SETTING THE FOUNDATION FOR RECONCILIATION

Genesis 43
Bob Bonner
September 30, 2007

There are two biblical terms used in describing the rescuing of broken relationships with others. Oftentimes we use these two terms as though they were synonymous, when they are not in the biblical use of the words. They are definitely related, but they are not synonymous. The two terms are “reconciliation” and “restoration.” Reconciliation refers to the bringing together of two people who were once united, but for some offense or enmity they are now hostile toward one another or divided. The solution to reconciliation is to remove the enmity or to remove the cause and, if need be, return what was taken or make restitution. Reconciliation focuses on an action taken in the present that is to have immediate results in the present.

Restoration, on the other hand, is an action that focuses on the future, and hopes to return in the future to a former greatness or closeness in relationship. Typically, reconciliation precedes restoration, but reconciliation does not guarantee restoration. Take the case of a physical injury suffered in an auto accident where a person’s arm is irreplaceably severed. The patient can be revived and his life saved, but for the rest of his days on this earth, he will live without that arm that was once a part of him. In the resurrection body, it will be fully restored, but not until then.

Similarly, as it concerns our relationships with others, reconciliation may often happen, but restoration may not fully take place here on earth. Take the matter of divorce and remarriage as an example. A couple can forgive one another for their past, but once a divorce and remarriage to someone else takes place, returning to the previous relationship is not possible. Only when we are in heaven together, and all relationships are changed will restoration take place. But here on earth, restoration just isn’t always possible.

Allow me to give you a biblical example of a relationship that experienced reconciliation without restoration. The two brothers, Esau and Jacob, from childhood were at enmity toward one another. No thanks to their parents who fostered this enmity through their showing favoritism to their children, Esau wanted and would have killed Jacob if Jacob had not run for his life. It would take more than twenty years of separation before either of them were ready to be reconciled, and they were. But restoration was never truly realized between them for the rest of their days on earth. Although they had dealt with their hatred and enmity of their past, these two brothers never became really close. In fact, after their reconciliation, the only time they saw one another again was at their father’s funeral. Following that, the record shows no evidence that they ever communicated again or had family reunions, etc. Hence, reconciliation but no full restoration.

In this fallen world, reconciliation can be had, but there is no guarantee that reconciled people will necessarily become trusting and warm toward one another as they once may have been, and thus be restored. Restoration is always an honorable, good and worthwhile goal to work toward, but not always possible.

This morning, as we look to God’s Word, we are going to see an illustration, once again, of what is necessary for the first step, reconciliation, to take place with the hope that the second step, restoration, may also take place in the future. If you have your Bibles with you, please open them to Genesis 43.

In case you have not been with us in our study of Genesis, allow me to set the stage as to where we are in our study. Genesis 42-46 covers three journeys of Joseph’s brother’s to Egypt. These journeys were motivated by the famine in Canaan and their need to get food which was plentiful in Egypt. The first journey included just the 10 brothers, without their youngest brother, Benjamin. The second, which we will be looking at this morning, included Benjamin with his brothers. And the third, has the brothers joined by their entire family, the most important of whom was their father, Jacob. With each of these three journeys to Egypt, the emotional outbursts of all concerned escalate. In addition, we see God transforming these previously godless brothers into God-fearing men. In particular, we see God’s transforming work in the brother, Judah’s life, who will one day be given the nod as the future head of the family.

Last time, in chapter 42 we saw that the ten brothers, for the first time in their lives, personally recognized God as the Moral Governor of the universe, and that He was at work in their lives. Their consciences were awakened to confess their guilt and fear to God. They also began to manifest the faith, penitence, tender emotions, and loyalty that typically unites a family, but up to this point had been missing in this family.

We pick up the story, in Genesis 43:1, with the brothers at home with their father, Jacob. As far as the famine is concerned, things were getting worse. According to verse 10, Jacob had delayed their return to Egypt for at least a month. He had hoped that the famine would cease. He had probably rationed their grain so that it would last as long as possible with the hopes he would not have to send his sons back Egypt.  The boys, on the other hand, wanted to return to Egypt immediately, not to just get more grain, but they wanted to get their brother, Simeon out of the Egyptian prison. But up to this point, Jacob, their father, had felt that everything was against him. His life was trapped by losses suffered in the past, and he wanted to protect himself from any further losses or pain. To lose Rachel, then Joseph, possibly Simeon... no way was he going to risk losing Benjamin, his now favored son, by sending him down to Egypt. 

