|
WHAT TO DO WHEN CONFLICT ARISES - IV
Titus 3:9-11; Matthew 18; Deuteronomy 19
Bob Bonner
September 27, 2009
Unknown to many Christians is the possibility that Genesis, the first book in the Bible, whose name means “the beginnings” because it speaks of many firsts concerning God’s redemptive plan for the human race, may not be the first written book of Scripture. Genesis was written by Moses, who lived more than four hundred years after Abraham and long after Creation. But either before or during the time of Abraham lived another man, who the majority of conservative Biblical scholars believe wrote the first book of the Bible. His name was Job, and presumably he was the author of that Biblical book which shares his name.
I mention this because I want to read to you one of the earliest recorded Biblical thoughts describing the condition of the human race and relating God’s workings among fallen humanity. In Job 5:6-16, we read:
For affliction does not come from the dust, nor does trouble spring
from the ground; yet man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly
upward. But as for me, I would seek God, and to God I would
commit my cause; who does great things, and unsearchable,
marvelous things without number. He gives rain on the earth, and
sends waters on the fields. He sets on high those who are lowly,
and those who mourn are lifted to safety. He frustrates the devices
of the crafty, so that their hands cannot carry out their plans. He
catches the wise in their own craftiness, and the counsel of the
cunning comes quickly upon them. They meet with darkness in the
daytime and grope at noontime as in the night. But He saves the
needy from the sword, from the mouth of the mighty and from
their hand. So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts her
mouth. [NKJV]
It is obvious from these words that we humans have a problem “playing fair” with one another or living with each other without conflict. Trouble between people is as common as “sparks flying upward.” As a result, some conflicts are resolved here on earth and some are not. But what are we to do when difficulties arises? Verse 8 tells us, “And to God I would commit my cause.” And as a result of God’s ultimate workings, verse 16 adds, “So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts her mouth.”
But it is also clear from reading the rest of Job and from studying the conflict he found himself in with his “friends” that oftentimes justice is not realized during our lifetime. Solomon once wrote in Ecclesiastes 7:15, “I have seen everything in my days of vanity: There is a just man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs life in his wickedness.” In other words, oftentimes during our lifetime it appears that the wicked prosper more than the righteous. The wicked appear to get away with evil, while the righteous suffer injustice. And few who have lived long would argue with Solomon’s assessment. But the Apostle Paul warns us that when injustice appears to win, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19) In other words, whether we get justice now or later, today our response is still to seek God and to obey His directions. Leave the timing for justice to be realized to Him.
Now let’s be honest with one another. It is hard for us to sit back now while we or the ones we love wade through injustices. We typically want to take matters into our own hands when the “system” doesn’t work as we believe it should. And when we do, we typically make matters worse for ourselves and others and ultimately bring more harm to the cause of Christ than glory to His name.
About ten months ago, we began a study of the Apostle Paul’s letter to Titus, an associate of Paul’s whom Paul left in charge of establishing the church on the island of Crete. The Cretan culture, even among the Christians, was far from being godly. Paul reminds us of the Cretan’s reputation of being a rebellious, strong-willed, and self-centered people. One of their own philosopher/critics said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.” Paul then adds, “This testimony is true.”
Paul knew that the present leader, Titus, and the future leaders of the church on Crete would be faced with many challenges from within by those not willing to submit to authority, and that these people would cause problems for the health and growth of the family of God. This would be true especially if they felt unjustly treated. Hence, Paul wrote these words in Titus 3:9-11, “But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and strife and disputes about the Law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned.”
Paul clearly states that the leadership on Crete was to reject or kick out anyone from the local family of believers, the church, if after two warnings that person continued to rebel against the leadership’s authority, was factious or caused divisiveness amongst the body.
Without a clear understanding of what the rest of Scripture teaches concerning what to do when conflict arises in our relationships with other Christians, these words of the Apostle Paul may appear rather harsh or rash. So in order to get a better picture of what God’s goals and instructions are in dealing with conflict among Christians, we have been taking a hiatus from our study of Titus to get much-needed instruction about how God wants us to work through conflict.
This hiatus has led us first to the study of two passages of Scripture that establish a grid, or a four-step process for working through conflict, that Paul presumes Titus already understood, but we may not. This four-step process has been in place ever since the Exodus of the children of Israel from Egypt to become their own nation. The two passages of Scripture at which we have been looking closely for the past three messages are Jesus’ words found in Matthew 18 and the passage they are based on, Deuteronomy 19.
