal with Reuben at that moment. But make no mistake about it, this action of Reuben rocked Jacob’s world! One day he would confront Reuben with his failure, but now was not the time.

In the end, all that Reuben’s action did was kill any chance he had of developing a close relationship with his father, Jacob. Keep in mind, Reuben was the next in line to be the rightful patriarch of the family. As we will see in the chapters to come, Reuben and Jacob’s relationship never recovered from this event. Reuben worked hard to regain his father’s trust, but never did; partly because of Reuben’s faults and partly because of Jacob’s weaknesses as a father.

From here, we read a summary of the rest of the members of Jacob’s own household concluding with the death of Jacob’s father. Again, this death, in conjunction with Rachel and Deborah’s death, all took place in less than one year. This was a hard year on Jacob. His emotional loss was great. Beginning with verse 23, we first read a listing of Leah’s sons and then Rachel’s sons, and then the children born to Jacob via his wives’ handmaids:  “The sons of Leah: Reuben, Jacob’s firstborn, then Simeon and Levi and Judah and Issachar and Zebulun; the sons of Rachel: Joseph and Benjamin; and the sons of Bilhah, Rachel’s maid: Dan and Naphtali; and the sons of Zilpah, Leah’s maid: Gad and Asher. These are the sons of Jacob who were born to him in Paddan-aram. Jacob came to his father Isaac at Mamre of Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron), where Abraham and Isaac had sojourned. Now the days of Isaac were one hundred and eighty years. Isaac breathed his last and died and was gathered to his people, an old man of ripe age; and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.”

After the deaths of two of the most dear females in Jacob’s life, Jacob heads to his father’s home. He barely gets there in time to greet his father, before his Dad dies. He hasn’t seen his father in over thirty years, a man whom Jacob had never really been able to get close to. And now, he never would. Their life together would end on a sour note, one of discord.

How sad it is to hear from children and parents left behind by death, of their grief of never reconciling or having a close relationship with a child or parent because of anger management issues, addiction issues, unresolved bitterness that sprouts from various seeds of past hurts. Suddenly, that sibling or parent is dead, and there is a huge loss. Both Isaac and Jacob had serious pride issues that they allowed to block the development of a quality relationship between father and son. Parents and kids can be so stubborn that they refuse to take responsibility for their own wrongdoings, quick to point the finger at others, refuse to ask for or grant forgiveness to another. In the end, relationships end on sour notes of discord.

Yet, even though Jacob’s relationship with his Dad ended on a sour note, this chapter does not close that way. Instead, it finishes on a harmonious chord. It is noteworthy that Esau and Jacob were still in fellowship with each other a good ten years or more after their first reunion. They would never be truly close as brothers, but neither were they enemies. 

I can’t help but believe that by sharing this same sorrow of their father’s death, these twin brothers must have confirmed their friendship and tenderized their hearts toward one another. By now, both had realized that each of them had been at fault for their 100 years of conflict. For some, the death of a loved one can be a wonderful healer of breaches. I believe this was so for Jacob and Esau. This is not to say they became close, but rather, they were no longer enemies.

As we come to chapter 36, we encounter the summary of Esau’s household and a future look into those descendants who will rule Edom during the period of Israel’s kingdom. Esau’s death is presumed by the end of the chapter. The absence of the details of his death speaks volumes. In the interest of time, we will not read all of the verses or the names listed here, but instead, I will give you a brief overview and outline of this chapter. However, let me just add, that a close study of this chapter would prove profitable to you if you wanted to trace these people’s names and the people groups and nations that come from them. We will conclude our study with a brief review of Esau’s life, and what we can learn and apply from this passage of Scripture.

Chapter 36 explains what happens to Esau and his family following his brother Jacob’s return to the land. For the past 30 years of Jacob’s absence in Canaan, Esau, in his nomadic lifestyle, moved freely back and forth between Canaan and Edom. But upon Jacob’s return as the family patriarch, Esau had to leave Canaan for good, for two reasons: First, because he had lost the right to live there when he rejected his birthright; and second, the land couldn’t sustain both his family and herds and Jacob’s. Jacob and Esau were extremely wealthy and had large households that demanded much territory to sustain them. They were the Bill Gates and Warren Buffets of their generation.

This chapter falls into two sections: verses 1-8 deal with Esau’s family who were born while he lived in Canaan. Verses 9-43 deal with Esau’s family after their move to Edom, and their ultimate takeover of the land from the Horites.