But God continued to apply and increase the pressure upon Jacob and his family, to fulfill God’s purposes...even against their will. And eventually, their supply of grain ran out and Jacob was forced to send his sons back to Egypt to get food.  Beginning with verse 1, we read, “Now the famine was severe in the land. So it came about when they had finished eating the grain which they had brought from Egypt that their father said to them, ‘Go back, buy us a little food.’ Judah spoke to him, however, saying, ‘The man solemnly warned us, You shall not see my face unless your brother is with you. If you send our brother with us, we will go down and buy you food. But if you do not send him, we will not go down; for the man said to us, You will not see my face unless your brother is with you.’ ”

Judah, a different Judah, one whose conscience has been resurrected through his humbling incident with Tamar back in chapter 38, and his subsequent trip to Egypt, now steps up to lead his family. Judah respectfully speaks up to his father and says, “We will not go without Benjamin.”

“Then Israel said, [Note, will you, the deliberate and sudden name change here for Jacob. His new name, given to him by God, that of “Israel,” has not been used since Gen. 37:13. While Jacob lived a defeated life, one of focusing on his losses rather than on God, the Bible uses his old name, Jacob. But in the verses to follow, for the first time we see Jacob beginning to consider the possibility of allowing Benjamin to go. His faith is in process of revival, and so he is called “Israel” again. In other words, as God applies loving pressure to this believer’s life, he begins to respond with obedience.] Why did you treat me so badly by telling the man whether you still had another brother?”

Jacob, ever feeling sorry for himself and that the whole world is against him, accuses his sons of setting him up to lose his only other sacred child, Benjamin. Imagine how this favoritism must have stung the hearts of Judah and the rest of his brothers. Whenever their father thought or spoke of “his children,” the other brothers were not even considered children by their father. Only Joseph and Benjamin were considered his children, because they were the only ones born to his chosen and beloved wife Rachel.

“But they [not just Judah, but all the brothers who felt their father’s stinging words of rejection] said, ‘The man questioned particularly about us [or, the man persistently asked us] and our relatives, saying, Is your father still alive? Have you another brother? So we answered his questions. Could we possibly know that he would say, Bring your brother down? Judah said to his father Israel, Send the lad with me and we will arise and go, that we may live and not die, we as well as you and our little ones.’”

Judah respectfully explains to his father that they did not set him up. Rather, they had no choice but to tell the truth, and furthermore could never have suspected that this powerful man would have made such an unusual request to return with their youngest brother. By the way, Benjamin is more than 22 years old at this point, but because he is the youngest, he is still called a “lad.”

Judah continues, “I myself will be surety for him; you may hold me responsible for him. If I do not bring him back to you and set him before you, then let me bear the blame before you forever. For if we had not delayed, surely by now we could have returned twice.”

In contrast to Reuben, Judah offers up himself as surety for Benjamin’s return. He is assuming a responsibility to save his family, willing to surrender his family’s fortune and his very life to Jacob.  And then he gently rebukes his father that they should have left for Egypt a month ago!  At this point, Judah portrays a type of Christ, in that our Lord Jesus took that place and became our surety, our guarantee, our penalty, that we, as His brothers, might one day be reunited with our heavenly Father.

Realizing that this was really their only possible course of action to save their entire family, Israel says, “If it must be so, then do this: take some of the best products of the land in your bags, and carry down to the man as a present, a little balm and a little honey, aromatic gum and myrrh, pistachio nuts and almonds. Take double the money in your hand, and take back in your hand the money that was returned in the mouth of your sacks; perhaps it was a mistake. Take your brother also, and arise, return to the man; and may God Almighty grant you compassion in the sight of the man, so that he will release to you your other brother and Benjamin. And as for me, if I am bereaved of my children, I am bereaved.”

