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THE ASSIGNMENT OF A GODLY WOMAN
Titus 2:4-5
Bob Bonner
February 22, 2009
The other night, I was looking at the menu on my TV and noticed that there are about twenty-one different shopping networks selling their wares. I decided to stop and peek in on what was being sold that evening. The segment was on jewelry. But this was not just any jewelry; it had a name--Diamonique.
Diamonique claims to be the closest thing to a real diamond in color, cut, and clarity without the diamond cost. A woman can buy a 3-carat Diamonique ring for peanuts in comparison to a real diamond. On the program, they paraded this man-made stone in everything from rings to bracelets, from earrings to pendants, from brooches to stick pins, and, I might add, people were buying by the thousands, even in this recession. This has been such a popular seller that the shopping network has designated one week a year as “Diamonique week.”
These TV hucksters say that the look of a Diamonique gemstone is so close to a real diamond that only a trained diamond expert can distinguish what is really lacking. The difference, of course, is what is on the inside. Wives, mothers, co-workers, and friends have all been fooled by this man-made Diamonique.
Likewise down through history, during specific times like the first century in Rome as well as in our day, the culture has seduced women into settling for a quality of life that looks colorful, is cut just right for them, and is proclaimed to carry a lot of value. But under the eye of The Expert Jeweler, the Creator of women, God, there is something notably lacking in the bill of goods women are being sold today. It will not grant them a quality life.
So where is a woman to find the truth about living a quality life? Whom can she trust to give her the genuine scoop about who she is and what is best for her life? The answer is God! Only His Word can point her to who she is and how she can get the most out of life. And second only to God and His Word would be an older, experienced, genuinely godly woman who has demonstrated by her life that she has found success and meaning as a woman.
This morning as we continue to study Titus, we are going to specifically look at what godly older women can teach younger married women about what is important if they are going to get the most out of marriage and motherhood.
During the first century, of all the women in the world, the women on the island of Crete were known for being the most “liberated” women. If you were not here last week and wish for some specific details of what first century feminism looked like on Crete, you can pick up a CD of that message or read about it on line. Suffice it to say that Cretan woman had become known throughout the world for being the most brazen, hedonistic women on the planet. They had thrown off any semblance of what was once considered to be Roman traditional feminine respectability, sexual modesty, and fidelity.
Understanding this about the women on the island of Crete helps us to better understand and appreciate Paul’s instruction to women in Titus 2. In Titus 2:3-5, Paul explains the role older women have in building up and educating younger women in what it means to be a fulfilled godly woman. In verse 3, Paul emphasizes who these older women are to be, and in verses 4-5 what they are to teach or pass on to the younger women. Last time, we looked closely in verse 3 at the description of godly older women who were fit to be models and mentors to the younger Christian women on Crete. In verse 3, Paul highlighted four virtues of a godly older woman.
First, was they were to be “reverent in their behavior.” This was an expression that described a woman who took seriously the truth that her life belonged to God and that her priority was to serve Him. Hence, she would live in such a way that was moral and would not bring dishonor to Jesus Christ.
Secondly, a godly woman’s behavior would not be that of a malicious gossip, who intentionally would say things about others, both true and false, so as to cause them to lose face.
And closely related to being a malicious gossip is being a drunk or being known for alcohol’s controlling her behavior. We noted last time that often when one drinks too much, the tongue becomes loose and says things that are malicious. This is not the behavior of a respectable godly woman, whether by Christian standards or first century Roman standards.
Paul concludes his description of a godly older woman with an expression that wraps up the previous three qualities. The expression “teaches what is good” would be more accurately translated as morally good, and thus she would be an effective teacher of younger women. This expression does not focus so much on her task or the content of her teaching as it does her character. This kind of godly older woman would have earned the respect of the younger women and thus would have a platform from which to lead and instruct them.
This morning we will continue our study of this passage, looking closely at verses 4-5, at the older Christian woman’s assignment as to what they were to teach the younger women. Keep in mind Paul’s overall concern expressed throughout his letter to Titus. He is not just teaching women how to be women. He is teaching Christians on Crete how to live, so that by their very lives they will give no opportunity to the non-Christians to discount this faith due to their lifestyles. In the end, Paul’s concern is that, because of ungodly and unChrist-like living, others might have reason to reject Jesus Christ. Yes, Paul is concerned about the individual Christian’s growth and health, but his underlying concern in this letter is to get the gospel out on Crete. And he knows full well that if Christians are living and acting like non-Christians, they will have no legitimate standing or platform from which to tell others about Jesus Christ.
