|
WHAT TO DO WHEN CONFLICT ARISES - VII
Titus 3:9-11; Matthew 18:21-35
Bob Bonner
October 18, 2009
This morning we continue with our series concerning what we are to do when there is conflict between you, as a Christian, and another Christian. This conflict can be the result of a fellow Christian sinning against you personally, or indirectly sinning against you by so openly and blatantly sinning against God that his or her actions affect you as a fellow believer, maybe even one who is a part of the same church family.
Thus far in Matthew 18:15-20 we have covered the progressive steps for confronting a sinning brother, with the objective to “win him” so that he would not only regain fellowship with us, but more importantly regain his close fellowship with the Lord. This requires that he admit to his wrong doing and turn away from it so that he can be restored to fellowship with the rest of the church family.
Last time, we looked at the danger to the spiritual health of the church family if the congregation and/or leadership ignores their responsibilities to “win their brother” through applying appropriate church discipline. This morning, we want to go a step further in making this even more personal. We want to look at the very real possibility of our having been wronged by a fellow Christian, who from this world’s perspective appears to get away with his sin. In turn, we suffer the effects of injustice. In other words, this person appears not to experience any discipline whatsoever. Or to put this in the form of a problematic question: What are Christians to do when we feel justice is not immediately served?
To answer this question, we are going to return to Matthew 18, and we will be looking at verses 21-35. Allow me to put this passage in its literary context. Most students of the Bible recognize that Matthew’s gospel was written to the Jews, portraying Jesus Christ as the coming Messiah, the King over the future Kingdom of God. One of the purposes of Matthew 18 is to point to the importance that the role of humility plays in one’s being a part of the Kingdom of God. For instance, in verses 1-4, the subject of the paragraph is that humility, the humility of a helpless child, is necessary to enter the kingdom of God. Verses 5-14 warn of putting a stumbling stone, or a cause to sin, before those who are humbly seeking to enter the kingdom of God. But then, should one stumble into sin, verses 15-20 point to how the rest of the believing community is to humbly seek to restore the fallen believer. And finally, the last section of the chapter, verses 21-35, drives home the key, the ultimate evidence of lived-out humility that is necessary to restore a fallen fellow Christian--forgiveness.
In looking at our study of Matthew 18 thus far, we have spent six messages studying church discipline and, this morning, only one message on the role of forgiveness toward a sinning believer. It has been the experience of my years as a pastor that we Christians sometimes, in our zealousness, spend more time studying church discipline and too little time studying the objective of discipline, restoration, or even its key, forgiveness of the sinning believer.
And one reason for that is when someone has wronged or hurt us, we want justice. We don’t want the person to hurt us again, so we want to teach them a lesson, which more often than not quickly turns into a desire for revenge.
One of Jesus’ disciples, Peter, is nobody’s fool, nor does he want to be played the fool. He has understood these steps of adjudicating a wrong doing and knows that some people can be clever and lie their way out of trouble or hide the evidence of a wrong doing and, from this world’s perspective, get away with murder. He also knows that if someone has fooled the authorities once, he can fool the authorities a second time. Add to this, Peter has been with Jesus long enough by this time to know that Jesus expects his disciples to forgive those who have wronged them. So, not one to waste time, Peter gets Jesus aside and cuts to the quick in Matthew 18:21 and asks Jesus this question. “Then Peter came and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’”
First, it is important that you note that Peter calls this person “my brother.” Peter understands that from the very outset of verse 15, the sin Jesus has been dealing with is sin between fellow believers. Hence, the whole context of this section concerns those who are saved.
Now Peter said, “Up to seven times.” Where did he come up with that number? The rabbis taught that a fellow believer should forgive the repeated sin of another fellow believer three times, but after that there need be no more forgiveness. Peter, wanting to appear magnanimous, doubles the three times taught by the rabbis, adds one for good measure, and suggests seven times. What’s really on Peter’s mind is not forgiveness, but the possibility of being taken advantage of and unnecessarily suffering injustice. Peter really isn’t interested in forgiveness as much as he is “paybacks.” Paybacks are relatively fun, in comparison to the difficulty of forgiving someone. Jesus response to Peter’s question exposes Peter’s (as well as our) unforgiving heart that needed to be transformed. And let’s face it, being a Christian does not make forgiving another easy, whether they are another Christian or not.
