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A DESCRIPTION OF A GODLY WOMAN
Titus 2:3-5
Bob Bonner
February 15, 2009
My wife’s ministry to young women and mothers has heightened my awareness of their desperate cries for help in understanding what it means to be a woman, and more specifically, what it means to be a godly wife and mother. Women today are living amidst a myriad of feminine gurus declaring confusing, and more often than not, contradictory philosophies that are meant to establish and build up the modern woman, but instead devalue her even more. Not helpful, they have become harmful to her physical, emotional, and spiritual health; and unfortunately, Christian women are not immune to the confusion. When, where, and why has this confusion over women’s roles or women’s liberation begun?
The phrase “women’s liberation” has had an attractive and almost democratic ring to it. On the surface, this women’s movement seemed reasonable and justified. It has had a special appeal, of course, to women who for years have felt unappreciated, held back, exploited, victimized, and trapped by men and the traditional roles and opportunities laid out before them.
For the most part, the modern feminist agenda is nothing new. It is ancient, and much of it finds its origin attached to none other than Satan himself. It is a primeval heresy that is part of Satan’s strategy to undermine and destroy God’s plan for the human race. It began in the Garden of Eden with Satan’s temptation and Eve’s rebellion, first against God and then against her husband. When she chose to follow her own independent way, Eve led the whole race into sin and made effective Satan’s first ploy against marriage and the family.
The distinctions of the headship of the man and the submission of the woman in marriage were ordained by God at Creation. However, as a consequence of Eve’s disobedience to God’s command and her failure to consult with Adam about the temptation, God told Eve in Genesis 3:16, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” The “desire” spoken of here is not sexual or psychological, both of which Eve had for Adam before the Fall as his specially created helper. It is rather the same “desire” spoken of in Genesis 4:7. This term “desire” comes from an Arabic root that means “to seek control over.” Hence, the curse of Eve was that from that point on all women would have this desire to usurp the place of man’s headship in the home, and in turn, he would resist her attempts to control him. In addition, the text explains that the man will desire to even more strongly exercise his control over her. That Hebrew word for “rule” is not the same as the one used in Genesis 1:28, where God ordered the human race to rule or govern God’s creation. It is a completely different word that describes a despotic or harsh kind of authoritarian rule over women that was not in God’s original plan for man’s headship.
Hence, as a consequence of the Fall and its curse came the distortion of woman’s proper submissiveness and of man’s proper authority. And that basically explains when and how the battle of the sexes began. The falling to Satan’s temptation marked the birth of women’s liberation and male chauvinism. To this day, women are possessed by this sinful propensity to usurp man’s authority, and men are possessed by a similar sinful propensity to put women under their feet.
So where does this leave women today? Most are still confused about what it means to be a woman. And this confusion has spread to many Christian women as well. They are asking, “What does it mean to be a Christian woman? What does a Christian wife look like in the 21st century? With mores, attitudes, and society’s rules changing every five to ten years, how is a woman to live a meaningful, God-honoring life?”
These are the very same questions that were being asked by first century Christian women who had been swallowed up by their feminist culture on Crete. The Apostle Paul, in writing to his assistant Titus, had charged him with establishing a healthy church on that hedonistic pagan island. He now reminds Titus that the women there need to be taught what their God-given identity and role in life are. But for us to understand the specifics of Paul’s instructions, we need to understand why he mentioned these things over others. We need to understand what life as a woman was like on Crete.
The history of feminism on the island of Crete began long before Imperial Roman rule. It began hundreds of years before under the Greeks, and was brought from the mainland to this island. During that time, Cretan women enjoyed far more legal privileges and freedoms than their Greek counterparts in Athens. They had the right to own property, and in addition, there was actual written legislation granting women’s rights in areas that previously had been declared sexual offenses, but were now deemed legal and were encouraged. So strong were the Grecian feminism effects upon the Cretan culture that it became the custom to refer to Crete as “the motherland.” This higher Grecian regard for women made Cretan culture a ready-made receptacle for the avant-garde mores of the new Roman woman that came to the island at the beginning of the first century.