Let’s begin our look at chapter 36, by reading about those sons born to Esau while he lived freely throughout Canaan, verses 1-8. “Now these are the records of the generations of Esau (that is, Edom). Esau took his wives from the daughters of Canaan: Adah the daughter of Elon the Hittite, and Oholibamah the daughter of Anah and the granddaughter of Zibeon the Hivite; also Basemath, Ishmael’s daughter, the sister of Nebaioth. Adah bore Eliphaz to Esau, and Basemath bore Reuel, and Oholibamah bore Jeush and Jalam and Korah. These are the sons of Esau who were born to him in the land of Canaan. Then Esau took his wives and his sons and his daughters and all his household, and his livestock and all his cattle and all his goods which he had acquired in the land of Canaan, and went to another land away from his brother Jacob. For their property had become too great for them to live together, and the land where they sojourned could not sustain them because of their livestock. So Esau lived in the hill country of Seir; Esau is Edom.”

As we stand back and look at these verses, there are two elements worthy of taking note.

First, these verses list three of Esau’s wives, however their names are different as recorded previously in Genesis 26 and 28. Some have taken this to mean that Esau married six different women. Others have concluded that it is more likely that these are the same women with new names, because some of the same people around them are mentioned in both passages. Further, it was not uncommon for women’s names to be changed once they married into a foreign culture. Hence, I side with those who hold to these being the same three wives.

A second noteworthy element concerns Esau’s sons, who were born “in the land,” an expression that refers to Canaan. The reason this chapter emphasizes Esau’s sons that were born in Canaan and then later points to his sons and grandsons born in Edom is that Moses is highlighting Jacob’s right to stay in the land, and that Esau was forced to leave. Both sons could not stay in Canaan. Jacob is God’s choice to rule the family, so Esau and his sons had to set up their home base elsewhere. That’s why verse 6 reads that Esau “went to another land away from his brother Jacob.” They had to move. In addition, verse 7 informs us that Esau couldn’t stay in Canaan because the land wouldn’t support two families of their size.

The principal cities of the area known as Edom were Sela, Bozrah, Petra, Teman, and Ezion-geber. Probably the most famous of these cities is Petra. These cities were not unsophisticated fortresses, but establishments that were works of art in themselves. I mention this because you might think of Esau as merely a frontiersman, with no understanding of such things as the arts, engineering or the political life that go along with such a well-developed civilization. Esau moved around a lot as a nomad because he chose to. He preferred the outdoors to urban living, much like Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett. Like them, Esau wasn’t ignorant of high society or what goes on in big cities. He simply liked the rural life much better. In the future, Esau’s descendants ruled these cities and still do today. They were eventually called “Edomites.” In a few hundred years, these Edomites became hostile to the Israelites and remained so throughout Old Testament times, and make up much of the Arab world who continue to be hostile to Israel. 

Verses 9-43, fall into four parts. As you read through these parts, sometimes men are referred to as “sons” of Esau, when really they are grandsons or great grandsons. Culturally, even during Moses’ day, grandchildren were considered the children of their living or most famous patriarch. For instance, the children of Abraham refer to all of Abraham’s descendants, not just those born to him through his wives. Likewise, the children of Israel refer to the nation of Israel that came from Jacob’s line.

By way of outline, in verses 9-19, you have the first of this four part section, which is a list of Esau’s sons and grandsons who become chiefs of Edom. While alive, Esau was the overlord, with these chiefs serving beneath him.

In verses 20-30, we have a list of the sons of Horite. We are not sure why they are mentioned here. There are two theories: One suggests that these sons of Horite intermarried with Esau’s daughters and granddaughters, thus sharing in the rule of Edom under Esau. A second theory suggests that these were the rulers of Edom before Esau showed up on the scene and Esau either destroyed them or they chose to rule under his authority. We are really not sure.

In verses 31-39, we have a list of Esau’s relatives who ruled as kings in Edom many centuries later, parallel to the kings in Israel.

In verses 40-43, we have a list of future administrative chiefs of Edom who served under the kings of Edom.

With the end of verse 43, the record of Esau comes to a sudden close. Because there is no epitaph, let’s take a moment to review Esau’s life, before we leave him for good in our study of Genesis. Whatever fault we may attribute to Jacob and however great our contempt may be for Jacob’s underhanded dealings with Esau concerning the loss of his birthright and blessing, we must not overlook the fact that in parting with his birthright, Esau revealed his true character. As we study Esau’s life, we discover that his horizon was bounded by earth and that which is temporal. He lived for the immediate pleasure he could grasp from life, regardless of the cost to his future. He would have said, “Eat dessert first.”  He had no concern for the God of both heaven and earth or that which concerned his eternal destiny. He lived, simply, for the here and now.