Understanding the reality of conflict that would one day continue on in the church, Jesus reminds those who will be the first elders of the church, His twelve disciples, and us as well what we are to do when conflict arises among Christians. His instructions are not only clear, but logical. Yet, clarity and logic are not always easily remembered or often followed.
Therefore, for the past several messages we have been looking closely at both Matthew 18 and Deuteronomy 19. Thus far in our study of these four steps, we are presently working on step three. Before we quickly review these steps, let’s return to Matthew 18:15-17 and read once again Christ’s instructions concerning these first three steps. He tells us:
If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he
listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen
to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two
or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to
listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even
to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
These three verses lay out for us the first three steps to correcting a Christian who sins against another Christian.
Step one, in verse 15, explains that the one who has been wronged is to personally confront his offender. If the one who wronged him does not admit to his wrong and do what is necessary to make it right, then, if possible, the wronged Christian is to move to step two mentioned in verse 16.
And that step is for the one who was wronged to bring with him two or more eyewitnesses to the wrongdoing of the other person. Together, they are to confront the offender with his sin. Keep in mind, these are not to be witnesses of the confrontation, but eyewitnesses to the actual sin. If there are no other eyewitnesses, the one sinned against has to pretty much let the injustice done against him go. He can report it to the elders, but without hard factual evidence of wrongdoing, they can’t do anything concerning the matter.
If there are two or three witnesses to the wrong done, and the wrong doer refuses to admit what he has done was wrong or to do what was necessary to make it right, then the third step takes place, as spelled out in verse 17. The injured party is to request the help of the elders.
Without going through the reasoning behind it, I am aware that the English text translates the Greek term “ekklesia” as “church,” not elders. But I firmly believe that is an incorrect translation of that term used in this context. If you want to learn more why I believe this, please get a copy of the last message, “What to do When Conflict Arises III,” which I preached on August 30th.
With the rest of our time this morning, I would like us to look at what the Scriptures say are the elders’ responsibilities concerning the adjudicating of disputes among believers. Jesus does not explain here to His disciples what they are specifically to do, because it was commonly known by all Jews at this time what the Scriptures had set down as a course of action for the elders. Please look with me at Deuteronomy 19:18-20. The context of Deuteronomy 19:15-17 deals with the same subject matter as Matthew 18:15-17. Deuteronomy 19:18 says that the “judges,” who were the elders at the time, were to step in and do something. But what is it that they were supposed to do? We want to look at not only what the elders back then were to do, but what elders today are to do, and what God’s objectives are behind these steps.
Deuteronomy 19:18-20 reads:
The judges [elders] shall investigate thoroughly, and [based upon
the elders’ investigation] if the witness is a false witness and he has
accused his brother falsely, then you shall do to him just as he
had intended to do to his brother. Thus you shall purge the evil
from among you. The rest will hear and be afraid, and will never
again do such an evil thing among you.
Clearly, the elders are to investigate the matter. “Judges” is in the plural, so though the number is not mentioned, it is more than one but not necessarily all of them. They are to research what factual evidence there is. If the evidence is circumstantial or “he said, she said” with no eye-witnesses and no admission by the accused that he did wrong, then the elders have to let it go. They can take no action. If in their investigation they find that the accuser is a false witness or has been slandering a person’s reputation without proof, then they are to deal with the accuser.
For now, let’s presume that we have a situation where there is confirmed factual evidence to a wrong done, whether by the accuser or the accused. What are God’s objectives that the elders are to attempt to reach? Scripture explains that there are objectives that concern the guilty person, the one wronged, and the rest of the church family. Let’s look at what God says are the objectives as they concern the wrong doer.
Allow me to go back to Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15 and remind you what we have already mentioned in our first message in this series. Jesus clearly tells us that the end goal in confronting the sinner is to “win your brother.” This expression is rather a unique one in Greek literature. It means to win someone for something, to win something for someone, or to spare someone a major loss which in the end would bring them great gain. The idea is to truly help him, to restore something important to him such as his fellowship with the Lord or his friendship with you, through your forgiveness of him.
In Luke 17:3, Luke tells us, “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” One of the ways that you help your brother, or win your brother, is to convince him of his need to admit his wrong and to turn away from it. Why is this so important? James tells us in James 5:19-20, “My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, [literally, enables him to repent] let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”
From the Biblical authorities I have checked, “his soul” refers to the soul of the one who has strayed from the truth. The saving of his soul refers to the straying believer’s ability to return to enjoying life today, not his eternal security. This is another passage underscoring the goal of winning a brother, or the “good” to be done for the one who sins. So, two ways to win over the brother is to encourage repentance on the part of the guilty party and to forgive him.