Israel wants to make sure that he is doing all he can to give the mission every chance of being successful, so he does three things: First, he offers a customary gift of submission that demonstrates his respect for the Egyptian ruler. Note that this gift reveals that although the famine is in full force, Jacob’s household is not starving. They still have honey and pistachio nuts and almonds!! Second, so that there would be no accusation of having stolen money from this Egyptian leader, Jacob returns double the money to Egypt. And finally, Jacob recognizes and calls out to God, “El Shaddai”, the one who provides and protects, for His blessing of protection and success over their mission.

Let’s just pause for a moment to consider Jacob’s life up to this point, and what could have been for him and his family. What a poor excuse Jacob has been for a spiritual leader and shepherd over his family. Just think about all of the suffering, Jacob had gotten burned by his father-in-law concerning his wives. He carried that hurt and possibly used it as an excuse not to serve or be as faithful to the Lord as he should have been. Sometimes we do that with past hurts. Or maybe he used the excuse of his past hurts to cover up his own rebellious heart. We don’t know for sure. He probably privately worshiped or gave lip service to God, but there was no evidence before his sons that he took s this family could have avoided if Jacob had only taken seriously and made it a priority to seek after God and to train up his sons to follow after the Lord. Even if they never chose to follow after God, they would have known by their father’s example the importance of worshiping God, trusting in God and making daily service to God a priority in their lives. 

Yes, Jacob had gotten burned by his father-in-law concerning his wives. He carried that hurt and possibly used it as an excuse not to serve or be as faithful to the Lord as he should have been. Sometimes we do that with past hurts. Or maybe he used the excuse of his past hurts to cover up his own rebellious heart. We don’t know for sure. He probably privately worshiped or gave lip service to God, but there was no evidence before his sons that he took serving God seriously.   

What we can be assured of is that if he had taken seriously his role as the spiritual leader of his home, there would have been no slaughter of the innocent at Shechem, which turned all of his Canaanite neighbors against him. There would have been no jealousies between his wives. There would have been no favoritism problems with kids. There would have been no 40 years of broken relationships within the family. All these things took place under Jacob’s roof because the man of the house brushed off his role of being the spiritual leader of his family, and had refused to actively serve God. 

From here the brothers return to Egypt. In verses 15-25, once they get there they prepared to join their brother Joseph at a luncheon, given in their honor. We read, “So the men took this present, and they took double the money in their hand, and Benjamin; then they arose and went down to Egypt and stood before Joseph. When Joseph saw Benjamin with them, he said to his house steward, ‘Bring the men into the house, and slay an animal and make ready; for the men are to dine with me at noon.’ So the man did as Joseph said, and brought the men to Joseph’s house.”

Upon seeing them, Joseph invites them into his home for a luncheon. The reason is obvious. He doesn’t want to talk with them publicly. This is a private affair. Note that Joseph must have been watching for six weeks for his brothers to return. After giving his instructions, Joseph then leaves the scene, probably to prepare his heart for this highly emotional first viewing of his little brother.

But his brothers don’t know what to make of this private party. Last time they met privately with him, things didn’t go so well. Furthermore, they know that high Egyptian officials kept dungeons in their homes and it may be they will be incarcerated and made slaves. Hence, we read, “Now the men were afraid, because they were brought to Joseph’s house; and they said, ‘It is because of the money that was returned in our sacks the first time that we are being brought in, that he may seek occasion against us and fall upon us, and take us for slaves with our donkeys.’ So they came near to Joseph’s house steward, and spoke to him at the entrance of the house, and said, ‘Oh, my lord, we indeed came down the first time to buy food, and it came about when we came to the lodging place, that we opened our sacks, and behold, each man’s money was in the mouth of his sack, our money in full. So we have brought it back in our hand. We have also brought down other money in our hand to buy food; we do not know who put our money in our sacks. He said, Be at ease, [literally, “Shalom” or “peace”] do not be afraid. Your God and the God of your father has given you treasure in your sacks; I had your money.’”

Isn’t it ironic that the name of God was mentioned more in polytheistic Egypt during those days than He had been in Jacob’s own family gatherings over the past 40 years. Also, it might interest you to know that the steward’s statement, “I had your money” was a legal formula confirming receipt of full payment. In other words, he was telling them, “We know that you didn’t steal the money.” Personally, I believe that this particular steward was in on Joseph’s plans. This steward may have been as much a confident as a cupbearer was to the Pharaoh. Hence, when he told them “Shalom,” he was saying more to them than just, “Relax, fellas.” The steward was trying to tell them that something really good was about to take place. “Then he brought Simeon out to them. Then the man brought the men into Joseph’s house and gave them water, and they washed their feet; and he gave their donkeys fodder. So they prepared the present for Joseph’s coming at noon; for they had heard that they were to eat a meal there.”