Jesus begins by giving a short but stunning answer to Peter. It is so stunning that Jesus goes on to further explain the significance of his answer with an illustration. And he concludes, in verse 35, with the ultimate example of true humility, the ability to forgive one who has wronged you. “22Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’” Jesus was not specifying a maximum number of times His disciples should forgive their brothers. His point was that disciples who are humble should not limit the number of times or the frequency with which they forgive one another.
So why would Jesus choose the number 490? Why not 100 or some other number? Is there something significant about 490? There may be, for that is how many years Israel stayed in the Promised Land without obeying the Sabbath year. God forgave Israel 490 times before he finally sent them into the Babylonian exile. Also, compare Daniel’s prophecy. God is going to forgive Israel for 490 more years, 70 weeks of years, before He comes again to set up His kingdom on earth. I’m simply suggesting that Jesus chose 490 times to demonstrate that God does not ask us to do anything that He isn’t willing to do.
Further, I don’t understand that Jesus necessarily has in mind here that someone actually will wrong you in the same way 490 times. Rather, isn’t it possible that Jesus knows our hearts, and He knows that one day after legitimately forgiving someone for a wrong, we will feel the hurt from the same instance when it revisits our thoughts like an uninvited guest. Maybe when you see the person who wronged you getting honored, or when you just happen to drive by their house, see their car downtown, or bump into them at their place of work, suddenly the wrong you suffered barges into your mind and your hurt is resurrected. I believe that Jesus so understands our lives that He has that in mind here. And when this sort of thing happens in your heart, long after you have forgiven this person, Jesus is telling us that we must humble ourselves before God and forgive that person again. When memories of a wrongdoing are still vivid and the hurt goes deep, forgiveness takes time, but it will happen. But how, when the hurt may be deep?
I believe that this very real question deserved an answer and is what led Jesus to tell the story that He does in verses 23-34. The story of the unmerciful, unforgiving servant clarified the point. Notice that at the very outset, Jesus put Peter or the believer in the position of a slave or servant of a great king, who is God in the story. This is the relationship that we have with God that we must never forget. We are His servants as well as His beloved children.
23For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king
who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24When he had begun to
settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to
him. 25But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord
commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all
that he had, and repayment to be made.
This servant/slave was not what you might think of as a slave in the terms of recent American history. This slave was far from being uneducated or poor or destitute. This level of slave would have been the ruler or governor over one province in an entire kingdom. He was a powerful man, who had great authority under an even greater person, his master, the king.
By the way, go back to Matthew 18:1 and look with me at the opening verse to this chapter. Matthew tells us, “At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, ‘Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’” Don’t miss the significance between the topic of who is the greatest in God’s kingdom, which begins this section, and Jesus illustration of who is the greatest in this king’s kingdom. Note how this story fits the subject matter of the chapter--humility.
Let’s return to the story. This particular slave’s responsibility was to report to the king, to rule in his behalf, and to, primarily, collect taxes, which were then to be turned over to the king for the royal treasury and for the support of the entire kingdom. This servant, however, had amassed a debt of such huge proportions that he could not possibly repay it. How he could blow so much money or amass such a debt, we are not told. We simply are told that his debt had risen to ten thousand talents.
A talent was the largest denomination of currency used at that time. Because the value of money is in constant flux, the only way I can help you grasp how large a debt this slave owed the king is to illustrate other places a “talent” is mentioned. During the same period of time, the time around the life of Jesus, the total revenue collected by the Roman government from districts in Palestine, Idumea, Judea, and Samaria, was six hundred talents. The total revenue collected from Galilee, a rather wealthy district in Palestine, was three hundred talents. So this guy had collected, embezzled, and wasted an astronomical figure of ten thousand talents.