Let’s begin our study this morning by reading verses 3-5. Paul writes:
3Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not
malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4so
that they may encourage the young women [or as implied here, younger
wives] to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be sensible,
pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so
that the word of God will not be dishonored.
In verses 4-5, the Apostle Paul mentions seven virtues that older women were to concentrate on in teaching younger women what it means to be godly. The Greek verb “to encourage” means much more than simply to gently and positively teach. It expresses the idea of a figurative, sobering “slap in the face” to “bring someone back to his or her senses.” Some translate this verb “to wise up”. That is not to say that you must be harsh or mean as an older woman in training a younger woman. It means that what you are teaching is more than likely going to go against the grain of what she is being taught by the world or what she has believed all her life. In light of the Cretan “new woman” morality that had swept into the church, had put the concept of marital faithfulness at risk, and had disrupted the order and management of the common household, this exhortation to “encourage young wives” was to give them a godly wake-up call about what was most important. In addition, this term carries with it a sense of urgency by way of giving advice from someone who has learned or had experience.
Most of the seven virtues mentioned here for young women occur regularly in first century non-Christian texts as the highest ideals of a good wife. For example, Plutarch was a Roman historian and essayist who lived during the first century at the time of the Apostle Paul. In his essay entitled “Dialogue on Love 123,” these first two virtues, to love their husbands and to love their children, appear together. Likewise in the same essay, the virtue of being sensible and the high ideal of being virtuous or pure, occur frequently, as they do in other contemporary essays. These seven areas of godliness for women have not changed over the centuries. And as far as God is concerned, they still apply today, hence the closing words of verse 5, “So that the word of God will not be dishonored.”
The first six virtues are set up in three pairs, leaving the last one, “Be submissive to your husband,” to stand on its own. The first pair deals with the key relationships in the home. The second pair deals with the young woman’s personal moral purity. The third pair focuses upon her actual management of the home. All seven portray what a respectable godly wife and mother is to be. Furthermore, it might interest you to know that all of these areas of a woman’s life were formerly encouraged by their traditional Roman society. Many Romans still held these standards to be true during the first century on Crete. It was just that the “new first-century Cretan philosophy of womanhood” had confused the issue for younger women.
The first pair of virtues, listed in verse 4, was the instruction that these young women were literally, in the Greek, to be “husband-lovers” and “child-lovers.” This is the only place where these two verbs are used in the New Testament. These virtues were regarded as the measuring stick of the good wife in Graeco-Roman and Jewish culture.
The injunction “to love their husbands” was especially appropriate in a culture where husbands were not chosen by the wife. Hence, the wives had to learn how to love. Today we have this romantic concept that one can “fall in” or “out of” love. These first century women knew that this was not true. You can fall in and out of infatuation, but not love. They knew, and hopefully you are learning, that love is not primarily an emotion. Love is a choice and is something to be learned. Feelings will come and go in cycles. This was something most people understood for thousands of years. The concept that love is an emotion or something you could suddenly fall into or out of is a rather recent Western concept. Love is a choice. You choose love your husband in ways that show him you are proud of him, you respect him, and you enjoy being with him. You choose to do this because it is the right thing to do, not because you feel like it. Even most first-century Roman women knew this.
For these women, being sold out to loving and being committed to her husband and only her husband was a cardinal virtue. An example of the importance of loving one’s husband and only him can be seen from the secular Hellenistic literature of the day. In a compilation of Cynic essays known as The Epistles to Crates 30.6, written between 100 BC and AD 200, is included the following letter written by a man returning a tunic that another man’s wife had made for him. He writes to this married woman:
I am returning the tunic you wove and sent to me because those of us who
live a life of perseverance are forbidden to wear such things, and I do so in
order that I may cause you to desist from this task you have undertaken with
much zeal so that you might appear to the masses to be someone who loves
her husband.
In other words, he did not want this woman’s gift to be accidentally misinterpreted as something personal or intimate and thereby cast a shadow of impropriety over her character or her love relationship to her husband.
Now it is one thing to remind a young woman to continue to love her husband. But you might be wondering, “Why would a mother have to be reminded that she should love her children?” If you are, keep in mind two practical matters that they faced during that day. First, it could be difficult for young mothers in arranged marriages to “love their children,” because they could view the rearing of these children not as something they naturally love, but rather as a dutiful performance. This would not set a good stage for a love relationship between mom and the kids.