Of all the women of the world in this first century, the women on the island of Crete were known for being the most “liberated women” in the world. Out of the city of Rome came a movement that further impacted the women on this island. Characteristic of this movement was a throwing off of the modest dress code that had once symbolized respectability, sexual modesty, and fidelity to one’s husband.
Equally characteristic was the desire of influential women to acquire for themselves and to enjoy the sexual freedoms normally restricted to men, to explore multiple sexual liaisons in association with dinner parties and banquets. We have since called them “orgies.” This pursuit of sexual freedom required the women to remain unencumbered with children; hence, the literature of this period includes references to the practice of contraception, which was rare at the time. And a part of their contraceptive practices was abortion.
Less drastic, but still moving forward in what was once solely a man’s domain was the desire of women to take active roles in public life and in legal contexts, sometimes functioning as advocates. However, more often than not, being an advocate simply took the form of speaking up in the presence of men and husbands. In addition, Cretan women were free to offer political opinions, to teach, and to become philosophers. Those bold acts of speaking out in public were unheard of in Roman culture up to this time.
But one difference from today’s feminism is that the women of the first century wanted to have their cake and eat it too. They wanted to enjoy some of the fruits of marriage but not the burdens or responsibilities of children or of having to hold down a job or pay their own way. Careers outside the home held no interest to them.
All of this represented a breach of the traditional Roman and worldwide codes of respectability of the previous ages. Nevertheless within the Roman Empire the oikos, or the home front, continued to be held up as the fundamental unit of the social structure. Hence in this environment, the church had the unique opportunity to be salt and light, carrying the truth and enhancing the health of society.
Knowing this about the women on the island of Crete helps us better understand and appreciate Paul’s instruction to Titus in chapter 2. Older Christian women are to teach the younger women godliness.
In Titus 2:3-3, Paul explains the role older women have in building up and educating younger women in what it means to be a fulfilled and godly. In verse 3, Paul stresses more of who these older women are to be, and in verse 4-5, what they are to teach or pass on to the younger women. This morning we will read all three verses, but only begin our study of them by zeroing in on verse 3, dealing with who or what kind of persons these older women were to be. Paul writes:
3Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not
malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is
good, 4so that they may encourage the young women to love
their husbands, to love their children, 5to be sensible, pure,
workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so
that the word of God will not be dishonored.
In verse 3, Paul addresses four characteristics of older women that were stereotypical of the time. But before we look at each of those characteristics, we need to determine what Paul means by “older women.” According to the Jewish philosopher, Philo, who tried before the first century to harmonize Greek philosophy with Judaism, an “older woman” referred to a woman past the age of sixty. She was one who by this time had her children gone and her familial responsibilities lessened. She was now like a younger woman who had no children. But having had a meaningful or purposeful life up to this time, but now with no family to nurture, she may have felt feelings of uselessness, boredom, loneliness, low self-esteem, and self-pity.
So the question for many older women on Crete was, “What do I do with my life now that my children are gone?” According to the prevailing “new feminine” philosophy, she was told that she was now free to do whatever she wanted. This included going to parties and getting drunk, which would loosen the tongue for gossip and the rest of the body to be involved in illicit relationships.
But in this passage, Paul gives the better and only option—the only option that leads to real meaning and purpose for life. In contrast to being a sixty-year-old party animal that wastes the rest of her life, Paul instructs older women that they are to show themselves as older Christian wives who had successfully emerged from the Cretan way of life. He wants them to understand that God’s role for them is to now take on the mentoring of the younger Christian women and to teach them what it means to be a godly wife and mother.
But in order to have a platform from which to mentor younger women as to how they were to be followers of Christ, the older women had to demonstrate four basic qualities.
The first quality of a godly older woman was to be “reverent in behavior.” “Reverent” occurs only here in the New Testament and is taken from the secular Greek term meaning “conduct appropriate to temple service,” which points to women’s service that is fitting and truly godly. In other words, these women should see themselves as given to God and to his service. And in particular, that service was the building into younger women’s lives. Hence, to be “reverent” means to take seriously and to make a priority that one’s life belongs to God and His service.