It might interest you to know that when the tabernacle was built, the Lord’s instructions were to overlay the utensils used in worship as well as the ark, the lamp stands, and the incense alter in gold. When you add up the amount of gold mentioned Exodus 38:24, the sum is twenty-nine talents of gold. Later, when the temple was built, the whole place was overlaid in gold and that was only three thousand talents. So, when Jesus uses the figure of ten thousand talents, His point is that even if this slave worked the rest of his life to pay off the debt, this amount was going to be impossible for him to repay. Even if he sold his wife and children and all his assets, that wouldn’t amount to much more than a few talents.
The slave realized immediately the desperate situation he was in. We read, 26“So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ 27And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.”
Don’t miss that little detail in verse 27 that reveals not just the extent to which the king forgave, but also pictures the magnanimity of God's forgiveness. The Greek word for “debt” used here is literally “the loan.” Would you call the stolen ten thousand talents a loan? No! It was a debt caused by embezzlement. Yet, the king is so tenderhearted, he considers it as a loan and forgives it. He wipes it off the books. As far as the king is concerned, the money is not the issue here. What’s at stake is the lesson that reveals his character and the character of his rule: His kingdom is founded upon mercy and forgiveness.
Also, it’s interesting to note that while the servant admits his culpability in the crime and his inability to repay, and though he humbles himself before the king, he still arrogantly believes that he can pay it off. What a picture of the human denial of the enormity of the debt we owe to our Savior for paying for our sin. We can admit our wrong and our need to be forgiven, but we just can’t believe we are that bad. And yet, like this servant, we should realize that there is absolutely no way, no matter how sincere or hard we worked at it, that we could ever repay the debt our sin cost God and His only Son, Jesus, in order for us to be forgiven and to have an eternal relationship with him.
Furthermore, this is not just a picture of human denial, but of how our human pride at times prevents us from forgiving ourselves for when we have done wrong, even though God has forgiven us. How many times as a Christian have you silently berated yourself for some mistake that God has already forgiven you for? If you don’t accept God’s forgiveness for your sin, then immediately your flesh will vault itself into prominence to prove your worth before God by your own efforts. And when you do that, you cut yourself off from that relational forgiveness with God that makes communion with Him so sweet.
Typically, it’s not until some ugly results like the following show up in our lives that we wake up to reality: the lack of power to resist sin, the lack of hunger for God's Word, the lack of love for the private place of prayer, and the lack of fellowship with other Christians. And then, pretty soon, your relationships with Christians fall apart. Maybe somebody has hurt you, and you know that you are supposed to forgive them, but you just can’t. In fact, you make a fool out of yourself slandering them before others. All of this reflects a lack of humility before God, who loved and forgave us. When I don’t abide in His love and forgiveness, I break fellowship with Him, and shortly thereafter, I discover that I’m out of fellowship with others. And that’s just where this story is headed.
But before we move forward, notice in verse 27 that the king has no comment on the utter impossibility of what his slave says in verse 26. He doesn't say, “Oh silly man. You can't pay. You are acting foolishly.” What does he say? Absolutely nothing. The lord has his slave right where he wants him. The King, God, has another plan by which he is going to not only instruct this slave, but all other slaves, including us!
Let’s read on.
28But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, “Pay back what you owe.” 29So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, “Have patience with me and I will repay you.”
Notice that twice in these two verses and two times later on, we are told that our forgiven slave goes out to find a “fellow slave.” He doesn’t just find another king’s servant somewhere in the world, but one who serves the same king. In the context of verse 15 and verse 21, where Jesus and Peter point to the subject in question as being “brothers,” or believers, this story is pointing to the fellow slave as a fellow believer who also is in trouble and in need of forgiveness. This fellow slave is another member of the “believing family,” if you will. The expression, “fellow slave,” is used consistently this way throughout the story.
Have you ever known a fellow Christian who has hurt you or stolen something from you, like your reputation, a possible dream, your job, or your girl or man? When you think of them, how many times have you choked them in your mind? You see, Jesus knows us. We Christians have problems with these feelings, even at times with other Christians.