As it concerns his family legacy, he introduced into his father’s family the forbidden practice of polygamy. Having no room for God in his life, Esau totally despised his birthright and everything his family stood for. This was not something that happened just by Jacob’s trickery. The promises of God meant nothing him. Moved by the Spirit of God, the writer of Hebrews 12:16 declares that Esau was a “godless” man, spiritually dead.

And that leads me to the first of three important implications this passage of Scripture has for our lives.

First of all, parents are not ultimately the one’s who are responsible for the way their kids turn out. Humanly speaking, God does charge parents with raising children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. However, the children ultimately will be held responsible for their eternal destiny, not their parents. If you don’t think so, check out God as the perfect father in a perfect setting, like the garden of Eden. Does He hold Himself responsible for Adam and Eve’s rejection of Him and His decrees? No. They are responsible for their own decisions. 

Check out Samuel as a parent or Sampson’s parents. In both of those cases, they were devout parents who had instructed their children in the things of the Lord the best way they knew how, but their children chose to ignore God and go their own way. 

Esau had the same parents and the same opportunities as did Jacob. He had been taught the same spiritual truths as his brother Jacob. The fact that Esau realized that he had blown it with his blessing and felt sorry about it, shows that he had been taught its value and that he had deliberately set it aside or despised it. 

Hence, from the human point of view, the opportunity to accept or reject God falls upon the individual. Each individual is responsible for his/her eternal destiny.

As I meditate over the latter half of chapter 35, and Isaac’s funeral, I’m reminded of what I have observed as a pastor who has officiated at many a family’s funeral. Funerals present a significant opportunity for siblings to stop and take account of their relationships with one another. I have witnessed that some children suddenly awaken to the many lost opportunities to enjoy one another. I have seen those who have lived in conflict, suddenly realize that life is too short to keep on fighting with one another. They realize that as different as they may be in personality, they share much more in common that makes reconciliation worthwhile. Like Jacob and Esau, they decide to put the past in the past. They choose to swallow their pride and past hurts and seek reconciliation with family members.

But sadly, for too many, funerals become a time of increased conflict built upon deep hurts and the holding of past grudges. More often than not, it seems that conflict over money is the issue. A death in the family is already filled with much grief. Why add to the grief by allowing past hurts and grudges to rule the day.

Here’s my suggestion: Take the eternal perspective of what will really matter in heaven. What hurt or injustice suffered here will be remembered there? Instead of allowing the poison of bitterness to ruin years here on earth, why not commit to making reconciliation a priority in your family. Keep short accounts with family members.

One final observation from this passage that I think has great implications for us today. If you compare God’s epitaph to Abraham in Genesis 25:8, with God’s epitaph to Isaac in Genesis 35:29, both father and son are said to have died at a “ripe old age.” But God adds something to Abraham’s epitaph that is obviously absent from Isaac’s. Of Abraham we read that he died “old and satisfied,” meaning that Abraham lived a long and full life. 

If you followed our study of Isaac’s life in the past, you will remember that as Isaac entered into retirement age, he turned away from God and retired from all that was spiritual. Instead, he turned toward filling his stomach with food as his source of comfort and never quite got enough. How ironic. In the end, rather than dying like his father, old and satisfied or full of life, Isaac dies old and empty.

Sadly, Isaac is not the only recorded believer in the Bible who did not finish well spiritually. It happens. But it doesn’t have to happen. For there are numerous examples of believers finishing well. For instance: Moses. In Deut. 34:7, we read “Although Moses was one hundred and twenty years old when he died, his eye was not dim, nor his vigor abated.”

Or consider the example of Caleb, who never retired from the adventure of faith. Even into his eighties he was eager to take the high ground for the Lord. We read in Joshua 14:11-12, “I am still as strong today as I was in the day Moses sent me; as my strength was then, so my strength is now, for war and for going out and coming in. Now then, give me this hill country about which the LORD spoke on that day, for you heard on that day that Anakim were there, with great fortified cities; perhaps the LORD will be with me, and I will drive them out as the LORD has spoken.”

You can retire from your job, but you do not retire from the life of faith. Taking new ground for Christ is always the best guard against hedonism, sensuality and the pitfalls of retirement. Like Caleb, keep looking for another assignment by which you can serve and honor God. Show the generation behind you how to finish well, choose to flame out, not rust out as it concerns the activity of your faith.

Better yet, why not take seriously this thought: One day, someone may write a true epitaph on your headstone or in your obituary. What would you like it to read? For those of you who have come to Christ later in life, how about, “Began the race late, but finished well!” or, “Spiritual marathon man!” or, simply, “Faithful til the end.” What would you like your epitaph to read? Once you figure that out, then determine by God’s grace to live that way. 

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