Allow me to introduce you to a real life example that took place in the first century in the church at Corinth. According to the Apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 5, there was a man in the church who was openly practicing adultery, and, at first, no one was saying anything to him about it. Paul got wind of it and told the leadership and the church in general that this was not good and that they needed to confront this person. Eventually, the wrong doer repented, turned away from this wrong relationship, and his “soul was saved.” Later, in 2 Corinthians 2, Paul presumably addresses this same situation with some follow-up advice, to make sure the restoration process of this fellow believer was complete. Notice what he says:
But if any has caused sorrow, he has caused sorrow not to me, but
in some degree—in order not to say too much—to all of
you. Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was
inflicted by the majority, so that on the contrary you should rather
forgive and comfort him, otherwise such a one might be
overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. Wherefore I urge you to
reaffirm your love for him.
Clearly, the objective of the elders and the church as a whole is to do what is best for the one who is in sin: to encourage repentance, to forgive, to love, and to restore the repentant believer to fellowship. That’s the goal.
Allow me to add one more often forgotten point. Love’s goal is to correct, not to be heavy-handed or to bring about “excessive sorrow” upon the one who was wrong. Therefore, unless one’s wrongdoing is known broadly or he presents the possibility of harming others in the future, when repentance occurs, there is no need to go public or advertise the person’s failure to the whole church. On the other hand, if one’s sin is publicly known or the person in question is considered a present danger to the rest of the church family, then such a situation needs to be brought forth and explained to the body, even if the person has repented. And when this is done, grace and forgiveness and love are to be demonstrated in the process.
Over the centuries, this is one place in church discipline where we Christians have failed miserably. Rather than extending grace or demonstrating grace, we have acted pharisaically and unduly harshly toward repentant brothers and sisters.
But what is the leadership supposed to do if the individual refuses to repent, when the facts clearly point to his or her wrongdoing? Jesus says to the future first elders of the church in Matthew 18:17 that they are to treat such a one as “a gentile and tax collector.” But what does that mean? First of all, what it does not mean is that we are to practice hatred toward this fellow believer. Some have thought this in the past and have thus treated the wrongdoer. The religious Jews of the day had treated non-Jews and fellow Jews who had betrayed Israel to serve Rome, such as tax collectors, with hatred. But the expression “as a gentile and tax collector” means that the elder should treat the unrepentant wrongdoer as though he is not a believer, as one who is no longer truly part of the church family.
But how does that work out in real life? As I understand the Scripture, I see at least four ways this was traditionally carried out by elders in the Old Testament and needs to be followed by elders today.
In the first, Deuteronomy 19:19, Moses points to one objective of the elders in dealing with those who claim to be believers but refuse to live like it. He tells them, “Thus you shall purge the evil from among you.” This word “purge” in Hebrew refers to the removal of evil or evil influences ten times in Deuteronomy. Depending upon the sin involved, purging, or the removal of evil influences, can be accomplished several ways. You can purge the town of an evil murderer by putting him to death. You can excommunicate the believer from fellowship with other believers because this believer has become divisive among the church family. Or the unrepentant one can leave the land and remove themselves. You see, purging can take on many shapes, depending upon the situation.
Hence, there is no “one size fits all” instruction for all church discipline. It is usually different for each individual case and thus requires much wisdom and prayer on the behalf of the elders.
For instance, if the sin is not publicly known, and the unrepentant believer is not a threat to others and has left the fellowship of his own accord, then, depending upon other circumstances, there may be no need for the elders to do anything. You treat him as a non-Christian who was among you but has now left. You don’t need to make any public announcements about their sin.
On the other hand, if their sin is publicly known, and they have become a threat to the unity and health of the church family, the Scriptures point to another instruction. Titus 3:9-11 instructs the elders to publicly remove from the fellowship, to kick out, the factious or divisive person. In 1 Corinthians 5: 11 the Apostle Paul says, “Don’t associate with any so-called Christian if he should be an immoral person, or covetous or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one.” Both in Titus 3 and in 1 Corinthians 5 Paul is calling for the elders to publicly purge or call out this sinning so-called Christian.