In contrast to the impossible debt of ten thousand talents, this poor fellow slave’s debt, or sin, was only “one hundred denarii.” One denarius equaled a day’s wage, so he owed a little more than three months wages. His debt is minuscule in comparison. Yet just the same, he pleads for an opportunity to pay back his payable debt. 30“But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.” To heighten the absurdity of this situation, in the Greek the word for “but” used here is the word which signals the reader that what is about to be said stands in stark contrast to the situation that proceeded it. It is a literary buzzer sounding off that the first slave’s response is ludicrous.
And the stage is set for the witnesses, the other fellow slaves, or fellow believers, who see the sin of one brother against another. 31“So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.” Notice how the fellow slaves mourn over their brother’s sin. They were “deeply grieved.”
At the risk of maybe reading something into this parable that might not be there, allow me to suggest that, if this were a true story, these fellow servants would have no doubt followed the sequence of steps to resolving conflict laid out in verses 15-20, of this same chapter. Because these fellow slaves were aware of the king’s pardon, and that he was a merciful king, and because they couldn’t convince their fellow slave that what he was doing was wrong, they went to the king to report the injustice.
As we continue with the story, make note of how God disciplines the one who has been forgiven but who in turn refuses to forgive others. 32“Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.’” Interestingly, Jesus does not use the same word for “loan” here as he did in verse 27. Instead, he emphatically uses the term for debt, highlighting God’s compassion and mercy. This leads him to the question, 33”Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?” Once again, note why the king is upset. He is not upset because he lost a lot of money. He is upset that his servant has not acted mercifully on the king’s behalf.
Now the king is going to teach the slave the lesson he obviously had missed the first time around, the very one his fellow slaves had learned. We read, 34“And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.” His imprisonment for life in order to pay a debt that he could never repay makes no sense in this case. The king had already proved that the debt wasn’t the issue; otherwise he would have never canceled it.
The point had to do with being a valuable servant who reflects the king’s character and purposes. The most important was mercy and forgiveness. Until the slave was ready to acknowledge that he could not pay back the debt, he would not make for a merciful nor forgiving servant, a good member of the king’s household.
Notice that the correct translation here is “torturers,” not executioners. If the king had wanted to permanently get rid of this slave to make an example of him, he would have had him killed. But that wasn’t the case. These “torturers” are a picture of severe discipline, not of damnation or final condemnation from God. By disciplining rather than executing the slave, Jesus is teaching us that God is committed to instructing us in becoming humble, forgiving fellow servants. This could be considered another example of how God hates the sin, even though he loves the sinner. He disciplines those whom he loves, his sons. He does not destroy them.
Keep in mind the reason Jesus is telling Peter this story. Peter does not have a forgiving heart, as he demonstrated in verse 21. Hence, Jesus’ purpose is to teach Peter that because he has been forgiven much, he in turn should forgive others. If he won’t, God will discipline him by putting him under chastening until he sees the lack of forgiveness in his own heart and the need for the Lord to change him.
This all leads to the concluding warning that Jesus gives to Peter: 35“My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” Note that once more, Jesus uses the familial term “brother” which underscores that the whole chapter, not just this story, refers to believers dealing with believers.
Furthermore, this verse concludes the entire section that began with verse 1, on the subject of humility, by demonstrating that the ultimate example of true humility is forgiveness, and that God is committed to teaching us the importance of forgiving our fellow Christians.
Let’s wrap this up with four succinct lessons this passage challenges us to consider. Although these may be short and sweet, don’t make the mistake of writing them off as unworthy of close examination as it concerns your own life. I would encourage you to put them up somewhere where you will see them often and have time to meditate over them.
1. God is committed to making us into humble, forgiving ambassadors of Jesus Christ.
The second, closely related to the first, is this warning:
2. Personal misery is assured if I fail to forgive.
3. The way to forgive a deep wound caused by another is to contemplate the deep wounds caused by our personal sins that led to our Savior’s death.
4. Refusal to forgive another closes down the flow if intimate communion with Him.
back to top
|