Add the second ingredient of the popular “new Roman woman” concept being preached by the feminists of the day, and pretty soon children were considered an encumbrance. Marriage was their prison, and children became a ball and chain to a young woman’s desire for freedom and pleasure. Pretty soon, resentment toward the husband as her “jailer” could be transferred to a resentment of the kids. As a result of this, chaos could take over in that very core unit of all society, the home.
The Bible is clear: Marriage is a gift from God, and children are a blessing. From His very hand He made them in His image. Psalm 127:3-4 says, “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you [God] created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
But nowadays, as during the first century, young women are being deceived and lied to concerning the preciousness of their children. They are being deceived into thinking that motherhood is not an honorable or worthwhile profession. Women are being taught that rather than a privilege, motherhood is a punishment. If you think that is an overly dramatic statement, allow me to point to one political figure running for the highest office in our land this past year. He stated that rather than see his daughter have to be “punished” with an unwanted child, he would prefer to see her have the choice to end that child’s life. To him, children could rightfully be called a “punishment.” As far as God is concerned, there is no more honoring role for woman than to shape the life of her child. Children are not an inconvenience, unworthy of our time, nor are they expendable at our selfish wish. They are God’s stewardship handed to us, not commodities to be used for our own selfish gain.
Yes, motherhood is a labor; it is hard work. I learned long ago that anything worthwhile takes hard word. And because that is so, young mothers need considerable ongoing encouragement, instruction, and wisdom as to how they can stay the course from you older godly mothers who have gone before.
The next pair of virtues, listed in verse 5, is that of being “sensible” or “self-controlled” and being “pure.” “Self-control” points to having physical control over one’s body. This was the feminine cardinal virtue that insured sexual fidelity in marriage. Obviously, “pure” refers to sexual purity in the case of the wife. Together these two virtues were meant to counter the obvious problems of “wives gone wild” on Crete at the time.
In looking at the first of these next pair of virtues, “to be workers at home,” we need to be careful not to impose our modern convictions concerning the debate of women’s roles onto this expression. It is unlikely that Paul had in mind a concern about career women or mothers in the secular workplace. These words are not a prohibition to women working outside the home. Instead, working at home contrasts with the conduct of the younger women and widows of the day who were lazy, running from house to house, becoming vulnerable to sexual improprieties, and ignoring their responsibilities such managing their children.
The Greek phrase “to be workers at home” literally says that the younger women should be taught to be “home workers”. The emphasis is not on the location of a wife’s work but on being a productive manager of the home in everyday life.
The apostle, without question, ranks a wife’s obligations to care for her husband and children over any personal sense of fulfillment, benefit, or gratification she may receive from a career. Any woman who makes her personal physical pleasure, career status, or financial advantage a higher priority in her life than the welfare of her marriage, children, or home clearly transgresses Scripture. In the end, what Paul is affirming here is that if a woman accepts the vocation of marriage and motherhood, she will love and not neglect her husband and children. If you have chosen marriage and homemaking as a way of life, then don’t use it as an out to be lazy or unproductive. Do the job of a manager: bookkeeping, shopping, cleaning, and overseeing a well-ordered household.
The second virtue in this pair of virtues is being “kind.” It is connected to being a “home-worker.” Literally, this word “kind” means “good” in the sense of being productive or useful. It points to her managerial skill in dealing with servants who are carrying out household duties. It points to those good deeds outside the home that she might be engaged in, such as helping the poor. This same term was used in this way in reference to the woman Dorcas, in Acts 9:36, and her care for those around her. It could also include the good deeds of an older woman, who has her house so well managed that she has time to mentor younger woman.
Obviously, the more time a woman has at home to build into her children’s lives and to compliment her husband’s responsibilities, the healthier and stronger the home will be and the more authority she will have as a mentor of younger women.
To you older women, I believe there is a bit of wisdom and instruction for you concerning the mentoring of younger women laid out in the order of these first six virtues. When you are older, sometimes you forget how many fronts you were fighting on all at once as a younger Christian wife. You may forget that you couldn’t and didn’t win all the battles on all the fronts all at the same time. If you had tried to, you would have been frustrated or experienced failure until you learned to pick one front at a time to work on. You had to pick and choose the where you would attack first. Help the younger women learn from you in this area.