Notice the progression here: Having assured them that he knows of their innocence concerning the money, he then returns their brother to them. Next, he gives them water, or shows them the showers for the purposes of cleaning up after a week of dirty travel through the desert. In addition, he graciously feeds their animals! He has poured grace upon grace to these men, demonstrating to them that all is well. And then, he blows them away by directing their attention to their God, as the one who has blessed and protected them! How this steward knew about their God, I don’t really know. I can only guess that Joseph’s spiritual life had had an impact upon this man.

How would you feel, as someone who was raised in a Christian country, but were not making Jesus Christ the priority of your life,...how would you feel if a Muslim convert had said to you, “Your Christian God is the one who has saved you?!” At this point, they had a lot of questions whirling around in their brains. But before they could get those answered, they had to get their gifts ready to give to “The Man” at the luncheon.

At this point, luncheon is about to be served. “When Joseph came home, they brought into the house to him the present which was in their hand and bowed to the ground before him. Then he asked them about their welfare, and said, ‘Is your old father well, of whom you spoke? Is he still alive?’ They said, ‘Your servant our father is well; he is still alive.’ They bowed down in homage. [two more times they bow down to Joseph, further fulfilling Joseph’s dream of chapter 37] As he lifted his eyes and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother’s son, he said, ‘Is this your youngest brother, of whom you spoke to me?’ And he said, ‘May God be gracious to you, my son.’” In case you can’t remember, the last time Joseph set eyes on Benjamin, Ben was only one year old.

“Joseph hurried out for he was deeply stirred over his brother, and he sought a place to weep; and he entered his chamber and wept there. Then he washed his face and came out; and he controlled himself and said, ‘Serve the meal.’”

Wrought with emotion, Joseph can’t contain himself for the tears of joy and thankfulness at seeing his brother and seeing the evidence that quite possibly, he and his family will be reunited and reconciled. He once again hurries out of the room to cry alone, in private. He then returns to give orders to start serving the meal. Imagine what all of Joseph’s servants must have been thinking for presumably, they were not in on what was going on. They had never seen their master act so strangely. But several weeks from now, these same servants, as everyone else in Egypt, would know, the “rest of the story.” And when they did, they would be even more impressed with Joseph’s character as a leader, and they would stand in awe of Joseph’s God.

In verse 32, we are given further important details of the feast. “So they served him by himself, and them by themselves, and the Egyptians who ate with him by themselves, because the Egyptians could not eat bread with the Hebrews, for that is loathsome to the Egyptians. Now they were seated before him, the firstborn according to his birthright and the youngest according to his youth, and the men looked at one another in astonishment. He took portions to them from his own table, but Benjamin’s portion was five times as much as any of theirs. So they feasted and drank freely with him.”

There were three separate tables or eating areas in the room: one for the brothers, one for Joseph, the ruler, and one for the other Egyptians in attendance. However, what must have stood out as peculiar to these brothers is that their previously made seating arrangements, with their name plates in front of each of their seats had them sitting in the exact order of their birth. They must have been asking themselves, “How does this man know so much about our family?” Just so you know, the odds of seating these 11 brothers in the correct order of their age, if you didn’t know them ahead of time, were approximately, 40 million to one against it!

And then Joseph did something that was unheard of. Rather than the Egyptian servants serving up his brother’s food, Joseph did so...from his own table no less!  What an ironic contrast this is to their having thrown him in the pit, 22 years before to starve as he cried out for them to release him, while they ate their meal.

This reminds me of the Apostle Paul’s words in Romans 12:17-21, “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends upon you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. ‘But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.’”