The Greek word for “behavior” includes dress, gait, and other general deportment characteristics in keeping with the rest of scripture as it concerns a woman’s behavior. For instance: The scriptures give guidance as to a woman’s dress. One female commentator writes that a reverent woman, “should dress in a feminine manner, not like a man. She should be
modest, not sensual and provocative. She should enjoy the freedom she has in the Lord to wear make up and dress pretty but not be ostentatious and vain. Rather, she should adorn herself by her good works as Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 2:9-10. “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness.”
On the surface of Paul’s letter to Timothy, it may seem that he is forbidding women to do up their hair or to refrain from wearing jewelry. However, the Apostle Paul is not saying in 1 Timothy that women are not to braid their hair or wear jewelry. We must keep the cultural context in mind when reading these verses. In Ephesus, the city in which Timothy was ministering when Paul wrote this letter, the temple prostitutes were known for their gaudy and suggestive dress and their extreme styles of hair and jewelry. Unbeknownst to the prostitutes, their only beauty was surface, fleeting, and empty. Paul did not want the Christian women in Ephesus to leave the impression that by their looks, they were prostitutes. They should be first known for something more important, that being their good works—how they invested their lives, pointing to an inner beauty. Hence, Paul’s words are not a prohibition against fixing up one’s hair or wearing jewelry, but against a suggestive and ostentatious manner of dress.
The Apostle Peter adds to Paul’s instruction to women these words, addressed to Jewish women who had been scattered throughout the world. He states in 1 Peter 3:3-4:
“And let not your adornment be merely external—braiding the
hair and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be
the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
Note the word “merely”. This word “merely” does not connote a blanket prohibition against these things, but that there should be something of more importance. If it were a prohibition against fixing up one’s hair and wearing jewelry, it would also be a prohibition against women wearing dresses. Obviously, that is not Peter’s point. Peter’s point is that reverent behavior is that which comes from within and is that imperishable quality of possessing a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Another manner in which the older woman would demonstrate reverent behavior, that of loving others, is spelled out in 1 Corinthians 13:5. Here we are told that “love is not rude.” This points to that which is culturally considered to be good manners. A godly woman does not push and shove in the department store. She does not embarrass herself and others by yelling at the store clerk and making loud threats when circumstances are not to her liking. She does not verbally run over people, blast them and run, or give “a piece of her mind” that she could ill afford to lose!
In contrast, the behavior of an older woman should be God-honoring. She lives life, has fun, and demonstrates that she loves the Lord and others in the process of her daily living. She seeks ways to make others feel comfortable rather than ill at ease.
“Not malicious gossips” is an interesting expression. The word “malicious gossips” translates “diabolos,” which is used thirty-four times in the New Testament as a title for Satan, and it describes his character. It means to “accuse, to repudiate, to be a talebearer.” It literally means to throw things at people. Sometimes it means “to give false information” so as to bring harm to another. Either way, it is an expression that describes the heart attitude of an individual intending to cause others to loose face or to intentionally harm another’s reputation. The heart attitude of a gossiper is to do others harm, whether it is by broadcasting something bad about a person, or by deliberately lying or telling half truths about someone. A godly woman refuses to listen to or spread rumors and half-truths that damage someone’s reputation. She won’t even repeat damaging stories that are true about others.
It’s oh so easy, when you have been hurt by someone, upset with someone, or even jealous of someone to let fly that one little tid-bit of information that makes them look bad before others. This is so evil. There is the time to tell the truth about someone, even if it is negative, such as in counseling, in court, or in references for a job or applications for college. At those times, we have to be truthful and balanced in our evaluations, but not have a spirit to do harm.
Both men and women can be guilty of malicious gossip. However, men and women are generally different in their tendencies to hurt others. Men are more inclined to abuse others physically, while women are more inclined to abuse others verbally, which can be even more destructive than physical abuse. The old adage, “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me” is a lie!
The third quality of a Christian godly older woman is that she is not to be “enslaved to much wine.” Drunkenness among women was especially abhorred in Roman tradition. But on Crete, the new feminism glorified it. The liberated Cretan woman would now join the men in dinners and banquets that lead to drunkenness and debauchery. It was a way of life for many, even those of the grandmotherly age! And don’t miss the connection between this characteristic of being drunk and the previous point of being a gossip. There is a connection between a loose tongue and intoxicating drink. A woman who drinks too much will probably talk too much.