Imagine, into your life comes a younger new Christian wife. She is from a broken home, or perhaps a non-Christian home, and has no sense of what she is doing as a homemaker. She is married to either a non-Christian husband or a Christian one who is struggling like her to fulfill his role in life. Because of his own struggles, maybe he is not as attentive as he should be to her. As a result, she is bitter toward her husband. Add to that, her house is a mess because she lacks training or discipline in this area. As she comes to you for help, she brings her kids over to your home and you witness that she has very little control over them. So, where do you as a mentor begin?
I would suggest you not begin by dumping the whole load on her all at once, but focus on one front of needed growth at a time. Why not follow the spirit-filled order of virtues listed by Paul? Begin with helping her work through her bitterness toward her husband, so that she may be a “husband lover.” Then gently move into instructing her about how to consistently discipline her children. When she begins to make some headway there, see if she could use some organizational help or managerial ideas about how to keep her house in order. In the process of mentoring, remember Rome was not built in a day. Neither will a home be. But with guidance, an older woman, in a six-month period, can make a huge difference in a younger wife’s marriage and home.
Paul’s last instruction to older women is to teach the younger wives what it means to subject or submit themselves to their husbands. The Apostle Paul’s more expansive treatment of the husband/wife responsibilities in Ephesians 5 makes it clear that the Bible does not permit a husband to have a “me dictator, you doormat” mentality toward his wife. All persons in the Christian community are required to submit to proper authorities in their lives (Ephesians 5:21). In marriage, when the buck has to stop in decision making for the family, it stops with the husband. God has commanded that the husband be the leader or head of the home.
However, this does not give anyone the right to be unfair, selfish, or abusive. Rather, a husband is to love his wife “just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” The most effective leader of a home is the one who demonstrates his sacrificial love first. Just as Jesus demonstrated his sacrificial love for us, so are we to willingly submit our lives to Him, and so are husbands to love their wives. This sacrificial love is complemented by the love of wives who are to “submit.”
Submission does not mean that a wife should indulge in sin because her husband demands it. It does not mean that a wife must subject herself to physical and psychological abuse that is beyond her ability to bear. The laws of both men and God protect a person from this kind of abuse. Submission does not mean that a wife is to suppress her intelligence, talents, and gifts in the home. Rather, she should fully express these gifts in the purpose of supporting her husband in the spiritual leadership of the home. She is to honor him as we, the church, are to honor Christ. She should use her gifts in a way that honors the spiritual purposes of her husband.
I refer back to Plutarch’s essay entitled, “Dialogue on Love I 23.” Concerning this subject of a woman’s submission, Plutarch also notes: “So it is with women also; if they subordinate themselves to their husbands, they are commended, but if they want to have control, they cut a sorrier figure than the subjects of their control.” On these matters, Plutarch speaks for all antiquity.
In consultation with their husbands, wives must use good judgment in deciding how they invest their time, the household finances, and the designating of household chores. Together, husbands and wives need to decide if and when and for how long she may need to work outside the home. Together, they need to discuss how much ministry outside the home both of them can be involved in and still manage their home well. When a wife has a genuine desire to obey and honor the Lord in all things and conscientiously seeks guidance from His word and prayer, she can be assured that He will provide the necessary wisdom and resolution.
With the last clause of verse 5, the Apostle Paul explains the purpose behind all of what he has just said: “So that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” This is the first of three times Paul says this in the letter, showing that Paul’s ultimate concern is for the Cretan church’s impact on reaching their community for Christ. And if you remember from our study of Titus 1:9, the Apostle Paul uses the word “word” synonymously to refer to the Gospel. Hence, he is stating here that their reputation needs to be attracting people to the gospel, not driving them away. He didn’t want the reputation of the community of believers on Crete to damage the message of the gospel.
What do younger wives really see when they observe your (older women) Christian behavior and your attitude toward your husband, your children, your neighbors, and your enemies? What woman do you know who exemplifies the virtues Paul lists in Titus 2:3-5?
If you are an older mother, what younger wife or mother, other than a relative, are you mentoring in the areas of being a wife, mother, and homemaker?
When your wife starts feeling resentment toward your children, what do you do to help relieve the pressures of her day? How do you help her handle the normal feelings of resentment? As a mother, have you shared your deep feelings of frustration and anxiety with your husband and/or a sympathetic friend?
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