This verse, 1 Corinthians 5:11, has been treated in many ways by people. Some teach that you aren’t to have any relationship with someone who calls themselves a Christian but are boldly living in sin. In other words, if your blood sister, who claims to be a Christian, is living an immoral lifestyle, you are not even to have her over to your home. She is not to share in any family events or meals. You are to cut her off completely. I ask you, would you do that to a “non-Christian” whom you were trying to win to Christ? Certainly not. So, why would you treat this “gentile or tax collector” differently?
After studying the rest of 1 Corinthians and some other additional passages, I don’t believe it is Paul’s intent to instruct Christians to refuse to have any contact with another Christian who is unrepentant and living in sin. If Jesus says we are to treat this person as a non-Christian, how can we win or convict this person of their sin if we don’t have contact with them? How can we encourage them to repent or win them if we stay away from them? We can’t.
What I do believe Paul’s exhortation refers to is the prohibiting of such a person from associating or sharing in worship and any other privileges that go along with being part of a church family, such as sharing in the deacons’ fund. And the forbidding of “eating” with such a one, I believe refers to what Paul later speaks about in 1 Corinthians 11, the sharing of the common meal as believers that typically ended with communion. Hence, to treat the unrepentant believer as a non-believer means to remove and prohibit them from sharing in the life of the church family.
There is a second manner in which elders are to treat believers in these situations, and it points to the reason for informing the church body of disciplinary action. As shepherds over God’s flock, it is the elders’ responsibility is to protect the sheep from various kinds of predators that may otherwise go unnoticed and cause harm. In Acts 20:28-30, the Apostle Paul warns the elders that as shepherds they are to “guard” or protect the flock from predators, which he calls “savage wolves.” What kind of predators need to be watched out for? Here are five common predators:
- Financial predators, such as those who visit or use church members to invest in their products, or “Christian” ministries seeking financial support, which are really not Christian ministries at all.
- Sexual predators, such as loose women and men trying to lure vulnerable Christians into illicit relationships, or child predators.
- Theological predators seeking to twist truth to get a following or to gain control over people’s lives and in doing so, cause others to quit following Christ.
- Emotional predators that feed people’s fears or apply guilt so as to use them for their own purposes.
- Divisive predators who, like wolves, try to divide or separate the sheep from their shepherds to use or take advantage of the sheep. Usually, these predators assert that they want to lift up Christ, but in the end, the results of their work bring no glory to Christ, only glory to themselves.
There is a third reason that elders are to take seriously their role as shepherds in disciplining those Christians who rebelliously and unrepentantly live immoral and ungodly lives. Again, I refer to Leviticus 19:20, in which Moses states, “And the rest will hear and be afraid, and will never again do such an evil thing among you.” In short, as when Mom and Dad discipline one of their children, it becomes a warning to the rest of the believers to take seriously the fear of the Lord. God means business when He says what He does, and the elders are to make sure the rest of the believers don’t forget it and become sloppy in their less than holy living.
I have left for last probably the most important objective for elders in treating the sinning and unrepentant believer as a non-believer. I say the most important, because it is the major reason and focus for which Jesus brought up His teaching on this matter in Matthew 18. The elders are to instruct the rest of the believers that the practice of disciplining an unrepentant believer begins with forgiving the unrepentant believer, just as Jesus had forgiven you before you became a Christian or even asked for forgiveness. He died for each of us before we were born, yet He said to the Father while hanging on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Just like Jesus, Stephen modeled this forgiveness of others who had not even asked to be forgiven nor had they yet repented of their sin, when he prayed before he took his last breath after being stoned, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them!” This unretaliatory prayer was to win over those who had just murdered him!
Or to put it simply, to treat the sinning believer as a non-Christian is to instruct other believers in the practice of forgiving the one who has done wrong, whether or not that person has yet to repent or seek forgiveness. You deal with this one who has wronged you the same way you would treat a non-Christian who has wronged you.
As one can tell from even this quick overview of the elders’ responsibilities in trying to resolve disputes among fellow Christians, their job is a weighty one. Hence, as you consider in the days ahead your elders and just this one of many responsibilities that they voluntarily embrace as shepherds over you, please pray for them to have the wisdom and courage to do what God has called them to do.
When you or someone else you care about is wronged, is your first desire to “win” the one who has wronged you or the one you care about? How should this affect the way you encourage others who have been wronged to “win their brother?”
Can you point to a recent situation in which you felt wronged and you have struggled to forgive the brother who wronged you?
How would you describe the challenge elders face when dealing with conflict, disputes, and sin among the believers in the church family? How can you assist them in their service as shepherds to the flock?
back to top
|