Hence, Paul’s directive: His point is not one of an all out prohibition against drinking, but an injunction against being controlled by what you drink. It’s not just against being rolling down drunk, but against being so influenced by an alcoholic beverage that you are not safe to drive, to care for children, or to get your work done. And probably, most importantly, if while drinking would this woman be clear enough of mind to give Biblical counsel and direction to another woman in need?
The fourth and final characteristic listed of a godly older woman is that she be “kalodidaskalos,” “teaching what is good.” This is the only time in all of Greek literature that this term is used. It was invented by the Apostle Paul. This is a single Greek word made of two Greek words put together. Unfortunately, it does not mean what so many of our translations make it to mean. They translate this word as “teaches what is good.” Let me show you what it means and why. The word “kalos” is the Greek word for “good” meaning morally good. It actually is a word which implies that because she is morally good, she is an effectively good teacher as well. “Didaskalos” comes from the Greek word meaning “to teach,” and here its noun form refers to an instructor, master, or teacher.
So when you put the two words together in the order in which they fall, they don’t mean, “teaches things that are good” but rather “good teacher.” This is not a reference to a woman who has the ability to teach or that she has the gift of teaching. It refers to a woman who not only by her words but also by her example teaches. Being a malicious gossip or a drunk would make her ineffective to the women in that culture. One the other hand, her effectiveness and success as a teacher come from her being reverent in her behavior, displaying her inner beauty. John and Stasi Eldredge, in their book Captivating, speak of this type of woman this way. She is “a woman of true beauty who offers others grace to be and room to become.” She is someone who loves other women, who makes friends of the younger women, and a person whom younger women respect and seek out for counsel and advice.
This expression doesn’t refer to a formal teacher, but rather to a woman who can formally or informally encourage other women. It pictures older women who have experienced life, marriage, and child rearing and can take the younger women under their care and help them adjust to the challenges and responsibilities they share in life amidst an evil and wicked generation.
Hence this term does not refer to the content of what is taught but the quality of the person teaching. And it is implicit that the teacher understand that her role in life is to disciple younger women. As with the previous three qualities that should characterize older women, this fourth is calling these older women to a certain quality of performance in modeling and instructing truth to younger women. And notice, Paul entrusts this primary educational role of building up younger women to older women, not to Titus!
Sadly, many qualified older women are afraid to get close to or to reach out to younger women, because they fear being rejected or fear that they may be intruding. Some are afraid because they don’t have “the gift” of teaching or the ability to speak well. But if they know their Bibles and have lived a godly life, they are qualified to mentor younger women. They don’t have to have all the answers before they become a discipler. Often, they learn much through the process of discipling others.
You see, it is not about formal teaching necessarily. It is about obeying God and choosing to deliberately be involved in younger women’s lives. It is coming along side them and praying for them and developing relationships with them, even when you may not have answers. It’s loving them and letting them know that they are not alone and that someone cares for them. It’s about so modeling a sincere desire to walk with the Lord, that they wish for you to share Biblical wisdom with them.
How do you become a “good teacher?” It begins by taking seriously your own studying and personally applying the word of God to your life. As an older mentor once told me, “Bob, you cannot pass on what you don’t possess.” The more you model the truth through your own life, the greater the platform and opportunity you will have to speak into other women’s lives.
By the way, older women today would include many women younger than 60, whose kids have flown the coop. Ladies, you don’t have to wait until you are 60 before you begin caring for younger women. You college age girls can be a “good teacher” to high school and junior high girls. You moms of elementary school children can be godly models and sources of encouragement to those young mothers of infants. In other words, this idea of being “older” is relative. Hence, all women are mandated to reach out, encourage, and build up younger women. Not to do so is to disobey God.
How would you rate your behavior? Is it “reverent?” If not, what area in your life needs to be addressed so that your behavior will be more reverent?
How should one respond to another’s gossiping?
If you were to ask close friends and family members, would they say that drinking alcoholic beverages is controlling or continually affecting your behavior?
If you are a relatively older woman, what younger women are you praying for and reaching out to so as to encourage and build up in the faith?
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