And then, Joseph tests the level of his brothers’ jealousy by showing favoritism to Benjamin serving him 5 times more than anyone else! Imagine how intently Joseph must have studied his brothers’ faces and strained his ears to hear anything they said. What he saw and heard pleased him. The brothers, on the other hand, didn’t know exactly what was happening, but it only had the signs of being something really good. There was no longer any jealousy evidenced between these men. The brothers freely feasted with Benjamin. In fact, their past jealousies and fears were so relieved that the text states that they had no problem eating and drinking. They were totally at ease, relaxed and celebrating...and maybe too much, because the Hebrew literally states that “they drank and became intoxicated with him.” According to two Hebrew scholars, this occasion for getting drunk did not necessarily have a negative connotation. To quote Dr. Bruce Waltke, it simply means that “the celebrators drank and became fully content.”

As I have looked closely at these chapters and the next, we are witnessing the miracle of a family of brothers, half-brothers and step-brothers, who had hated each other all of their lives, beginning to come together. And a lot of credit has to go to Joseph, who trusted and obeyed God when it hurt the most. Who didn’t sulk, point fingers of blame elsewhere, but admitted his own wrong doings, dealt with his own bitterness, and ultimately forgave his brothers, even before they asked for it, and on top of that blessed them when they should have been punished. I imagine it required his constantly looking to God for supernatural ability to do what God asks of each of us: to forgive and not to continue to focus on past wrongs, but instead to look to the future and all of the possibilities that forgiveness offers, to live in peace.

What’s really interesting to me about the brothers’ two trips to Egypt is the motif of man’s favoritism balanced by the emphasis on God’s mercy, (doing for them what they couldn’t do for themselves), His provision, (meeting their needs when they had totally ignored Him) and God’s grace (going above and beyond to give to them what they certainly never deserved).

Let’s pause the story right there and come back to it next week and look more closely at what we can learn from this passage as it concerns necessary steps for reconciliation and restoration to take place in broken relationships. The foundation upon which reconciliation and restoration are ever built is genuine forgiveness. So our question for this morning is what’s necessary for genuine, authentic ongoing forgiveness to take place between those who are at enmity with one another?

As we study Joseph’s example of having forgiven his brothers, so that the process of reconciliation between them can begin, we can identify several important ingredients of genuine forgiveness, without which there is no genuine forgiveness.

The first ingredient that makes up genuine forgiveness is that this forgiveness must be unconditional. When you look at Joseph’s life, it is obvious that sometime between his being thrown into prison and after the birth of his second son, Joseph had forgiven his brothers’ actions against him, and in turn, God removed the sting and bitterness of their actions against him. But the important thing to notice about Joseph’s forgiving his brothers is that they were never aware of and furthermore, they had never asked for his forgiveness.

Some, today say, “I don’t have to forgive or I won’t forgive someone unless they come as ask for it, and show me that they are truly sorry or repentant for what they have done and that they are worthy of it. When they do that, then I will forgive them.” That’s conditional forgiveness. When you fulfill these conditions, then I will forgive you.

But is that how God forgives you? Remember, in Ephesians 4:32, God commands us to forgive others as He forgave us. And according to Romans 5, and while we were yet enemies and had not asked God to forgive us, Jesus went ahead and died for our sins. He, in essence had forgiven us already. It’s true that we could not apply that forgiveness personally to our own lives until we asked for it; but it is also true that God had already forgiven us before we had asked him. It was unconditional forgiveness on His part

Second, genuine forgiveness takes place not as a result of feeling like forgiving someone, but rather as a deliberate choice or act of the will. In other words, genuine forgiveness is based on your choice to forgive, not whether or not you feel forgiving.

Third, genuine forgiveness is typically not a one-time act.  How often have we become hysterically mad at someone, because we have been historical in remembering their past hurts against us? When Jesus taught His disciples that they were to forgive seven times seventy times, or 490 times, he was not saying that if the 491 offense occurs you are now free to deck the person or refuse to forgive them. Rather, his point was that more often than not, your memory will bring up your hurt and when it does, you need to be committed to forgive the one whose past action hurt you.  To put this in a form of a statement: Genuine forgiveness is committed to continually forgive when the waves of past bitterness make surprise attacks upon one’s heart.

It’s only when we are committed to practice genuine, godly forgiveness such as this that the foundation is built for true reconciliation and the possibility for restoration in broken relationships. Where would you be today if God had not forgiven you unconditionally as an act of His will, such that should you sin in the same manner again, His forgiveness would still apply to your life?

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